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dna??
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
i slept with a guy i was seeing last month and have since discovered i am pregnant, we wernt using condoms as i was on the pill, am you can imagine this is a big shock for me and for him ovbiouslly as he thinks i did this purposly becase i toldhim i was on the pill. (which i didnt)
although i am only early i couldnt even imagine having an abortion id feel so bad its always been something im against, i have told this guy and he has asked me to get rid of it as he already has 2 kids anddoesnt want anymore, he has said that if i kept this child he wants nothing at all to do with it as he cannot understand why i would want to keep a baby with someone who doesnt want it - or doesnt want me.
i can understand why he feels angry as i did tell him i was on the pill.
hes also tryed saying the baby isnt his..blah blah , hes the only person ive slept with in the past 4 months so i know that he is
can i make him take a DNA test? i mean i dont even know his address or any of his details, all i have of him is his name and telephone number and what city he lives in?!?
also would i be wrong to get him to take a dna knowing that he was fully against this from the second i told him, am i being unfair? im the one makeing the choice to keep this child after alldna ytest
although i am only early i couldnt even imagine having an abortion id feel so bad its always been something im against, i have told this guy and he has asked me to get rid of it as he already has 2 kids anddoesnt want anymore, he has said that if i kept this child he wants nothing at all to do with it as he cannot understand why i would want to keep a baby with someone who doesnt want it - or doesnt want me.
i can understand why he feels angry as i did tell him i was on the pill.
hes also tryed saying the baby isnt his..blah blah , hes the only person ive slept with in the past 4 months so i know that he is
can i make him take a DNA test? i mean i dont even know his address or any of his details, all i have of him is his name and telephone number and what city he lives in?!?
also would i be wrong to get him to take a dna knowing that he was fully against this from the second i told him, am i being unfair? im the one makeing the choice to keep this child after alldna ytest
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That's wrong actually, once the baby's born if she claims for money via the CSA he has to either get a DNA test done to prove the child's not his, or accept that the child is his and pay her money every month to help with the upbrining of the child.
Sarah_Louise, i strongly, strongly suggest you get the guys full name and address from somewhere and keep hold of it, if you're keeping the child and he want's nothing to do with it you're well within your right to claim from him via the CSA at the least.
Oh sorry, i didnt know that, but yeah, thats very true. I had heard something about the CSA could help, but i wasnt too sure, so i didnt want to say.
Whilst someone can't be forced to take a DNA test the rules around child maintence mean that a named father would be required to take DNA test if they dispute the parentage.
If you choose to name him as the father on your child's birth certificate then he would then be contacted through the CSA to make maintence payments. If he refuses or says he isn't the father he would then be required to prove he isn't the father.
This is traditionally by paying for a DNA test to take place. If it turns out they aren't the father then the cost of test and any maintence payments would be returned to them.
You can see the full details here -
http://www.csa.gov.uk/en/about/faq/disputed-parentage.asp
However, it's obviously best that you find a less acrimonious way to get him to understand that he is the father and hopefully find a way that you can get along. That may come with time, or it may not, but hopefully his views may soften around the situation.
Whatever happens, good luck with the pregnancy and I do hope things work out
Putting him down as the father on the birth papers don't actually mean that much. You can still claim via the CSA even if he's not on the documents at a later date... Also if you do decide to claim money from him to help with the upbringing of the child you will actually have to get in touch with the CSA yourself via the website that Jim posted.
Either way, i still strongly suggest getting hold of his details in regard to where he lives etc and keeping it somewhere very safe just to be safe and you decide anything at a later date.
We can't all know everything right?! I know there's a shit load of stuff i don't know.. I just happen to know a little about this due to experience.
I was under the impression that unless the parents are married, the father can't be put on the birth certificate without his consent. My dad's name doesn't appear on my little brother's birth certificate because he and mum were divorced when it happened. It's fucking stupid, he doesn't deny he's the father, but yet won't take this important step. My brother's 10 now - one day he's going to need to see the birth certificate for something and it will really fuck him up that his dad has 'officially' disowned him, especially as he comes round to visit him, my brother calls him dad etc. There's no indication there that he isn't, but the certificate will sew the seeds of doubt in his mind
P.S: Always use a condom
Yeah there are specific circumstances on which the father has parental responsibility (IE their name appears.) The stuff on the csa website appears to contradict some of this, but the wording is unclear.
Indeed - please read the thread properly before posting Faustus, or if you did read the thread beforehand, then please remember that posting just to cause offence is against the rules you chose to agree to when registering here.
An uninterested crap father is worse for a childs self esteem than no father at all.
Not to metion i know for a fact there are far better trolls here, some could do a lot better that Faustus post. :P
Serious question Jim, can you get access to the OP's Email and email them asking to come back to this thread?! I'm a little concerned she's not come back or posted since the initial replys and i wouldn't want her acting on incorrect information and maybe making a bad choice she's possibly regret for a long time..
In this situation especially there are a number of professionals the OP is likely to discuss the situation with as well, so I wouldn't worry too much.
Starting a thread also subscribes a user to that thread if they want, so I'm sure the OP would of seen the later posts. So, please don't worry too much - and on a really basic level, from a point of view of good practice and data protection, we don't use emails except where there's been a serious breach of rules of a problem that has raised issues around immediate risk.
But yeah Sarah Louise, if you'd like to keep us up to date about what's happening, feel free to post again
I'm sorry if I caused any offence -that was not my intention. I merely wanted to say that you may want to stay open-minded on all possible alternatives.