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Feeling a bit lost
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello all,
I have a boyfriend that I love very much, but he is insanely paranoid and jealous. We used to have near weekly rows, which he would start, about that kind of stuff. He's not a bad person and in all other ways he's a great boyfriend. A lot of it is because he's been treated badly by previous girlfriends so I can understand his concern but he needs to realise I'm not them. He also suffers from low self-esteem.
The problem now is that we've discovered we're pregnant. Not a problem in itself, in fact we're very happy about it, it's more how it's affected his paranoia. He keeps asking if the baby is actually his, which I was willing to write off the first time, but now it's just getting hurtful and insulting. He says it's just because he's getting excited and couldn't bear to find out that it wasn't his as he'd be devasted. He has no reason to think that it's not his, other than the fact that we broke up for a couple of weeks and he has it in his head the baby could have been conceived in this time (obviously, it wasn't). I've tried stressing how important trust is, particularly if you're going to be raising a child together. It makes me feel very alone, like one day his paranoia will win, he won't believe me, and he'll just run off or something. I'm also concerned about the upcoming scan. As the dates they give are approximate, what if they give a conception date that falls a couple of days into our "break" and he thinks this proves it's not his?
Any support would be great. I don't feel like I can talk to anyone I know about this as I don't want them to think badly of him.
I have a boyfriend that I love very much, but he is insanely paranoid and jealous. We used to have near weekly rows, which he would start, about that kind of stuff. He's not a bad person and in all other ways he's a great boyfriend. A lot of it is because he's been treated badly by previous girlfriends so I can understand his concern but he needs to realise I'm not them. He also suffers from low self-esteem.
The problem now is that we've discovered we're pregnant. Not a problem in itself, in fact we're very happy about it, it's more how it's affected his paranoia. He keeps asking if the baby is actually his, which I was willing to write off the first time, but now it's just getting hurtful and insulting. He says it's just because he's getting excited and couldn't bear to find out that it wasn't his as he'd be devasted. He has no reason to think that it's not his, other than the fact that we broke up for a couple of weeks and he has it in his head the baby could have been conceived in this time (obviously, it wasn't). I've tried stressing how important trust is, particularly if you're going to be raising a child together. It makes me feel very alone, like one day his paranoia will win, he won't believe me, and he'll just run off or something. I'm also concerned about the upcoming scan. As the dates they give are approximate, what if they give a conception date that falls a couple of days into our "break" and he thinks this proves it's not his?
Any support would be great. I don't feel like I can talk to anyone I know about this as I don't want them to think badly of him.
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Comments
It's likely that if you were to get tested, your boyfriend would be full of apologies and be absolutely charming for a few weeks, and then after that he'll slip back to his old ways, asking you where you were last night, why you were talking to that guy etc...
It's a tough situation really and it sounds like you've been very loving and patient with him, so the only thing now that could change his behaviour permanently is relationship therapy. The organisation 'Relate' are good at that sort of thing.
Good luck whatever you decide.
:thumb:
Absolutely. This is a guy with serious issues. He shouldn't need proof like that, when he has no reason not to trust you. Even if you give him the proof, he'll find another reason to be suspicious of you soon enough - you'll miss your bus home and he'll accuse you of shagging someone at the office, etc.
It's a really tough situation, but it does sound like he needs therapy. But for that to happen, he would have to admit that he has a problem, which he may not be able to do.
Thanks again. It's been really good to get it off my chest!