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The right response?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm pretty sure I've said the sensible thing here, but just wanted confirmation I suppose...
I was at a wedding on Saturday, and my boyfriend asked me whether I wanted to get married, that he was pretty neutral on the whole issue of marriage, but he'd marry me if I wanted him to and he'd marry 'to make me happy' (!) Now, I've always tried to steer clear of wedding conversations, I don't pester him about it, when he loudly tells his mates he's never getting married, I enthusiastically join in...but he hasn't been with me 8 and a half years without knowing how my mind works, and he said he knew that when I say 'no, no, no, no' to people badgering us about if we're ever getting married it's not really what I think.
So I said that yes, whilst I was possibly a little more than neutral about the idea, there is no way on earth I'd accept a wedding proposal unless I thought he wanted it for him as well as me. I think unless both partners are enthusiastic it's a bit of a pointless exercise, and I wouldn't want to force him in to anything. Marrying me 'to make me happy' really isn't enough. So that's that sorted, at least for a while, although God knows if that was really the end of the matter - even after I told him that, he was still saying 'we'll see!' and 'I bet if I proposed now you'd say yes!'.
I did say the right thing didn't I? Whilst I know in my heart it was the sensible thing to say, I now can't help but feel a bit sad that it's never going to happen, not for us. I think I'd always told myself that marriage was one thing that would probably come after me getting a proper job - but now that daydream's kind of gone poof into thin air! But at the same time I know it wouldn't be right to go into marriage if he only feels neutral about the whole thing. Gah, doing the right thing is tricky sometimes...
I was at a wedding on Saturday, and my boyfriend asked me whether I wanted to get married, that he was pretty neutral on the whole issue of marriage, but he'd marry me if I wanted him to and he'd marry 'to make me happy' (!) Now, I've always tried to steer clear of wedding conversations, I don't pester him about it, when he loudly tells his mates he's never getting married, I enthusiastically join in...but he hasn't been with me 8 and a half years without knowing how my mind works, and he said he knew that when I say 'no, no, no, no' to people badgering us about if we're ever getting married it's not really what I think.
So I said that yes, whilst I was possibly a little more than neutral about the idea, there is no way on earth I'd accept a wedding proposal unless I thought he wanted it for him as well as me. I think unless both partners are enthusiastic it's a bit of a pointless exercise, and I wouldn't want to force him in to anything. Marrying me 'to make me happy' really isn't enough. So that's that sorted, at least for a while, although God knows if that was really the end of the matter - even after I told him that, he was still saying 'we'll see!' and 'I bet if I proposed now you'd say yes!'.
I did say the right thing didn't I? Whilst I know in my heart it was the sensible thing to say, I now can't help but feel a bit sad that it's never going to happen, not for us. I think I'd always told myself that marriage was one thing that would probably come after me getting a proper job - but now that daydream's kind of gone poof into thin air! But at the same time I know it wouldn't be right to go into marriage if he only feels neutral about the whole thing. Gah, doing the right thing is tricky sometimes...
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