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How to move on

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Hi i need some advice on how to move on from a complicated relationship so if anyones been in my shoes please advice how you moved on,

I was with my sons father on and off for 2 years, we never told anyone we slept together because my family dont like him so we didnt want any drama and it was also fun having it our little secret,.
Then i found out i was pregnant and he said he couldnt handle it and went to oz, i was so upset and i didnt want to tell my family what happened so i said i had one night stand and they still dont know the truth,

His father is back in our life now and see's him twice a week but he keeps playing games with me, like one week he'l tell me he loves us both and wants us to be a family but the next week he'l go go completely cold on me and treat me like shit, we have been sleeping together again and he just seems to tell me what he thinks i wana hear then goes back on his word all the time,
I've decided i dont want to be with him anymore and told him i need space for a while but i find myself costantly thinking about him and its like im infatuated with him i know its not a good relationship so i need to stay away from him but i dont know how to do it for good, i've been tryna stay busy and not think about him but it doesnt work for long, what should i do??
cari xxx

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If he goes back on his word all the time, you should realise all the nice things he says are bullshit.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well- first of all, it's good you allow him to see his children... But, the effect he's having on you isn't good! I think that you and him should only talk when the children are involved... It seems like he's wrapping you round his little finger, and I'm sure you can do better than him.
    C-A x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    reply
    MrG wrote: »
    If he goes back on his word all the time, you should realise all the nice things he says are bullshit.

    I do realise what he says is bullshit, thats why i want to stay away from him but always seem to find myself been drawn back to him.

    And if the babys sick or i need a break i ask him to mind him cos i dont really have anyone else to help me and he uses this against me aswell, he tells me that i cannot cope on my own with my son because when he was born i had a good few episodes where i told him i was about to crack up but it was because i doing everything alone and was exhausted, i still have days were i get stressed and need someone to help me out so dont know what how im going to get over him if i have to see him a few times a week.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey cari :wave: it sounds like you know what you want to do. You want to move on but it's hard to actually do that in reality. Things come up or situations are such that he's the one you turn to when it comes to your son and you need support.

    Perhaps you might want to think about putting some steps in place to help you? If you know you have to see him then perhpas make another appointment for shortly afterwards, even a pretend one! Something to make sure that you don't end up spending any more time with him than you need to which could lead to you falling in to old habits.

    You might want to take a look at our article on getting over it and you'll find some other info in that section that you might find useful. Annoyingly as people always say, it takes time. Trying to break the routines that you're in with him could help.

    You mentioned you don't have many people to turn to, what about old friends or a family member? Making new ties and finding new things that you enjoy doing could help you to move forward. Distractions can really help when you're trying to move on.

    The main thing, as you said yourself, is that you don't think this relationship is good for you, in that sense you need to look after number one, hope this helps :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I guess it is much better if you just consider the father of your son has nothing to do with you anymore expect for a fact that he is just only a father of your children just maintain a good relationship for your kids
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    reply

    Hi thanks for all your reply's, i've just signed up to do two night courses so at least il be out meeting new people and hopefully he'l mind the baby for me so i can go..

    Only thing thats really hard is that i live in a new town where i dont know anyone and i cant even talk to my old friends or family because nobody still knows that he is my sons father and im afraid to make things more complicated at the moment because i dnt think i can take anymore stress.

    Hopefully meeting other people will help make things bit easier though and even though its gona be hard and il have to see him im gona make sure we stick to just talking about the baby.

    Still not sure if i should tell both our familys that he's my sons father, if i do im afraid he'l walk away from his son and then il have no help ( he told me before if they found out he would leave the country) i know this isnt good enough reason but at the moment im struggling to cope on my own, any ideas??
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