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Boyfriend going off to uni...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
im just feeling really down at the moment, and i need some advice...
My boyfriend is going off to uni in september, we've been together for just over a year and i really dont know how im going to cope at first. Im barely coping wth the thought of it now. I feel like im being selfish, because i know i will see him most weekends, and i know there worse people out there who cant see their over halfs for months at a time.
Im in the year below so obviously i wont be going till next year, and im thinking about going to the same uni (not because hes going but because i've had my heart set on said uni for a couple of years now).
Im a strong person when it comes to fighting my own corner for my views, but when it comes to being away from the people who i love the most i really cant handle it.
We are a very loving couple, and we have tiffs, but honetly, we never really fall out. But recently, when we do have a tiff, it just seems to be about uni, all the bloody time. I mean, i love him so much, as he does me, and hes really adamant it will work out, and i really want it to work! But i've jsut got these visions, that he will meet another girl and sparks will fly, he will see it as an easier option because shes there with him at the same uni, he will be able to see her more, and that will be the end of us. I know he wouldnt cheat on me, but i know you cant help it when you develope feelings for someone else.
Our recent 'tiff' was just today, he found out that he wasnt going to get a holiday till x-mas, and that just hit it home to me, that i wouldnt be able to spend some proper time with my boyfriend, not worrying about any work and that we can relax with eachother for more than just a couple of days....
I really dont know to cope....one of the things is im going to throw myself into my work, put all the paranoia and the energy into my work next year, in hopes that i wont take it out on my boyfriend and drive us apart.
Because theres a possibility that i may end up at the same uni, if we do break up and i find out i've gotten into the uni, we've agreed to start talking up again and see how it goes.
What im asking for really is personal experiences off of people, did it work out? and also a way to cope with it all...:(
EDIT: the uni that hes going to is about an hour - hour and a halfs away, he can drive, and hopefully i will be passed before x-mas.
My boyfriend is going off to uni in september, we've been together for just over a year and i really dont know how im going to cope at first. Im barely coping wth the thought of it now. I feel like im being selfish, because i know i will see him most weekends, and i know there worse people out there who cant see their over halfs for months at a time.
Im in the year below so obviously i wont be going till next year, and im thinking about going to the same uni (not because hes going but because i've had my heart set on said uni for a couple of years now).
Im a strong person when it comes to fighting my own corner for my views, but when it comes to being away from the people who i love the most i really cant handle it.
We are a very loving couple, and we have tiffs, but honetly, we never really fall out. But recently, when we do have a tiff, it just seems to be about uni, all the bloody time. I mean, i love him so much, as he does me, and hes really adamant it will work out, and i really want it to work! But i've jsut got these visions, that he will meet another girl and sparks will fly, he will see it as an easier option because shes there with him at the same uni, he will be able to see her more, and that will be the end of us. I know he wouldnt cheat on me, but i know you cant help it when you develope feelings for someone else.
Our recent 'tiff' was just today, he found out that he wasnt going to get a holiday till x-mas, and that just hit it home to me, that i wouldnt be able to spend some proper time with my boyfriend, not worrying about any work and that we can relax with eachother for more than just a couple of days....
I really dont know to cope....one of the things is im going to throw myself into my work, put all the paranoia and the energy into my work next year, in hopes that i wont take it out on my boyfriend and drive us apart.
Because theres a possibility that i may end up at the same uni, if we do break up and i find out i've gotten into the uni, we've agreed to start talking up again and see how it goes.
What im asking for really is personal experiences off of people, did it work out? and also a way to cope with it all...:(
EDIT: the uni that hes going to is about an hour - hour and a halfs away, he can drive, and hopefully i will be passed before x-mas.
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I would suggest though, that you don't make it too big an issue, if you love eachother the way in which you say you do, then you have to trust that it will be ok.
Try to spend the time before he goes in a positive way, relax and don't stress him or yourself about it. When he does go away, send him away with positive thoughts of you so that he looks forward to seeing you. If you spend all your time before he goes arguing, then that's what he'll be thinking of.
Hope this helps a little.
Firstly, he was 5 years older than me and had done the uni thing so he knew what I was about to go through (kind of lol.)
I guess the second thing is that I moved a good 2 hours away and neither of us could drive at the time (I can now, but have no car lol.) So it meant we had to travel by train. By we I mean he. I offered many times to travel down to see him as I finished at 2 on Fridays and started at 12 on Mondays so I could spend more time with him but he insisted that I had no money and that he liked to come up to see me. He works in a school so depending on what time he left work, I sometimes wouldn't see him until 9:30-10pm ish.
I found that using webcams over MSN, calling each other before bed and sending a nice text for the other person to wake up to helped a lot. I know they might seem like silly trivial things but they made me feel closer to him.
I guess the one thing I'd be wary of is remembering to let each other know if you're going to be out because I used to hate it if I was sitting about on my laptop waiting for him to come online to talk to me only to find out he'd buggered off out with friends. If I'd have known that, I'd have done an essay or something lol. Goes the other way too, he used to get a bit funny if I went on a night out and didn't text him that I'd got there and back safely.
I guess the best thing is just to give it a go. If you don't, you'll hate yourself forever wondering what might have been. It didn't work out for me but at least I'm glad I found out.
Hope this helps x
I'd say it's always worth a shot - how do you know it won't work if you don't try? Particularly as you're thinking of joining him at the same uni - whilst there is a possibility of being together properly in the future there's no reason not to give the long distance thing a go. Yes, it'll be difficult if you're used to seeing each other regularly, but once every week or so isn't that long a gap between visits (certainly more than we usually managed), and you'll learn to be good at phoning/skype/e-mails etc. Also you can send him actual letters every so often too - it's always good to get post at uni. However, do give him a bit of his own space to meet people and enjoy Freshers Week etc., as he'll need to build a new life up there, and there will probably be times when he won't be able to phone you as much as you'd like. Don't worry - things will be manic in the first few weeks, but it doesn't mean he will have forgotten or neglect you.
Distance is doable if you want it enough, and it doesn't matter how many 'easier option' girls he meets - if he's truly into you they won't register on his raidar.
Go with the flow and see what happens
:yes:
There's certainly some truth in that. From my experience we were always on our 'best behaviour' when we visited each other, our honeymoon period lasted a very long time, and it was something like 2 years in when we had our first argument. Whilst that's not to promote being long distance as opposed to being closer, it's good to be able to recognise the silver linings!
And i was hoping you would reply Aniseed as i know you've had some trouble with your boyfriend while you was at uni, so our situations were abit similar. We call eachother each night anyway for about an hour atleast, which is my favourite part of the day! I sometimes send him random texts that are to do with personal jokes we have, or to just tell him that i love him, as he does the same, so we have that down to a T! And hes not really a type of person to go out alot, hes just like me, we get really excited about going out, but when it comes to about a day before we jsut cant be bothered. We are going to deffinatly going to give it a go, because i know i would be regretting it for a long time. If you dont mind me asking, why did you and your boyfriend break up Aniseed? was it because of uni/distance or other things?
Kymc, im trying very hard to not have littl tiffs with him about the situation, and i suppose if he does go off with bad thoughts about us i suppose it is abit of a start to things getting worse, so thanks :thumb:
Thank you Meryn, i think the thing that was worrying me the most was him meeting new girls and him getting closer to them, but last night, he was saying to me how if we beak up he will still keep on loving me for a very long time, how he wants us to be together for atleast anothe year, how it will take him alot of time to find someone as good as me, so that calmed me abit
Billiefreak your right, he has even said that when im away from him more than a week he wants to see me even more than he would if it was only 2/3 days without seeing him....
But, another problem has arisen, theres been talk of his family going skiing for a week after newyear and i've been invited, of course im really excited about going as i love skiing and we are going somewhere like canada or italy! But i've got a letter from college today about going to paris in feb for 4 days, as moey is tight, my mum said i can only go to one....if i wanted to go to paris, i would have to give in a deposit by the end of september or i dont get a place. His family would be booking this holiday around ocotber/november time, but what happens if i decided to go to skiing, but me and him break up around ocotober time and i couldnt go to paris with college? that means i lose out on going to paris... :banghead: arghh, what to do?
Despite him going on to a very female-heavy law school after university, nothing ever happened. I sometimes wonder if I benefited from meeting him at the end of university, when he'd had the chance to get random pulling out of his system, but then again, I had three years of uni ahead of me when we got together and had previously only kissed one other guy, but I was never tempted to play around, so it's by no means a given, despite all the cliches about uni life and student behaviour
We broke up because he 'wanted to live his life and do things and not worry about me.' Which I guess you can take as him wanting to play the field or you can take it as a results of the argument we'd had the night before. It went along the lines of him taking a lady friend out clubbing because she was feeling down, even though I was on the verge of a breakdown and he'd specifically stated on many occasions that he didn't have any money to go out with me. After we split up he got off we said friend's sister, so take that as you will. I think the same arguments would've happened whether I was 2, 200 or 2000 miles away lol.
haha, i think i've been watching to many american movies like american pie tbh! i've jsut got this whole thing in my mind that he will be going to crazy parties and doing all the stuff that you do that i've seen in movies.
i know i would never play around either, and he knows this. Even so, hes still a jealous and protective person because he doesnt like the thought of boys "bumming" me as he puts it! but im exactly the same, hes only looking out for me.
Ah, he doesnt sound like the nicest of guys....but i hope everythings fine in that area for you now
One of the othr reasons why i thinking all of this is because last year my friend and her boyfriend were in the same position, they were a really good ouple, always texting, you couldn't seperate them. But when he went to uni things went downhill, and she ended up cheating on him! But they were nothing like us, and they were both extemely immature!
Now, what to do about the holiday....:\
As for the holiday, I'd be inclined to go to Paris. Having holidayed with my own family I wouldn't want to holiday with anyone else's, it was that stressful. Also, last year I went on holiday to Clacton with 4 mates, and apart from one guy, we'd all known each other since primary school. As a direct result of said holiday, 2 of them aren't talking to the rest of us, and I thought we knew each other pretty well.
Good luck with whatever you decide
Well im glad its worked out for you
And we had a chat about it, and i would rather go to skiing as i love it so much! and i dont mind going with his family, its only the 3 of them, so its not as if you have any younger siblins stressing people out
Hope it works out well and you have fun skiing
if there is an answer love will find a way to how you are going to make things work between the two opf you. love ain't got to die because you'll be apart. if you were meant to be together you'll find yourselves getting together again. have you ever heard of " to be or not to be, not to be is not supposed to be" about " if you love something you have to let it go.if it was meant to be it'll come back to you" long distance relationship can work on one condition. that your love has got to be real.:thumb:
My bf went to uni and I was at college. When we met we were both in our last years. He went to uni 2 days a week and did work placement for 2. He also worked 3 evenings a week and had football on a weds the day he had free in the week.
He doesnt live that far from me tbh about a 20 min drive and he still lived at home whilst he was at uni.
We didnt meet up much, only weekends tbh and it was hard but it gets better. You just build up to it all week to meet one another.
The first few weeks were hard as we both got our heads down on college/uni work. Near xmas time though we started to meet up more in the week at evenings even if it was just for an hour.
I know it's hard but you both sound like you want a decent carer and this is what you have to do. Both support one another and make the most of when you meet up thats all I can say!
Try not to be annoyed when he goes out with his classmates, I know since leaving college now that we both got a bit annoyed when him or myself spent a wild night out and your partner is not there with you... but you have to socialize with other people in your class I find.
Work out in the week a plan of when if you can meet up... for example.. shit my assignment is due in Friday I better work on it Mon and Tues night, try and meet up Weds evening if possible?
Like I said it will be hard to begin with as it will be new to both of you and it's a new routine but im sure it will work out if you love one another.
As for the holiday situation thats a tough one... ouch! its up to you though at the end of the day what you do... bless ya! x