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Confusion
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello,
I don't know if I am looking for advice. I'd say that I need some support and need to know that some has come through the same as me. I'd really appreciate your comments.
So, straight to the point. A more than a month ago I fell in love with this girl who had been in a relationship for already 3 years. She fell in love with me too and become really passionate about it and eventually broke up with her boyfriend during the exam period. I was really happy to be with and we were telling each other how much we were in love.
But after a beautiful trip in Prague we woke up one morning and she told me that she wasn't sure if it's allright. She told me that the relationship didn't have a "spark" and that we're not suitable for each other. We were crying a lot and she was kissing me and hugging me but she didn't make up her mind.
She told me that she needed some time to spent alone and sort things out and that she's really confused and doesn't know what she wants.
What does it mean? Maybe it's all because she came from one long-term relationship to another and she really needs some time for herself. Well, it's obvious that I want to be with her, who wouldn't, but I'd really like to understand this as she was really passionate about us and in love.
Does anybody here have similar experience? If so, please share, or post anything. I'd be glad.
I don't know if I am looking for advice. I'd say that I need some support and need to know that some has come through the same as me. I'd really appreciate your comments.
So, straight to the point. A more than a month ago I fell in love with this girl who had been in a relationship for already 3 years. She fell in love with me too and become really passionate about it and eventually broke up with her boyfriend during the exam period. I was really happy to be with and we were telling each other how much we were in love.
But after a beautiful trip in Prague we woke up one morning and she told me that she wasn't sure if it's allright. She told me that the relationship didn't have a "spark" and that we're not suitable for each other. We were crying a lot and she was kissing me and hugging me but she didn't make up her mind.
She told me that she needed some time to spent alone and sort things out and that she's really confused and doesn't know what she wants.
What does it mean? Maybe it's all because she came from one long-term relationship to another and she really needs some time for herself. Well, it's obvious that I want to be with her, who wouldn't, but I'd really like to understand this as she was really passionate about us and in love.
Does anybody here have similar experience? If so, please share, or post anything. I'd be glad.
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Comments
It sounds exactly like this. Rushing into another relationship when there are issues that haven't been resolved in the last one, could well be a major factor in her decision. I would suggest that you give her space, be as good a friend to her as you can .. and allow her to grow into the idea of continuing your relationship. Don't be clingy or keep going on about how you feel for her, or you will likely push her away. It will be hard for you but it sounds like any waiting that you must do, will be worth it in the end.
At first she invited me to Bratislava and I rejected because of what I've written above, but now I am thinking that I'd like to visit her and be as good a friend as I can be like you said.
I told her that she can write me everytime she feels that she misses me and she really did. But I don't know if it's a good sign, that she's writing me. Either she really misses me and needs some time for herself that I would like to believe or she's just happy that she split up with me and tries to be only friends.
Or maybe I'm analyzing too much, aren't I?
She now writes me everyday. I hope it's a good sign. I don't know if it's a good thing or bad, but she lives in another city. Maybe better for her. What do you think?
But I really want to stick to Teagan's advice and I'll make sure I'm not clingy, I don't want to push her.
Ok, I just wanted to let you know how the things are going.
She called me few times when I was at a festival, where I could spent few minutes not thinking of her and she wrote me several messages. Yesterday we had a "fight" over ICQ. Well, she prefer it to Skype. And she really wanted to know what I felt. Maybe it was a mistake, but I did tell her. I told her I couldn't understand that she'd left me but had told that she loves me the day before. It seems that her answer evolved a bit, because she told me that I had been too needy and had needed to be supported too much and she would have needed that too but couldn't have done it for me, because that way, she wouldn't have stand it and that nothing would have remained of her.
Well, what could I say? The girlfriend before told me basically the same thing. Maybe I need sometimes a bit of a support, but I'm already undergoing CBT because of anxiety, obsessions and social phobia and take ante-depressants. Moreover, both of my parents are severely ill (my father has a cancer). So at home, it can be really hell. I can't turn to them to talk about my problems.
What am I supposed to do? She's still thinking of me, she said, but can't love me. (?) What am I supposed to do?
At home It's gonna be worse and worse, the school's gonna be much more difficult. How can I keep on living? I'm so hopeless. I need someone, yet nobody is able to stay with me, because I don't feel dandy ever now and then.
Please, post anything.
I'm just ... down and lonely.
I know I need someone, but then there's noone who would like to hear everything from me. They just can't stand it. But I just don't get. She was so passionate about me and was telling that she loves me.
How could have she dumped me after a month because she was thinking of future? We didn't even told each other everything about ourselves.
I still am full of hopes that I'll get her back. She wants me to come to her city and spend a week there.
I don't know how to relax. I'm not happy by myself. It's so depressive at home.
But again. I'm glad you've replied. Just post anything, I'll be grateful.
The bad fact is that I can't even remember that I was behaving needy this time, maybe once. I can recall I was quite needy in the previous relationship and I thought I improved since then but evidently I still behave like that and I can't even realise it. That's a lot worse. I remember being a bit stressed about exams even if didn't have to and asked a few times if I was going to make it. Do you consider it to be needy?
I can't stand it. I'm having panic attacks, I feel sick, am short of breath, a bit dizzy and disoriented, feel pain on my chest and a cage around me.
Why do I have to push the people I really love away?