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AH FUCKSAKE! again
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
sorry guys but this is gonna be a bit of a rant so i won't blame you if you don't read it all if it turns out to be long
but yeah, i still have feelings for one girl but their not so strong, i still think about alot of the time but i can get her out my head and think about other girls without feeling massive guilt over doing that, tbh, i still think she's right for, more than any other girl but i'm beginning to come to terms that i might never get the chance to give it a go with her.
Recently i started to get on really well with a mates friend (both girls) and realised that i had feelings for her (the friend of a friend) and i though that maybe this might happen as we had a spark there for sure, at a party we both were at we spent mostly all the time together and we went back to her house with a few others and watched a few movies, us spent it culdled up on her sofa, and well, eventually after we had spent a few more nights together we kissed
(first time kissing a girl full on for nearly a year for me, i've kissed others just not tonsil tennis), we spent alot more time with each other, each time i felt more and more attracted to her, which was good as the other girl was less in my mind and all the time we were togther i didn't feel one bit of guilt
but now the girl i kissed has broken up with me becuase she doesn't like long distance realstionships and she's gone to america for around 4 months which has just comepletly screwed me up, i mean i now have strong feeling for 2 girls, one girl is the other side of the world and the other is here, but with a bf, i mean wtf, how am i meant to function atm, this is tearing me apart, i spend most of my time on my laptop just watching DVDs just so i don't have to talk to people, thankfully i havn't slipped into what i used to do when anything involving rejection happend, cutting myself, i have enough scars, mental and physical to live with,
Understandbly my parents are worried about me, so are my friends but i just can't bring myself to tell them whats up, especially my paretns cos i know my mum will just rage at me for not bring her home and introducing her to my parents but i know that i wasn't ready to do that and mum will just flip out at me for not being the same as my sister, which brings me on to my next point, my sisters just finished uni with a 2;1 (great for her but shit for me) theres now all this presure for me to perform as good or better than her, i meant seriously the only thing i;ve ever been better at than her is sports which i love, but i;ve never out performed her educationaly wise, its just so much pressure, i don;t even want to do an "academic" course at uni, i want to do photography which my parents don't approve of, (they can go fuck themselves if they tell me not to do it cos its my dream), but just so much pressure to confrom to everyones expectations and do as good as my sister isn't helping me, i've talked to my sis about this and she understands what i'm talking about but she's never had to contend with this, it just fucking sucks
over all it feels like my life is going down the drain atm:banghead:, what with all my feelings being stirred up like this, i just don't know what to do, wait for the one thats gone off to america or move on or try and give it a go with the other girl, idk what to do
'm gonna try and talk to my parents to stop putting so much pressure on me but idk if that'll work as they stubbon buggers (must be where i get it from) but i feel so low atm,
sorry its long but i kinda went on for a while
but yeah, i still have feelings for one girl but their not so strong, i still think about alot of the time but i can get her out my head and think about other girls without feeling massive guilt over doing that, tbh, i still think she's right for, more than any other girl but i'm beginning to come to terms that i might never get the chance to give it a go with her.
Recently i started to get on really well with a mates friend (both girls) and realised that i had feelings for her (the friend of a friend) and i though that maybe this might happen as we had a spark there for sure, at a party we both were at we spent mostly all the time together and we went back to her house with a few others and watched a few movies, us spent it culdled up on her sofa, and well, eventually after we had spent a few more nights together we kissed
(first time kissing a girl full on for nearly a year for me, i've kissed others just not tonsil tennis), we spent alot more time with each other, each time i felt more and more attracted to her, which was good as the other girl was less in my mind and all the time we were togther i didn't feel one bit of guiltbut now the girl i kissed has broken up with me becuase she doesn't like long distance realstionships and she's gone to america for around 4 months which has just comepletly screwed me up, i mean i now have strong feeling for 2 girls, one girl is the other side of the world and the other is here, but with a bf, i mean wtf, how am i meant to function atm, this is tearing me apart, i spend most of my time on my laptop just watching DVDs just so i don't have to talk to people, thankfully i havn't slipped into what i used to do when anything involving rejection happend, cutting myself, i have enough scars, mental and physical to live with,
Understandbly my parents are worried about me, so are my friends but i just can't bring myself to tell them whats up, especially my paretns cos i know my mum will just rage at me for not bring her home and introducing her to my parents but i know that i wasn't ready to do that and mum will just flip out at me for not being the same as my sister, which brings me on to my next point, my sisters just finished uni with a 2;1 (great for her but shit for me) theres now all this presure for me to perform as good or better than her, i meant seriously the only thing i;ve ever been better at than her is sports which i love, but i;ve never out performed her educationaly wise, its just so much pressure, i don;t even want to do an "academic" course at uni, i want to do photography which my parents don't approve of, (they can go fuck themselves if they tell me not to do it cos its my dream), but just so much pressure to confrom to everyones expectations and do as good as my sister isn't helping me, i've talked to my sis about this and she understands what i'm talking about but she's never had to contend with this, it just fucking sucks
over all it feels like my life is going down the drain atm:banghead:, what with all my feelings being stirred up like this, i just don't know what to do, wait for the one thats gone off to america or move on or try and give it a go with the other girl, idk what to do
'm gonna try and talk to my parents to stop putting so much pressure on me but idk if that'll work as they stubbon buggers (must be where i get it from) but i feel so low atm,
sorry its long but i kinda went on for a while
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Comments
Sounds like you've got a lot on your mind - two girls who you have feelings for and neither are available - at the same time you feel pressure from your family because your sister got a great result in her degree and you're worried you're going to let your parents down. That's a lot of stuff to be swimming around your mind.
So, these girls, try not to see it as a rejection - as you say one is off to America and the other has a boyfriend. Therefore, neither has actually rejected you, it's just time and circumstances mean that these aren't the right people for you at the moment. It doesn't mean you're not attractive or lovely to be around so it's worth making the effort to get to know other girls and who knows what might happen.
You say -
It's great you haven't slipped back into cutting. Have you thought about calling on your mates instead of sitting watching DVDs? Often when we're alone with our thoughts we can let things get out of perspective and lose touch with the reality of a situation. It doesn't mean you have to tell them about your worries relating to these girls, but just to be out socialising can make a difference and take your mind off it. Or even being outside with your camera is another alternative - anything creative is bound to lift your spirits.
In terms of your family and future education, anyone who has siblings has probably experienced some level of rivalry at some point or other.
TheSite's sibling survival guide has a great paragraph on jealousy that you may find helpful to read:
If photography is something you're really passionate about then it might take time to really prove your passion and commitment. You could take a more pro-active approach - enter as many competitions as you can, look into getting some work experience to prove it is a realistic career path or anything that shows that extra initiative. Mostly what parents seem to like to see is effort and achievement, so if you prove you want to achieve in this field then you may find your parents are really proud of you. It's also good to have a back-up plan - e.g. what would you do if you found you couldn't make a living in photography? You don't have to decide exactly what that would be now, but it helps to keep your options open and seek as much advice as you can before diving into something.
Let us know how you're feeling since you posted.
sorry its taken me so long to reply, but i took the advice to hangout with mates more often to heart and have not really been much free time to get on here
but i still don't know what to do, i know that its not rejection but its still hurting me alot, turns out that the girl that went off has now "meet" someone there, she says their not together but pictures on facebook beg to differ, seen as their playing tonsil tenis in most of them
the fact that she thinks that i'm a fool and will believe what ever she says, the thing is that i want to believe her but i know i can't because of the photographs
The other girl is pretty much the complete oposite, yes she's still got a bf but she's not trying to pull the wool over my eyes, which is just making my feelings for her stronger. its stupid i know but i can't help it, her bf, well tbh, he seems a dick. They just don't seem to fit together, their personalities are completly diffrent, and not in a good way, idk how to explain it really.
And onto other news, my parents, well my dad mainly has said he'll support me what ever i chose to do, because its my life and i've got to life it how i want to is what he said
my mum on the other hand is still trying to pressure me to become some genius child, its just pissing me off, i'm close to snapping and i don't what that to happen because it won't be at my mum, it'll be at a friend or even worse the girl with a bf which would just screw up my chances completly if she ever becomes avaible.
But yeah, things seems to be going well in some areas and in others complete shit, but yeah, thats life
thanks for reading anywayy
and yes, i've accepted the fact that its basically over but that doesn't stop me having feelings for her
I do, I said its game over surely, one that says shes single when she isnt, and the other that is taken but doesnt want to be?
I really don't know any more:crying: i can't stand this atm, it just fucking sucks
If you feel like sending either girl messages, before you send them, think about it, and if its remotely dodgy, then write it down by hand, keep a diary of what you were going to send, then dont.
Will let you get it out of your head, but not cause any problems with either of them.