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My Boyfriend broke up with my because I cut
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I havent called him or cried or begged or done any of those awfuly humiliating things. I havent cut and I have been trying to take my mind of things, I know he loves me and that he wants things to be okay. I think I have just pushed him too much do you think he would want to be with me if I give him space and show him I am stable? I am him first proper relationship and after almost 2 years I am gutted with 'I am too young for a searious relationship' as its not like I want to get married and have bloody kids or anything, im 20 and he will be 19 soon. I know no one can REALLY answer this but I need some hope as im going out of my mind!
I just wanted to say, I would never use it as a threat or make him guilty. ALso, he was VERY tolerant, too helpful and kind almost. But he would make me feel guilty, over and over again and it was like a cycle.
I just wanted to say, I would never use it as a threat or make him guilty. ALso, he was VERY tolerant, too helpful and kind almost. But he would make me feel guilty, over and over again and it was like a cycle.
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Like StubbleS says he doesnt think he could do it. well I have been in a relationship with a girl who did crazy stuff like cutting her wrists or trying to kill herself EVERY time I went out of the house and it is god damn annoying coming back to blood and tears just because me and a friend went to see the matrix reloaded.
Don't get me wrong I loved her to bits and I still try to help her but that constant nagging feeling in the back of your head that you are gonna come home and have to clean up another pool of sick or blood is to be frank; shit.
If you think it did not affect him when you were together then you are seriously wrong. It hurts both parties.
Maybe one day when I'm married and settled and such then I will be but right now I personally (and maybe this is what your ex was thinking) - right now I'm not ready for the big commitment and if a relationship is going to mean 'baby sitting' in the sense of needing to deal with someone elses issues - as much as I like them for me it's not worth it. Happy to be friends, but only want a relationship that is going to enrich my life. If after a long time issues develop then I'll deal with them on a case-by-case basis but every one is a different and has different tolerances for how much they can deal with.
It's really difficult though, it's a lose-lose situation... sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear though
That doesn't make us bad, shallow, weak, whatever - it's just a choice. There is no way I could date somebody with issues such as that.
Don't want or can't? I have a friend who was like this with me and basically told me he couldn't deal with it.
Comments like these are innapropriate. Stopping is not as simple as telling someone to stop. I would only stop (which I'm trying to do now) when and only when I want to. I will never stop because someone wants me to.
OP - it might be worth taking a break and seeing how things are ina few days/weeks or so?
Didn't I just say exactly what I meant in my previous post? I don't want to deal with those kind of things. I can deal with just about anything, whether or not I choose to be involved with somebody doing that is a different matter.
This is a delicate subject for a lot of people, and so I am trying to be careful what I say here as I have a track record of upsetting people when speaking my mind........
My previous ex before that could understand and deal with it, he didn't self harm himself, but suffered from depression, and knew how difficult it was to deal with and that i required an 'outlet' as it were.
I dont expect people to understand, because some can't, but I do expect the other person in my life to understand why and accept me for being me.
I personally will never understand self harm ever, I can understand what triggers it but not the reason why some people choose to take a knife to their arm instead of doing exersize, biting a coke can or many other enjoyable passive aggressive activities.
I will also never understand my ex taking 14 paracetamol because I was 2 hours late home, puking them up on the stairs where she sat waiting for me then leaving it as a present for me. Living with somebody who is into 'SH' is a bleeding nightmare (no pun intended) and no amount of love, hugs, talking or hiding all the pills and blades in the house ever works to someone who is truly self destructive. It takes its toll in the long run.
I was just calling the options. The boyfriend doesn't want to deal with it, so either stop (in whatever way), or find someone who accepts it. Alcoholism and drug abuse isn't easy to stop either, but it's a psychological thing you CAN(!) decide, if there is much on the stake to lose. I never said it was easy.
I agree with shyboy with the expection of, "it's not your fault", because that let it sounds like it's my fault (as in: why oh why won't I accept your cutting). I'm very much with g_angel here: I don't understand it. It's stupid and senseless to me so I can't bear with it. I hardly do any stuff I can't excuse, justify or validate.
It's nothing against self-harmers in person, I just don't want to deal with it. It's not just a la dee da, i'm cutting, because I'm bored, there are grave psychological problems behind it, and that usually flaws the relationship so much that it's not an enrichment (thx shyboy) for me, but some kind of task or duty, like a mother watching over a child, no matter how troublesome it might be.
Not for me, thanks.
Sympathy doesn't last very long if someone can't or won't try to help themselves. Self-harm and severe depression is awful for the person experiencing it- I know, I've been there and got the T-shirt- but severely depressed people are awful to live with.
I don't have the patience to deal with someone who can't or won't try to help themselves, and I've got real experience of what it's like from the other side.
:thumb:
Also, Melian, to further this - I've been through all this with my mum. Let me give you some idea of how ill she was (bearing in mind i've forgotten some of the full technical names) before you decide it's because "I can't handle it", as opposed to don't want to:
Clinical depression with psychotic and pschizophrenic phases. She would hear voices constantly, she would see corpses and giant spiders in the house(!!!). She would see a fog of hatred building outside the house windows, and so would not leave the house when that was there - she was utterly petrified. She called the police one time and confessed to attempting to murder me, which didn't happen - I was 200 miles away. She self harmed. She spent approximately 40% of the time from my youngest brother being born (he's 24 now) up until 2-3 years ago in a mental hospital/secure unit. She attempted suicide many times. Her mind twisted things completely so that she would tell things to the family and friends that made me and my brothers out to be pretty much Satan. None of these things happened.
On top of that, my dad left when I was 14, so with the help of family and friends, I raised my 12 and 8 year old brothers for a large proportion of the time up until I was about 20-21 and moved away with work.
So, when I say I don't want to deal with somebody with issues, it's because I've been through it all, probably much worse than many people have done, and you know what - I really don't want to do that all again. As I say, I can deal with pretty much anything (and have done). I don't have any issues whatsoever myself, but will not put myself in a position where my life is impacted so massively in a negative way by another person. As Kermit says - severely depressed people are awful to live with.
Thankfully, she's been very well for a few years now - they finally got her meds right, and she's really enjoying her life again.
As I'm sure you know, there are plenty of reasons why someone might self-harm and it can be hard for friends of family to understand and it's clearly a really sensitive tpioc that different people will be able to handle in different ways.
For your boyfriend it sounds as though he may not be able to support you right now and that doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't care or make him a bad person.
You mentioned finding a place where you feel more stable again and it's great that you're looking for support. This journey should be something that you do for yourself. It sounds like the thought of losing this relaitonships is really putting pressure on you but focusing on yourself for a while and taking some space like you said could be the best thing for both of you? Unfortunately when you're going through a hard time and you're in a relationship it's your partner who will often bare the brunt of what you're going through and not everyone can stay strong.
By giving him some time and taking care of yourself you may be able to work things out further down the line. Take care