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Is it going to work long term?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Hello Everyone,

I am new here so first of all a big Hi to you all :) I've kind of lurked a little for the past few days and decided that the answers given on this site are generally a lot more mature/helpful than on other sites so here goes...

I've been with my partner for a year and a couple of months now, I am 24 and he is 23. I've started to hit that point in my life where I want to settle down properly and start a family over the next couple of years. He says he wants the same too (we have been living together for the past year also) but at the same time he says he has a lot of 'issues' to deal with in his own head before doing so.

What worries me most is that he hasn't had any other girlfriends before me, not even really any sexual partners besides a couple of brief encounters (he was a virgin when he met me). Am I mad for wishing he had done more of all of this before meeting me?!

I feel as though I got a lot of experience prior to meeting him, having had a couple of serious relationships and flings with guys (and girls!) and so I know I wouldn't miss it all at all - I've reached that point where settling down is what I want more than anything. What worries me is that in a year or two he's going to suddenly start wondering why he hadn't done that either (he said he wanted to wait for 'the one' etc but in my experience of guys, they feel the need to wander!).

Part of me knows I am being stupid for getting worked up about it all, but I can't shake the fear. I love him so much but sometimes I panic and think about ending it to let him experience more of the world and myself maybe find someone older (how awful is that :().

Has anyone got any similar experiences they can share, or any insight on it all? I'm sick of this one stupid worry tainting what is otherwise the best relationship I've ever had...

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there. Although I have never been in a relationship for as long a period as you have, I feel it's important to point out that not everyone wants or needs to do the "having fun" thing in their younger years. I don't do casual sex and never have, so it may not be the case that he's thinking along those lines.

    You've obviously been with him for quite some time now so I would suggest if you are very close trying to find out and work out what these issues are. The word "issues" is such a vague term and realistically it could be one of any number of things that are bothering him, I wouldn't make the assumption that it's down to him wanting to have fun before settling down. Hope this helps :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Some guys do want to wait. I wouldn't worry about it. My OH was 31 when I met him, had never really had a relationship at all (max of a couple of dates really), was a virgin etc. He's never wanted to just sleep around and if it hasn't felt right with someone straight off he's never been interested in persuing it. With us we knew it was perfect from word go and now we're getting married next year. Experience really doesn't matter if its right - just enjoy what you've got.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was in a similar situation a few years back when I was 19. It was my first serious relationship but she had been in a few before. We were living together from quite early on in our relationship and we had talked about marriage etc and even though I wanted to, I didn't feel quite ready. After 2yrs into the relationship I felt I was ready and proposed. Give it time and as Kazbo said, enjoy what you've got, and what is meant to happen will happen :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Wow such lovely replies, thank you so much. It does put my mind at rest to hear that some of you feel the same way he does about casual sex, and to hear from someone who has been in the same position as me. I think I have an awful habit of stereotyping men sometimes!

    I'm just confused as it was originally him who started bringing up the whole 'getting engaged' and married etc about six months ago. Back then I was was unsure about it all but I ended up thinking about it so much and getting so excited! So now that he's starting saying about having to deal with 'issues' I'm feeling a little deflated, but hey I can wait :) Just need to not let my little insecurities blow things out of proportion.

    Thank you again for your replies, Kazbo and number25 all the very best for your future weddings and chaos_insomniac - respect for your feelings towards casual sex :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Can I just start off by saying that reading about your situation and I am in a relatively similar situation myself and seeing things from a girl's point of view has really clarified a couple of things for me and helped me understand my own relationship a bit better

    When I first met my girlfriend, I was 19 and she was 17 (almost 18). She had had a few boyfriends and already had 2 longish (1year) sexual relationships behind her and a one off sexual encounter with a guy she had been seeing. Whereas I had never been in a relationship and was a virgin.

    She lives at home and I have my own place so I'm very much settled in the sense that I don't party all the time and have got my career in motion and even now at (almost) 21 I know when I want to be married, have kids etc.

    My girlfriend seems to want the same, however, she keeps asking if I feel like I've missed anything by only being with her and this bugged me, because it was as if she was having second thoughts and almost giving me a way out.

    I can honestly say that I don't feel as if I;ve missed out on anything. I've never been the kind of guy for one night stands and all that so I don't miss it. I feel that what I have now is much better that a multitude of one-offs and brief encounters.

    On the 'Issues' thing, all I can say is speak to him about what might be bothering him.

    Good luck, and stop worrying. He obviously feels as if he's met the right person if he has brought up marriage :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you Jazza, once again someone has made me feel better about it all :)

    And yes, your girlfriend sounds as though she is worrying about the same things as me, I highly doubt it has anything at all to do with her having second thoughts or anything :)

    Time for me to stop worrying, I know my partner has trust issues etc which could be a major player in him having to think carefully about making that final commitment, I shall keep endevouring to prove myself and be the best girlfriend I can in the meantime :)

    Thanks again!
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