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dont know where to begin

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi all ... Im new to this site and joined in hope of finding people who like myself find it hard to cope and resort to methods of self harm....
I would like to be able to chat with people and not feel like a freak or weird, just people who may understand what its like to self harm without being judged.... I do have a very supporting family but still i cant speak with them as when i do i see the hurt and pain i cause in there eyes...
Where to begin???? Thats the hard part....

I was eight years old the first time i ever self harmed nothing serious and nothing no one would or could ever notice... Even at that age i knew how to hide it and what hurt hurt it would bring on my family....

A friend of my brothers started abusing a friend and i... Our little secret as he called it. Making us swear we could never tell or we'd be taking away never to see our family again... We were scared!!! after about six months he decided to rape me on a regular basis... Trying to find away for my brain to be able to block that pain i started using pins and needles to jag myself but as time went on it stopped working... These acts carried out till i was 12... By then i knew it had to stop, so finally i plucked up the courage to tell someone... He was arrested and sent to prison, but i still couldnt cope. Seeing his family everyday was the worse... The harming was so much worse by now... Then when my daughter was born, my lil angel at the young age of thirteen, the authorities taken her away from me saying "i would blame her for her daddy's mistakes". I couldnt understand why they wouldnt even give me the chance, i knew it wasnt her fault and loved her... Anyways i did get her back (only time the harm stopped) after more court cases and no one knowing the harm i done to my body... She was three when she died of kidney failer... Since life has got harder and harming got way worse, ive never got over her and i know i never will....
Many years have passed now... Things have went wrong in so many ways but i guess im still here... I got married and we seperated two years ago and the harming stopped again for two years and no harming till last week.. I dunno why it has started again, wot set it off??? i have no answer to that question...
30 slashes to my arms n legs, which tore the nerves in my arms....

Im sorry i have written along page but i hope... We can all help each other out. Thank you for taking the time to read and good luck...

take care xoxox

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi :wave:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    self harming again! This is seriously getting worrying, yo all seeking somefing but I doubt the answers are on here, you can share so much but the real reasons are buried somewhere in your soul, till you confront them you aint going to get the peace you want!
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