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ahh dear.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Health & Wellbeing
right, not doing so well lately.

am still on the waiting list for counciling and self harming seems to have got pretty bad.
have stopped cutting but started burning myself which at first didn't seem as bad but now the marks are really obvious and people [inculding my parents] are asking questions. i thought i'd managed to stop self harming- i'd cut back to a couple oftimes a week somehow but now ive gone back to nearly every day. ive tried every possible way of distracting myself but in the end it just makes me feel worse because i feel like im doing whatever im doing wrong. [like if im drawing, if the slightest thing goes wrong i'll feel awful]
i'm in a constant bad mood with everyone and it feels like my friends dont want to be my friend anymore- after all, who wants to be friends with someone whose constantly moody or upset?
part of me feels like i deserve it for some reason.

i just feel like every day is dragging on without a purpose. i've got very few reasons to keep holding on, and when i think about them, theyre not really reasons at all, but i try not to think of that.
i'm just sick of everything and everyone and i feel constantly terrible.
i know i need to stop feeling sorry for myself and do something to make myself better, but i really dont know how to, or even if theres a point to me doing that.

sorry, i know this is probably really similar to my other posts and whatever.

hope you're all okay.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you're burning make sure whatever you're using is clean and sterile beforehand. I know from experience that if it gets infected it can get really, really nasty so please be careful. Obviously the best scenario is not doing it at all but at the moment it seems like that's not a realistic option so make sure to keep it clean and that will reduce the scarring. Buy an antiseptic cream (Savlon/Sudocrem/similar) and use it twice a day which should help to reduce infection. DO NOT BURST THE BLISTERS. That also increases the risk of infection and you could end up with scars like mine - not at all pretty. If you're willing to do it, go to the doctor and ask him for some antibiotic cream - they actually make one specifically for burns - which is amazing. You don't have to tell him anything, just show him the burn and if he asks why just tell him you'd rather not say or even lie.

    Has the doctor suggested anti-depressants for you while you're on the waiting list? They could help. There are also other ways of 'harming' which don't leave a mark. If you need the pain, try an ice cube in the crook of your elbow - the cold will provide the pain but won't leave lasting damage. If it's seeing the blood, some people suggest writing with a red pen over yourself. This has never worked for me but it does work for other so you can try it if you think it might help.

    I hope you feel better soon. Remember to keep talking and make sure everything you do is clean.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Magpie,

    I know it may not seem like it right now, but some of what you have said is positive stuff - You have sought out help and got yourself on a waiting list for some counselling; you have parents who are concerned for you; you have been trying things to distract yourself from self-harming and you have thought of reasons why you would like to keep holding on. This is all small steps in the right direction and a place for you to build from.

    It sound's like you have replaced cutting with burning. You have been given a really good response from Franki - with some first hand advice and tips for you to think about.

    The only thing that we can add is some resources of support groups and websites that you may find useful? The only one not on there is the Samaritans (08457 90 90 90) who you could call at any time to talk through how you are feeling. You may have already seen them, but we have some pages on dealing with urges and distraction tips. Some of these ideas, along with Franki's may give you something new to try? These do not work for everyone, so it is not a failure on your part if they are not working out for you.

    have you spoken to your friends about feeling like they don't want to be your friends anymore? It may be that they are finding it difficult themselves, or it may just be that they have a lot on in their own lives? It may be worth just laying your cards on the table and seeing what response you get?

    Take care and keep posting - :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hey everyone, thanks for the advice :)

    just though i'd let you know i've managed to go cold turkey and cut back [no pun intended, please excuse the expression] on the self harming.
    have managed to go about 2 weeks without cutting / burning myself, so i'm quite proud :)

    bad news on the burning though- theyve left some really nasty scars because theyd got infected, so thats part of the reason ive stopped.




    my friends are still being weird with me, but its not as bad because i managed to confront them about it.

    have still got a lot of issues to work through but im trying to sort them out without self harming. i did want to go on antidepressants because nearly every day i feel exceptionally down, but my gp doesnt want to putme on them just yet because she wants to see if i progress without them or something and she says it wouldnt be a very good idea at my age.

    have also been diagnosed with anxiety problems recently, however, i've managed to get some treatment for them and i'm working my way through that.



    thanks for all your help so far :)
    hope you're all okay.
    x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hello Magpie :wave:

    Well done :thumb: that is fantastic,you have worked really hard and your very brave.
    It isnt easy to do what you`ve achieved, were glad the site helped , keep posting and using the site for support and information, this will help you continue the hard work you have done.

    Your doctor sounds very nice, understanding and really poistive, so thats great.

    Take care :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    okay, kinda feel like a let-down now.
    have gone back to cutting these past few days.

    i dont know what triggered it really, i just felt so down, and got the urge to cut myself, and i was trying not to but something made me do it and now ive got two really long cuts down my arms.

    i feel ashamed of myself because id gone two weeks without it and now every time i see the cuts it just reminds me that i'm not brave at all.
    now that ive started again though, i find myself wanting to do it more and more and more, like, the smallest things will make me want to just dig the blade into my arms or my stomach.

    part of me wants to stop and part of me doesnt.
    it's just really hard to stop the bad side, if that makes sense?
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