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advice/help needed
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
ive been on these boards befor, but i never feel comfortable seeking any kind of help for long periods of time... anyway,
i have recently broke up with my long-distance girlfriend, about a month ago, and i realy want her back. thats the short of it.
the longer story is that we both have depression and are self harmers and im was/am bordering suicidal thought.
she was on a change of meds, she suddenly became verry distant. ok, that was expected, but at the same time, she realy wanted me to go see a doctor about mine. i agreed to, but only for her, which she couldnt understand.
about a week befor we split, i had said that she lied about loveing me. i get odd bouts of of being realy verbaly abusive to those that mean the most to me. and unfortunatly, this cut realy deep with her. i know how much of a dick i am for saying it, and it hurts me too to know that what i said, i didnt mean, and that it hurt her so much. she then became unable to say that she loves me anymore. i then couldnt stop myself from reaching the conclusion that she didnt love me at all, and i was trying to get some kind of sign out of her.
i gave her about a week to decide what she thought, and when she couldnt decide, i cancled my next doc's appointment becuase i was only doing it for her. i gave her another week,and she was devestated that i had cancled because i shouldve benn doing it for me. i said i thought she was loosing me, and she said that if she was, then she didnt think we could make it.
the part that realy hits it for me is that i wanted a clean break. i didnt want to be a friend, because i would always want her, and i still do (i know its only a month but...) and she would be someone i could never have. she was devistated by this too...
she said that she could have me in the state i was, but i thought i was getting better, i was seeing a doctor, i was doing what she wanted, but she said that we both had to be sorted befor we could be together. i tried to compramise, like help each other get better, and i dont feel ready to go to the docs again alone, but she wouldnt come, and she wont wait untill i feel ready to go.
in the end, it got a little messy and i havnt spoken to her for about a month. i still love her though and i realy want her back. ive tried to remove all evidence of her from my life, but im left with a big hole inside that just keeps getting bigger...
what im asking is, with all that in mind, should i still try and chase her? does anyone think i could get things to work?
if not, how do i move on? she was such a huge part of my life for 6 months, and i was so dependant on her.
i could realy do with some help on this... this has realy fucked me up big time.:( :nervous:
i have recently broke up with my long-distance girlfriend, about a month ago, and i realy want her back. thats the short of it.
the longer story is that we both have depression and are self harmers and im was/am bordering suicidal thought.
she was on a change of meds, she suddenly became verry distant. ok, that was expected, but at the same time, she realy wanted me to go see a doctor about mine. i agreed to, but only for her, which she couldnt understand.
about a week befor we split, i had said that she lied about loveing me. i get odd bouts of of being realy verbaly abusive to those that mean the most to me. and unfortunatly, this cut realy deep with her. i know how much of a dick i am for saying it, and it hurts me too to know that what i said, i didnt mean, and that it hurt her so much. she then became unable to say that she loves me anymore. i then couldnt stop myself from reaching the conclusion that she didnt love me at all, and i was trying to get some kind of sign out of her.
i gave her about a week to decide what she thought, and when she couldnt decide, i cancled my next doc's appointment becuase i was only doing it for her. i gave her another week,and she was devestated that i had cancled because i shouldve benn doing it for me. i said i thought she was loosing me, and she said that if she was, then she didnt think we could make it.
the part that realy hits it for me is that i wanted a clean break. i didnt want to be a friend, because i would always want her, and i still do (i know its only a month but...) and she would be someone i could never have. she was devistated by this too...
she said that she could have me in the state i was, but i thought i was getting better, i was seeing a doctor, i was doing what she wanted, but she said that we both had to be sorted befor we could be together. i tried to compramise, like help each other get better, and i dont feel ready to go to the docs again alone, but she wouldnt come, and she wont wait untill i feel ready to go.
in the end, it got a little messy and i havnt spoken to her for about a month. i still love her though and i realy want her back. ive tried to remove all evidence of her from my life, but im left with a big hole inside that just keeps getting bigger...
what im asking is, with all that in mind, should i still try and chase her? does anyone think i could get things to work?
if not, how do i move on? she was such a huge part of my life for 6 months, and i was so dependant on her.
i could realy do with some help on this... this has realy fucked me up big time.:( :nervous:
0
Comments
theres nothing ne1 can do or say to make you feel better
its about finding yourself, and coping with it in your own way
ino its so hard dealing with it, but it does get easier
it gets to a point where when you see her, or hear her, or hear someone say her name or talk about her that your heart still skips a beat. that you still feel sick when you see pictures of her, think about her and you hate talking about her.
But it gets to a point where you have to accept it, i love her i always will, but she wasnt happy, and if it makes her happy being with somone else then thats ok with me, because i love her.
thats how i feel and im happy, you will be oneday too when you find the place where you can put it inside.
From what you've wrote it seems you've pretty much dug your own grave in the relationship. As I'm sure you realise you've probably hurt her a lot with your behaviour. Furthermore, if you don't feel ready to deal with your depression then a relationship may not be your best bet yet. Two things that would support that in my view is that you can't control your temper (verbally abusive to those close to you) and that you say you were dependant on her.
In essence, she was right that you'd have to be sorted for this to work out well. However, if you're only reluctantly doing what you think she wants you to do, you're doing it for the wrong reasons. Dealing with depression requires so much strength and determination and if you're not committed in your heart to endure the ride then it's unlikely to result in anything long term.
Unless something changes in your life, I don't think another try with that girl will yield different results.
its happened in the past a number of times. i just wish it would stop.
oh.
thats pretty much what she said, but if i have to mean it at my heart, i dont think i can. i only went to the docs for the first time for her. and i would have cntinued going if thats what she wanted.
ive never realy cared for myself, and its never done any serious damage, so ive never had a reason to want to get better. but i want her love and that meant i had to go, so i did.
i just done think i want to get better either, at least, not without her.
thanks for your oppinions though. its what i think i needed.