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Could you beat this one...?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey, I'm a 25yr old Single dad. Its been just me and my daughter for 4 years. Life was ok, we were just trundling along with life, when...
... I got a new neighbour, I new from the second I saw her, things would definately get serious between us
We became really good friends, turns out she had just come out of a marriage - her husband and cheated on her - as did my daughters mother which caused us to split, we shared so many things in common we were made for each other, a month after she moved in we got it together, I fell in love with her, and she fell in love with me. As usual the the start (as in any relationship) was beyond anything we could ever imagine, everything was perfect.
She kept telling me how perfect I was too ..
..But I knew I wasn't:(
I unfortunately had a secret, I have another child out there who I don't see - the mother (a different one ) constructed an evil plan and lied to me about contraception to get pregnant to get herself out of financial difficulties - I had never told anyone, not a soul.
Until now.
I couldn't keep it from my neighbour because if things were to continue getting serious I couldn't not tell her - it would feel as if I were liying to her about myself.
I told her, and she was fine with it:yes:
I was pretty shaken, I felt sick - I looked really bad apparently, In my neighbours attempt to make me feel better she told me she had a secret:no:
When she was 14 her cousin had come onto her, she had her first kiss with her cousin and her first sexual experiences (not full on sex yet) this went on till she was 18:crying: when they finally had sex - they got caught by the cousins mum, her whole family know about it.
She tells me it was completely a mistake and it makes her feel sick and ashamed:crying:
I just dont know what to do, I love her more than anything, and I want to just accept it as a mistake as she did with mine, but it keeps coming back.
We are moving in together in 3 days, we are engaged - what a mess!!
I'm finding it really hard to cope with:crying:
Help:(
... I got a new neighbour, I new from the second I saw her, things would definately get serious between us
We became really good friends, turns out she had just come out of a marriage - her husband and cheated on her - as did my daughters mother which caused us to split, we shared so many things in common we were made for each other, a month after she moved in we got it together, I fell in love with her, and she fell in love with me. As usual the the start (as in any relationship) was beyond anything we could ever imagine, everything was perfect.
She kept telling me how perfect I was too ..
..But I knew I wasn't:(
I unfortunately had a secret, I have another child out there who I don't see - the mother (a different one ) constructed an evil plan and lied to me about contraception to get pregnant to get herself out of financial difficulties - I had never told anyone, not a soul.
Until now.
I couldn't keep it from my neighbour because if things were to continue getting serious I couldn't not tell her - it would feel as if I were liying to her about myself.
I told her, and she was fine with it:yes:
I was pretty shaken, I felt sick - I looked really bad apparently, In my neighbours attempt to make me feel better she told me she had a secret:no:
When she was 14 her cousin had come onto her, she had her first kiss with her cousin and her first sexual experiences (not full on sex yet) this went on till she was 18:crying: when they finally had sex - they got caught by the cousins mum, her whole family know about it.
She tells me it was completely a mistake and it makes her feel sick and ashamed:crying:
I just dont know what to do, I love her more than anything, and I want to just accept it as a mistake as she did with mine, but it keeps coming back.
We are moving in together in 3 days, we are engaged - what a mess!!
I'm finding it really hard to cope with:crying:
Help:(
0
Comments
Sorry to hear you feel like everything is a mess. From reading your story what stands out to me is that it sounds like you really have something worth holding on to here. You felt able to share a secret with her that you had been hiding for a very long time which really shows how comfortable and safe you feel with her. What's more is that she didn't judge you for it, she accepted it as part of who you are and shared her secret with you to show you that everyone makes mistakes.
A lot of people have things in their past that they regret and imagine the changes you go through as a person from the age of 14-18 to where you are now? In hindsight she can see it as a mistake. At the time decisions you make at a young age are often reactive and not as considered as they may be when you're older.
A lot of relationships suffer from a lack of honest communcation but it doesn't sound like that's something you guys are missing. Maybe you can tell her how hard you're finding it to accept but think about what you want for the future, perhaps together you can focus on that?
I hope you can work things out
And no, I haven't done it, and not just because I'm five years older than all my other cousins. But it's a taboo that doesn't have to be abusive.
People make mistakes when they're young, they develop inappropriate crushes and don't always have the emotional maturity to walk away from their feelings. If you can't forgive then it will always crop up, and it's up to you whether you can forgive or not, but it'd be such a shame to throw all this away for something that happened a long time ago.
She trusted you a lot to tell you that and it'd be an awful way to repay that trust to chuck her for it.
To be frank, the skeletons in your closet are hardly small bones. She's dealt with your secret and responded by telling you a secret in return, one, I feel, she didn't necessarily have to tell you and probably took her some bottle to do so.
If she's as wonderful as you say she is, I hardly think this is something that should cause permanent problems.
I agree :yes: she accepted your secret, so should you. Shouldnt you be able to look past this if she is this "perfect girl". I know its a hard thing to look past, but at a younge age at 14 its easy to get confused and its easy to get taken advantage of....
What is getting to me the most is :yuck: I keep having horrible images :yuck: its not the whole "cousin thing" I dont think.
If I were to sit there and dwell on her husband and her in bed I would feel the same.
It would be naive to think she didn't have fun with other people as I have.
Agreed - you've both come clean about your pasts, and you're kind of even stevens now. I hope you can get your head around the cousin story; she must trust you to confide that sort of information, and sees a future for you, otherwise she wouldn't have revealed it. If you're feeling overwhelmed, take a step back and don't rush into anything permanent before you're ready for it. All the best x