If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
need help giving my gf an orgasm
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi guys,
I'm 21 years old and have been in sexual relationships in the past where I have managed to give the girl an orgasm (or at least thats what they said/or acted like), not the point anyhow. For the past 5 months I've been in a relationship with a girl for which I have very strong feelings. She was a virgin up to the point when we first had sex and ever since then I have not managed to give her an orgasm. We have talked about it and I have done some researching and found that it's normal for a girl her age (20) to have a difficulty reaching an orgasm especially since she is sexually inexperienced. Still it is very frustrating for both of us and we both want to do what we can to make it happen. She also has masturbated before but again not managed to achieve an orgasm.
We have tried lots of things and I have tried to be as patient as possible by spending as much time and giving as much patience and attention as I can to please her. I always apply generous amounts of lubricant, have tried using my hand, tongue as well as a vibrator. With all three we have gotten very close but not there, in each case for different reasons. When I use my hand I follow her prompts to go faster slower, firmer or softer and usually gets to a point where she's climaxing (starts breathing heavily and moving around almost involuntarily) but suddenly she urges me to stop because she feels too stimulated, not that it hurts, but that it's just too sensitive, sometimes in the heat of passion I continue thinking that maybe she thinks its too much but its part of the whole climaxing process but she just ends up really moving around almost violently and I have to stop. Is it possible that she's reached an orgasm? Because it seems like its kind of like when I reach an orgasm and my penis get's too sensitive to touch and it causes me to twitch involuntarily.
The other thing is when we use a vibrator she only starts climaxing when she hits this specific spot around her clitoris. It seems to be tiny because I cant seem to find it and when she finds it for me I keep it for a while until she starts moving again and the slightest deviation from it (even 1-2mm off) will cause her to lose that feeling. She doesn't like doing it herself though (and personally I prefer to do it), so it's hard for us to do so, plus it seems to get a bit too technical at that point so the passion is kind of lost.
The last (and im sorry for making this post so long its just I have searched everything and I really want to make this happen), is that when I perform oral sex she enjoys it generally, but only starts to climax when I do a specific repetitive and very quick motion on her clitoris.The problem is it gets to a point where my tongue and jaw just gets exhausted so I have to take a break at which point she's lost her rhythm.
I'd like to know if any of you have any experience overcoming these problems and again I apologize for the really long post. Thanks!
I'm 21 years old and have been in sexual relationships in the past where I have managed to give the girl an orgasm (or at least thats what they said/or acted like), not the point anyhow. For the past 5 months I've been in a relationship with a girl for which I have very strong feelings. She was a virgin up to the point when we first had sex and ever since then I have not managed to give her an orgasm. We have talked about it and I have done some researching and found that it's normal for a girl her age (20) to have a difficulty reaching an orgasm especially since she is sexually inexperienced. Still it is very frustrating for both of us and we both want to do what we can to make it happen. She also has masturbated before but again not managed to achieve an orgasm.
We have tried lots of things and I have tried to be as patient as possible by spending as much time and giving as much patience and attention as I can to please her. I always apply generous amounts of lubricant, have tried using my hand, tongue as well as a vibrator. With all three we have gotten very close but not there, in each case for different reasons. When I use my hand I follow her prompts to go faster slower, firmer or softer and usually gets to a point where she's climaxing (starts breathing heavily and moving around almost involuntarily) but suddenly she urges me to stop because she feels too stimulated, not that it hurts, but that it's just too sensitive, sometimes in the heat of passion I continue thinking that maybe she thinks its too much but its part of the whole climaxing process but she just ends up really moving around almost violently and I have to stop. Is it possible that she's reached an orgasm? Because it seems like its kind of like when I reach an orgasm and my penis get's too sensitive to touch and it causes me to twitch involuntarily.
The other thing is when we use a vibrator she only starts climaxing when she hits this specific spot around her clitoris. It seems to be tiny because I cant seem to find it and when she finds it for me I keep it for a while until she starts moving again and the slightest deviation from it (even 1-2mm off) will cause her to lose that feeling. She doesn't like doing it herself though (and personally I prefer to do it), so it's hard for us to do so, plus it seems to get a bit too technical at that point so the passion is kind of lost.
The last (and im sorry for making this post so long its just I have searched everything and I really want to make this happen), is that when I perform oral sex she enjoys it generally, but only starts to climax when I do a specific repetitive and very quick motion on her clitoris.The problem is it gets to a point where my tongue and jaw just gets exhausted so I have to take a break at which point she's lost her rhythm.
I'd like to know if any of you have any experience overcoming these problems and again I apologize for the really long post. Thanks!
0
Comments
IME the whole 'moving around violently' bit has always been a sign that I'm hitting all the right spots and a huge O is imminent ... perhaps she's just so unused to that level of sensation that it's freaking her out a bit?
It doesn't sound like you're doing anything wrong, you're trying loads of different things and discussing it, and from some of the reactions you're getting I'd say you're hitting the right spots.
Not really sure what else to suggest though ... *hands over to someone more experienced*
haha!
thanks though eddish
either way i can really relate to your gf's problems. if she is on any meds is it possible to change them? i changed mine for the sole purpose of orgasming (man, that was a fun conversation with the gp...)
i dont know if you've done this but here are few tips that might help(i wish more guys did these for me!),
* if this is a state of mind problem, relax her (i expect at this stage she's so nervous weather shes going to come or not the thought of this is stopping her). its an old saying that the mind is the biggest sex organ in the body but its the one a lot of guys forget.
-make her more aware of her entire body during foreplay don't just focus on the obvious. massages, whole body stroking and kissing and the like, and a LOT of it before u get to the more intense stuff. it is very sensual and will make her feel more pampered than a project. your aim is to make her forget it was ever a problem
-talk to her. you've relaxed her physically now prep her mentally. i dont know what kind of sex you're into, if it is the more gentle making love or nasty sex so, you'll have to work out what exactly you say, but sex talk has always been the tipping point for me.
*on a more technical note, the clitoral orgasm is the easiest one to achieve, so keep doing what you're doing. try alternating hand and mouth, because theres no getting around how repetitive it has to be.
-keep outside the clitoral hood (google it:p). when the clit is stimulated it becomes engourged much like a penis, and will peep out of the hood more than usual. for me, the actual clit is WAY to sensitive to touch and countless times ive been so close and the sonofabitch inadvertently applies direct pressure and the moment is gone. like foreskins, some girls just have more hood than others . to avoid this problem, work your magic in a downwards (towards the toes motion), especially towards the end.
erm, thats it. hope it helped, and let us know. good luck!
Like Eddish said though it does sound like she's got some sort of block and gets nervous about how stimulated shes getting.
Maybe you could suggest to her that she spends more time with herself so she knows what feels good for her, and then maybe she wont be so afraid of getting to close to climaxing.
Just keep taking it slow, small steps at a time so she gets used to it. I'm sure once the seal has been broken so to speak, she'll be fine with it
they say the mind is the best turn-on... or something like that
Turn her mind on and her body will follow.
also I've heard that some girls feel a sensation, something a bit like "needing to pee" and that causes them to stop, as they think they're going to wet themselves... they're not,. its fine... (sure I read that on the http://sexperienceuk.channel4.com/ website)
....ohhhh really agree the tip top advice from Evenstar!!
________
CestLaVie