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Bored with my life
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I don't know what I'm expecting from writing all this out, or even if i'll click 'enter' and post it when I'm finished. I'm just hoping that putting it down on paper, or laptop even, may help untangle the big mess that is going on in my head at the moment.
I'm not happy with the way my life is at the moment. It's just not how I expected my life to be at the age of 19. I feel guilty for feeling this way, because from the outside I'm sure many people would be quite happy to have the life I have, but I feel I have to attempt and talk to somebody about it because I can't work out what to do on my own.
I've been with my boyfriend for three years, since we were both 16. Although I love him to bits and care about him loads, I just can't work out if I'm happy. We've had the same routine for the whole time we've been together. We see each other on a weekend, he goes off to football on a Sunday, (and also plays a lot during the week which explains why we don't see each other) we go to football together on a Saturday, or we go in town for a few hours. It's just got so, boring. I'm just not the sort of person who likes routine. I like doing things spontaneously. I've tried ringing him up and saying 'I'm gonna come pick you up and take you out for tea' but he has some excuse lined up. I've tried talking to him about this but he just doesn't seemed bothered. We just have no fun left in our relationship. We're like an old couple, set in our ways.
I'm in my second year at University. I'm going to University in my home town. I decided not to move away because I didn't want to leave my boyfriend, but to be honest I am a bit of a homebird. I've never really regretted this decision, until recently. I feel like I'm missing out quite a lot. I'm still living at home with my parents, and although we get on fine (90% of the time) it's just not the same. I go to university and then I come home, that's it. It's just not how I imagine Uni life to be. To me, Uni isn't just about the lectures, it's about the whole lifestyle which I don't have.
My boyfriend and I planned to get a flat when we got back from our Summer holidays, but he lost his job and hasn't been able to get another one so that ideas on hold for the moment.
I've not really made friends with anybody at Uni because my friend from college is on the same course so we've just stuck together. Of course, I've talked to people, but just never become good friends with any of them. I think people living in halls in the first year obviously made friends much more easily, because they had to, were as because I knew somebody already, and was in every lecture with her I never really made the effort.
Another thing I'm missing out on is going out. I loved the nights out we had before everyone went off to university. I had quite a large group of friends at school, who all went on to do their own things, then I had a smaller group of friends at college, but now I seem to have no-one. Everyone has gone off to do their own thing. I feel totally on my own. My 'best' friend, who I've been friends with since primary school, has moved about 20 miles away, has a son and basically an exciting life of her own. Although we talk reguarly, I don't feel I can talk to her about certain things. Maybe I'm been dramatic, I do have friends, just nobody I feel close to, nobody I can to about anything, so my boyfriend ends up getting it all, and he never knows what to say which really frustrates me, although I realise it's not his fault.
One thing I'd really love to do is go travelling for a month or so next Summer, but it's not something I could do alone, and my it doens't interest my boyfriend at all, or my friends. I feel like I'm missing out on so much.
I feel like I've ended up becoming dependent on my boyfriend. He's really the only one I go anywhere with, the only one I talk to. I know this isn't good for me or our relationship but I just don't know what to do. I spend the nights apart waiting for the weekends, rather than enjoying the time to myself which is how I know it should be.
I just feel like my whole life needs shaking up and I don't know how to go about it. I've got no confidence anymore, I'm constantly critising myself in my head, thinking I'm not good enough for stuff.
Recently, I have started to become a bit more independent, just small things, for example although I passed my driving test a year ago untill just recently I've been pretrified of driving, but I have began driving places on my own, going shopping, driving to uni and not relying on my friend picking me up which has made me feel better about myself.
I don't know what I'm expecting anyone to say to this, or even if it will make sense to anyone, I'm just hoping when I re-read it things may become a little clearer to me.
I'm not happy with the way my life is at the moment. It's just not how I expected my life to be at the age of 19. I feel guilty for feeling this way, because from the outside I'm sure many people would be quite happy to have the life I have, but I feel I have to attempt and talk to somebody about it because I can't work out what to do on my own.
I've been with my boyfriend for three years, since we were both 16. Although I love him to bits and care about him loads, I just can't work out if I'm happy. We've had the same routine for the whole time we've been together. We see each other on a weekend, he goes off to football on a Sunday, (and also plays a lot during the week which explains why we don't see each other) we go to football together on a Saturday, or we go in town for a few hours. It's just got so, boring. I'm just not the sort of person who likes routine. I like doing things spontaneously. I've tried ringing him up and saying 'I'm gonna come pick you up and take you out for tea' but he has some excuse lined up. I've tried talking to him about this but he just doesn't seemed bothered. We just have no fun left in our relationship. We're like an old couple, set in our ways.
I'm in my second year at University. I'm going to University in my home town. I decided not to move away because I didn't want to leave my boyfriend, but to be honest I am a bit of a homebird. I've never really regretted this decision, until recently. I feel like I'm missing out quite a lot. I'm still living at home with my parents, and although we get on fine (90% of the time) it's just not the same. I go to university and then I come home, that's it. It's just not how I imagine Uni life to be. To me, Uni isn't just about the lectures, it's about the whole lifestyle which I don't have.
My boyfriend and I planned to get a flat when we got back from our Summer holidays, but he lost his job and hasn't been able to get another one so that ideas on hold for the moment.
I've not really made friends with anybody at Uni because my friend from college is on the same course so we've just stuck together. Of course, I've talked to people, but just never become good friends with any of them. I think people living in halls in the first year obviously made friends much more easily, because they had to, were as because I knew somebody already, and was in every lecture with her I never really made the effort.
Another thing I'm missing out on is going out. I loved the nights out we had before everyone went off to university. I had quite a large group of friends at school, who all went on to do their own things, then I had a smaller group of friends at college, but now I seem to have no-one. Everyone has gone off to do their own thing. I feel totally on my own. My 'best' friend, who I've been friends with since primary school, has moved about 20 miles away, has a son and basically an exciting life of her own. Although we talk reguarly, I don't feel I can talk to her about certain things. Maybe I'm been dramatic, I do have friends, just nobody I feel close to, nobody I can to about anything, so my boyfriend ends up getting it all, and he never knows what to say which really frustrates me, although I realise it's not his fault.
One thing I'd really love to do is go travelling for a month or so next Summer, but it's not something I could do alone, and my it doens't interest my boyfriend at all, or my friends. I feel like I'm missing out on so much.
I feel like I've ended up becoming dependent on my boyfriend. He's really the only one I go anywhere with, the only one I talk to. I know this isn't good for me or our relationship but I just don't know what to do. I spend the nights apart waiting for the weekends, rather than enjoying the time to myself which is how I know it should be.
I just feel like my whole life needs shaking up and I don't know how to go about it. I've got no confidence anymore, I'm constantly critising myself in my head, thinking I'm not good enough for stuff.
Recently, I have started to become a bit more independent, just small things, for example although I passed my driving test a year ago untill just recently I've been pretrified of driving, but I have began driving places on my own, going shopping, driving to uni and not relying on my friend picking me up which has made me feel better about myself.
I don't know what I'm expecting anyone to say to this, or even if it will make sense to anyone, I'm just hoping when I re-read it things may become a little clearer to me.
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Comments
a) end it with the boyfriend (maybe gradually, like tell him things arent right, give him a chance to break routine but basically it sounds to me like you need to be single!)
b) move out - not everyone at your uni can be local can they, so you could move out of home into someones house or flat, there are bound to be some rooms kicking around, if you get your student loan that should cover the cost of that. moving out will give you a lot more freedom and let you meet new ppl and make it easier for you to go out
c) join uni clubs and stuff to meet new people not just hang out with theat one friend, then (if you dont do it this year) next year you could live with one of your new friends.
It will be useful to live near home still but moving out will help everything. Yer lectures are important, we go to uni to do a degree, but it makes you (and me) feel so much better to really integrate into uni life and go out and stuff.
Hopefully this helps, you don't sound happy, so you must do something. A couple of weeks ago i was going to write a similar thread, titled - Unsatisfied - with boy friend uni and everything, but since then everythings changed, no boy friend=uni much better! For now anyway, i want to find love again one day, but i'm in no hurry.
Good luck!
With regards to uni, I am quite fortunate that I have experienced both living away whilst doing my degree, and then at home for my post grad.
Living at uni is amazing, you feel you are doing so much more with your university life. You meet other people in your accommodation, on your road etc. and this in itself makes you feel amazing.
When I was at home, I often felt I was missing out on things as I had to get back, couldnt go on nights out as it would cost too much to get home. Didnt make half as many friends as those who lived around uni. I wasnt bothered as I was only there for a year and had already experience uni life.
If you can afford it, I would suggest moving in with either someone from your class, or see if there are any flat shares advertised in the union
I hope you find some happiness, and I truly think you will if you venture out of your parents, with or without your boyfriend.
I talked to my boyfriend last night, and I really felt like I'd got through to him at last, and I went to bed feeling much better, but today things got even worse than they were before. I just know the relationship is going no where and dragging me down.
I just don't know whether I've got the balls to end it. I really feel without him I have no one and I'm worried I'm going to end up on my own forever.
Just writing this is making my eyes go all watery :crying:
It will take effort on your part, and that might be the biggest hurdle, but you need to get out and about. The Uni is bound to have loads of clubs, societies and what not - join them, hell even if its painting, or watch making - do something!
Its hard if you are feeling down, and in a rut to push yourself to join in, but it is the only way out of the situation you are in.
Aww, it sounds like you've got some big decisions ahead of you, and as Bunnie says, it will be difficult and painful to make the break if you feel that's the right thing to do. In the long run though, taking a leap of faith to change things for the better can make you feel strong, brave and excited for the future. There's never a perfect option, but there are always preferable ones based on your aims and ambitions.
I guess what you'll be thinking about is whether or not being with your boyfriend is truly dragging your life down, or whether if you became more independent you would enjoy the relationship more and cherish the time you have together. It's a hard one to call and a question only you can answer. Perhaps one option is to make some further changes and see how you feel about your boyfriend once other things in your life improve. One of the benefits of this is that you can then feel as though you've given things their best shot and if you realise you're truly happier exploring your life without him then it's an informed choice. On the other hand you may have decided that you know your boyfriend well enough to know the outcomes already.
Some of the things you could start to do include:
Finally, why not come to our live chat next Tuesday to talk to an expert from a students union who could offer you some pointers.
I hope this helps a little - and keep posting.
Wow, you do not know how refreshing it is to read a blog that you almost could have written yourself. I'm in my third year of uni and I feel exactly the same way.
I have a boyfriend and he's wonderful - we've been together three years and I love him to bits, but our relationship has gotten so routine and boring. I see him every weekend and I too wait out the week until the weekend- but at 21 it feels like such a waste? I went to uni in my hometown and as a result only usually go out with my best friend and hang around with one uni mate I've become really close to. I really want to just up and leave, go travelling and meet new people but money is a factor and I don't fancy going on my own. I just feel so stuck in a rut.
I think at the end of the day you only live life once. We're both young and my biggest regret would be to get to my 40's or 50's and look back and see my twenties down the pan because I stayed in a restricting relationship and didn't do anything with my life. Your responsible for how your life pans out and if you stay with your boyfriend, miss out on all the fun and then split up with him a few years down the line and regret it only your to blame. And remember, uni isn't always the hotbed of fun people say it should be. Don't worry about what other people think. Uni is your own personal experience - some people love it other people hate it. Don't feel bad for not having a great time at uni - when you leave you'll still be young and you can have loads of fun then.
I hope this has helped in some small way. Writing this has helped me in a way - it helps putting things down on paper. Best of luck, it would be great to find out how things are going now!?
Pink Bunnie
Just a thought
Things aren't much different to when I posted tbh.
Something happened at the beginning of Nov (don't want to talk about it really) that devestated me. My boyfriend was brilliant, there for me 100% and really got me through the first few weeks which were awful. He's been staying at my house, with my parents since then.
A few weeks ago my boyfriend started a new christmas temp job working nights and that's been hard. He's away all night, sleeping all day. I'm getting very lonely.
Tonight we've had a bit of an argument. He's been in bed all day, literally got out of bed twenty minutes before he had to go to work, whilst I've been tidying up all day. I asked him to do one thing, take the rubbish out to the bin. I went to get a bath and he went to work whilst I was in there. Got out to find the rubbish still there and his clothes all over :mad:
He's just found out he wont be been kept on at work, eventhough he was told he was guarenteed a job at the start. Which means we can't get a flat, as we were planning. Could really do with our own space.
As for Uni, I'm just getting on with it. I think it would be such a waste to drop out now, I'm pretty much half way through the whole uni thing, might aswell just get on with it.
Oh, think I mentioned about getting more independant, driving on my own etc. That's all stopped now. Somebody went into the back of my car last week, haven't been able to get back in the car since
Perhaps he needs a fright. If you break up with him, he might realise how little effort he put into the relationship, and beg you to take him back promising he will change...or he won't care, in which case you are free to find someone who appreciates you more.
It can be really lonely when you feel you have no-one to talk to, but friendships can bloom from the unlikely-est of places. Make the effort to talk to people at your uni, and if you have the time, join clubs/societies that interest you.
good luck xx
The thing is, your 20's is the decade when you can have the most fun, freedom & least responsibility, in comparison to the rest of your life. You HAVE to enjoy it. Once we split that time, I had a blast! I was in uni & ended up having so many fun nights out, I even look back on my life then with envy, if that doesn't sound wierd! (I'm nearly 35 now, married etc!) You have to grab the bull by the horns, your 20's go by so fast, & You'll never get that time back. It's great you have the freedom of being able to drive, my ex hated the fact I could drive! So thats saying something! Anyway, it'll feel shitty for a while, but i consoled myself with fun nights out, & looking forward to meeting someone new, and I did meet Mr. Right! Good luck xxx