If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
Damn those social networking sites
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Recently my wife has told me she no longer loves me and wants to separate. We have been together for 13 years and married for 11. We have 3 kids.
Up until fairly recently, we had what seemed to be a healthy relationship. Last year we celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary and her 30th birthday in Las Vegas - it was brilliant! Just one of our 3 holidays abroad last year. Apart from her marrying me once we have also renewed our vows twice in recent years - the last at the wedding pavilion in Disney World in 2006.
Everything seemed fine, then about 2-3 months ago, my wife created a facebook account, at the behest of one of her friends. At that point i experienced a feeling of dread, a gut instinct that i would rue that very day for the rest of my life...
From that point on, things changed. My wife's personality altered. She became drawn in to the social networking scene. Every spare moment she had was spent on facebook. Needless to say, her profile attracted plenty of attention - in particular from old school friends.
There were plenty of men asking to be her friend, and how she loved that! Some of these men were one's she used to have a crush on at school, but never gave her the time of day back then.
As soon as my wife posted recent photos of herself ( well, in fact it was her friend who posted them for her) the floodgates opened. All these old friends have made my wife the centre of attention. All these old male friends are sending my wife 'crush messages' and so on. Of course, she is lapping it all up.
I put to my wife about a month ago that perhaps she was becoming too involved with this site. She dismissed my concerns - told me not to be silly - that it was all harmless and innocent. Thereafter she became less interested in me, culminating in her revelation two weeks ago that she didn't love me anymore. She no longer found me sexually attractive and she no longer wanted to be with me. She say's that she has been feeling this way for at least a couple of years - but i don't completely buy that. We'd made too many plans together, the things that we'd set ourselves this year she had arranged with positive enthusiasm - how things change!
I understand that perhaps there were underlying issues that drove her to facebook in the first place, but i can't help feeling that it merely 'pushed her over the edge'.
Gutted and angry!
0
Comments
Facebook would not have been the cause of your breakup - but certainly may have been a catalyst. She must have been unhappy before Facebook for whatever the reason happened to be.
While I am not indicating that this is how you behaved in any way, so many married men regard marriage as the 'end' of the journey whereas it is the start of a 'new' journey together, which involves maintaining respect for the partner, continuing to romance her, and not take her for granted etc. If she had any unhappiness in her life, getting in touch with old friends would have reawakened the times when she was younger and more carefree.
If I were you, I'd take a long, hard look at oneself and give yourself an honest appraisal on how you have performed as a husband, friend and lover to your wife, to identify anything in your life that could be changed to entice her back.
Good luck.
At first, i suggested that she might be a little stressed and perhaps needed to see a Doctor. She replied that i was just getting my hopes up - clutching at straws - and i needed to accept things for what they were.
I do not want my marriage to end, but i fear that my wife has her mind made up.
I countered that i must surely be to blame in some capacity. I have told her i am willing to do whatever it takes to save the marriage - absolutely anything she wants me to do - but she remains adamant that the end is nigh, though she is desparate to stay good friends.
If you do separate as long as you have equal rights to the children dont have a bitter custody battle it wil affect the kids just be there +love them 3 beautiful children
Your telling me its familiar all right.
The best bet is to look back on yourself and see what you did wrong..:)
You could play with this in such a way that she will begin to feel really bad and start to have doubts about her choices but all in all if she's going to leave, she will. You've just got to put up a sensible and logical explanation that will help her to change her mind.
Joking aside - part of me is already looking to the future, making plans etc. At the end of it all, i'll come out of this better, for i will enjoy the best of both worlds. The freedom of my own space, the chance to try out new stuff, plus regular access with the kids. The fact is, my wife needs me to take care of the kids whilst she's at work so i'll see them most days.
Perhaps it may be the best thing in the long run, though feelings are still raw.
Best of luck with things, you sound like you're dealing with it well and you're probably right in trying to focus on the kids and their needs and making sure they're happy.
I told her the other day that hearing her say the words "I love you" would be like winning the lottery right now. There is nothing I haven't suggested to her, but she is still unmoved. It's her cold reaction that makes it a bitter pill to swallow. She says that she is hurting inside, but I see little evidence of that. I'm not happy about it and I will still choose to be married above all else. But if she doesn't want me then what the hell can I do?
Just to set the record straight, i'll be the one to move out - when i can afford a place of my own. At the moment we're still living together. And just in case anyone thinks there is another fella involved - she poured scorn on that idea as well. Normally i wouldn't ask her to "swear on the kid's lives" for anything, but i did on this occasion. So she did, and she completely denied having any involvement whatsoever with any other man, nor has she "got her eye on someone" as i also suggested.
Mate, you could take an evil fucked up approach of getting your wife back, or at least making her think twice about it all....... The key is to push her into it. Tell her your happy that she does that and you can't wait to go off and drink with the lads or meet up with some bird for fun, because YOU have been bored with the relationship - easy way to fuck up there mindset is to say you are happy with whatever outcome - Once you show you don't care, what power do they have?
Don't sit idly by while she goes off and becomes a slut. Sometime, some women are just as stupid as us blokes, they will think about themselves only etc and it's not until they have to deal with your actions that they realise that you're not powerless in this affair. If you make it clear to her that you will go off and have your own fun and wont be waiting for her, she'll at least think twice. Cos some lover is fun but birds are smart enough to know they don't hold any long term future until they have 'talked' the lover around. She needs time to work on Mr Love, don't give her the time. Pull the carpet from under her feet and show her you can be happy by yourself - the look on her face will be priceless! - And even if she won Mr Lover over, he wont be like you. She'll have to nag him into submission which is always dangerous because he has no reason to tolerate it.
I think people assume that just because someone said they loved them that they can go off and be complete cunts and that person will still be waiting for them. You gotta send clear message that you wont be waiting for this bitch should her 'fun' slutty lifestyle turn from being short lived dream into nightmare. Don't allow your wife to treat you like a mug.
I personally think your wife will see the error of her ways in few weeks - months. It'll be short lived fling, in mean time if I were you, I'd get down the gym and work out, flirt and go out with as many female friends and just have fun. I hope things work out the way you want, although they hardly ever do in life - so please have back up plan.
Don't, whatever you do, agree to be friends with this woman yet. Take away anything you can for now, after all she is fucking your life up, fight fire with fire! Don't make her life easier than it needs to be.
:wave: