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is this strange?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi,
I've recently split up with my boyfriend of 5 years. We currently share a flat together until we both move out in 2 weeks time. However he is working away at the moment so has not been staying here for most of the time since we broke up.
The break up was as amicable as it could have been...we both came to the realisation that although we loved each other our lives were pulling us in two different directions. Immediately after we'd made the decision I felt this huge sense of relief and I know deep down it is the right thing. However since then we have more or less still been acting like we're still together in some ways. The odd night when he's been hear we've just acted like ourselves and although we've talked openly about the fact we've broken up, etc, we've still done thigns like cuddle in bed and the like. Since he's been away working he's been texting me and stuff, which I'm fine with....but he's been telling me things like that he misses me and loves me and stuff, which is obviously nice but at the same time it worries me because I worry that when we actually move out and go our separate directions (he's moving to another town, i'm going into a houseshare), its going to be even harder to 'cut the cord' so to speak, and that the boundaries will continue to be fuzzy....either that or some harsh words will have to be had (ie cruel to be kind).
I don't know if anyone else has had any experience like this, I think its down to the fact that we have been togetehr for so long, still get on, and still rely on each other in many ways....not because either of us think splitting up is the wrong decision.
Any thoughts/advice?
I've recently split up with my boyfriend of 5 years. We currently share a flat together until we both move out in 2 weeks time. However he is working away at the moment so has not been staying here for most of the time since we broke up.
The break up was as amicable as it could have been...we both came to the realisation that although we loved each other our lives were pulling us in two different directions. Immediately after we'd made the decision I felt this huge sense of relief and I know deep down it is the right thing. However since then we have more or less still been acting like we're still together in some ways. The odd night when he's been hear we've just acted like ourselves and although we've talked openly about the fact we've broken up, etc, we've still done thigns like cuddle in bed and the like. Since he's been away working he's been texting me and stuff, which I'm fine with....but he's been telling me things like that he misses me and loves me and stuff, which is obviously nice but at the same time it worries me because I worry that when we actually move out and go our separate directions (he's moving to another town, i'm going into a houseshare), its going to be even harder to 'cut the cord' so to speak, and that the boundaries will continue to be fuzzy....either that or some harsh words will have to be had (ie cruel to be kind).
I don't know if anyone else has had any experience like this, I think its down to the fact that we have been togetehr for so long, still get on, and still rely on each other in many ways....not because either of us think splitting up is the wrong decision.
Any thoughts/advice?
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Comments
The next two weeks are bound to a be a bit messy with left over feelings and all that stuff going on.
I think on one hand if you feel he's only going to prolong things by texting you stuff like that then you might be better saying you think it'd be better if he calmed down a bit - might make it a bit awkward when he gets back though.
But if you know that in a couple of week you'll be apart anyway then it might be just aswell going with the flow and having cuddles and stuff when he gets back, kinda spending all the time you can together before you have to go your own ways, y'know? Could save a potentially really awkward atmosphere too.
To answer the title of your thread - no it's not strange at all. When you still really care about someone it can feel impossible to untangle yourself from their lives, but it sounds like you're thinking realistically and rationally about this and have every chance of a more fulfilling future.
You may well feel like you've broken up all over again when you actually move on from living together, so be sure to have people who really love you and will be there for you. And don't forget to look after yourself.
Often in these cases when you know it's the best thing, but it still hurts, there may be some harsh words thrown back and forth - but because you're parting on equal terms the chances are you can avoid any real nastiness as long as you're totally honest about your feelings.
Take care and keep posting as people will be happy to offer more thoughts and support as your situation changes.