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Commitment issues/Am I pushing him away?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi All,
I am hoping someone may be able to offer me some advice, I have spoken to family and friends but would like an outsiders opinion on my relationship issues.....So here goes...
I have been with my boyfriend for just over six years now, he is 27 I am 26. We both live around an hours drive away from each other and work in our respective towns. We only really see each other at weekends or when either of us have some time off during the week. In my opinion we have a very fulfilling relationship in the sense that we do a lot in what time we spend together, we go to gigs, festivals, go on holiday, see friends, go out drinking/clubbing and we also spend time with each others families. We are the best of friends and I still fancy my boyfriend and he makes me laugh. The short of it is I love him with all my heart. However, we seem to have one sticking point which is he is not sure he is ready to take our relationship to the next level i.e move in together...
Around a year ago we had a problem. He started to look at other girls. We went out with friends on the same night in seperate girls and boys groups and ended up in the same place. I saw him chatting up another girl who I later found out he had been texting. After some discussion he admitted he fancied her. He swears nothing happened and I do believe him, I don't think he would lie to me. However this opened a can of worms, he said he was worried about our relationship as I was the only person he had slept with and that he wondered if he had perhaps missed out on a phase of his life that most lads go through...in short sleeping around!! lol. Anyway, we seemed to work things out and the texting other girls stopped and our relationship got back on track, so much to the point where WE decided that I should get another job in his town and move in with him. So this I did and in March this year I was offered a job, although I am still waiting for a start date. Everything was great he seemed excited and couldn't wait for the date when we could be together properly.
A couple of weeks ago I noticed he was becoming distant so I asked what was wrong. He initally said nothing but I kept on until he told me he was scared about me moving in and didn't know if he was ready to settle down. This has confused me now. We have both discussed our worries and we both know we love each other very much but I have said that I can't wait around forever and if he is not ready for the next step then I would need to think about what I want to do.
Am I wrong to put this pressure on him? It's just I know that I want to move in together and have a life with him. I am fed up of travelling to and from his I feel as if I have a part time boyfriend.
I know it is a bit long winded but it is really eating me up inside. I don't want to lose him but if he is not ready now will he ever be?
Thanks for reading and I look forward to hopefully hearing your opinions.
:nervous:
I am hoping someone may be able to offer me some advice, I have spoken to family and friends but would like an outsiders opinion on my relationship issues.....So here goes...
I have been with my boyfriend for just over six years now, he is 27 I am 26. We both live around an hours drive away from each other and work in our respective towns. We only really see each other at weekends or when either of us have some time off during the week. In my opinion we have a very fulfilling relationship in the sense that we do a lot in what time we spend together, we go to gigs, festivals, go on holiday, see friends, go out drinking/clubbing and we also spend time with each others families. We are the best of friends and I still fancy my boyfriend and he makes me laugh. The short of it is I love him with all my heart. However, we seem to have one sticking point which is he is not sure he is ready to take our relationship to the next level i.e move in together...
Around a year ago we had a problem. He started to look at other girls. We went out with friends on the same night in seperate girls and boys groups and ended up in the same place. I saw him chatting up another girl who I later found out he had been texting. After some discussion he admitted he fancied her. He swears nothing happened and I do believe him, I don't think he would lie to me. However this opened a can of worms, he said he was worried about our relationship as I was the only person he had slept with and that he wondered if he had perhaps missed out on a phase of his life that most lads go through...in short sleeping around!! lol. Anyway, we seemed to work things out and the texting other girls stopped and our relationship got back on track, so much to the point where WE decided that I should get another job in his town and move in with him. So this I did and in March this year I was offered a job, although I am still waiting for a start date. Everything was great he seemed excited and couldn't wait for the date when we could be together properly.
A couple of weeks ago I noticed he was becoming distant so I asked what was wrong. He initally said nothing but I kept on until he told me he was scared about me moving in and didn't know if he was ready to settle down. This has confused me now. We have both discussed our worries and we both know we love each other very much but I have said that I can't wait around forever and if he is not ready for the next step then I would need to think about what I want to do.
Am I wrong to put this pressure on him? It's just I know that I want to move in together and have a life with him. I am fed up of travelling to and from his I feel as if I have a part time boyfriend.
I know it is a bit long winded but it is really eating me up inside. I don't want to lose him but if he is not ready now will he ever be?
Thanks for reading and I look forward to hopefully hearing your opinions.
:nervous:
0
Comments
Situations like these are tough and noone can really answer the question you are asking except your boyfriend. It seems that you both need to sit down and talk about what needs to be addressed- perhaps he needs a little more time? perhaps he feels he will never be able to commit? perhaps he is confused himself and simply wants reassurance that everything will work out?
Communicating as a couple is very important and therefore I suggest you two talk before you let yourself feel so sad and anxious about the situation.
Good luck
We have talked about it quite a lot over the last few weeks. He says he needs more time to think. He says he is scared if I make the move and move away from my home to be with him if it all goes wrong I will be stuck. I said you can't live your life being scared of the what ifs! I did try to reason with him and then he says I was changing his mind and he needs to make his own decision.
He also says he knows he has taken me for granted as I am giving a lot up to be with him but perhaps that he needs some time to realise this. I don't a break, I think this is just another way of finding out if we can live without each other.
He says he loves me so much and I'm the best thing in his life and he thinks of me as being in his life long-term. So what is his problem. I really don't want to give him ultimatums, I'm sure that is the last thing he needs right now but I am losing the will rapidly! AAAARRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Like you say 6 years is quite a long time!
... and 6 years isn't being in his life Long Term?! Sounds like he is not keen on this at all and is making excuses.
Anyway that's me - is there any update on your status?
Thanks for sharing...it's comforting to know I'm not the first person to be in this type of situation!