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New relationship and shitting myself
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello, this is very long, so feel free to skip to the real question at the bottom.
So basically I started seeing this girl about 6 weeks ago. Normally I am terrible when I first meet girls - especially in nightclubs. I am too shy to talk to them, and normally they wouldn't take a second glance at me because I look very feminine. But I don't know what was different, because I saw this girl across the room and I just wanted to know her.
It's strange because the first date was pretty terrible, really awkward - neither of us could think of anything to say, we were both so terribly nervous, and with two people trying to communicate in Spanish, when my native language is English and hers is French was always going to be difficult, especially when I only started learing it 6 months ago.
So at first, it really seemed like there was only a physical attraction that kept us together, that and the fact that we found we could actually say 'there are a million things I want to say to you, but you make me too nervous to talk, and in this language I can't express them in the way I want too'. And literally it was still like that up until 2 weeks ago, when I started feeling more comfortable in the language and there stopped being moments when I didn't have a clue of what she was saying. But we are such different people, but meet in the middle somewhere, where I see what a wonderful, glowing person she is and just want to be around her.
So anyhoo, we are very much together, sleeping over at each other's houses probably 5 nights out of every 7 since the second or third week of our relationship. This sounds pretty intense - it is for me because normally I wouldn't consider spending time with someone i liked more than 2/3 days of the week. But literally the connection we had when we met is just developing so rapidly, it's like I have to know EVERYTHING about her. I should also point out that for a heterosexual relationship, this seems a bit much, but I have always found that girls like to live in each other's pockets. It's like there aren't so many rules; a no holds barred kind of thing. Like I will have seen her in the morning, and then want to see her again so meet her for lunch, but then there seems absolutely no reason why we shouldn't be together in the evening too.
So after spending the last 4 years spent drifting along having very loose casual things, this is incredibly intense for me. I mean we are already booking a holiday to Marseille to visit her sister next month. My last relationship, I dont think the guy even knew that my parents were divorced, let alone having met them.
The other thing is that our relationship kind of has a best before date. I return to scotland to finish my degree in september, and she eventually wants to return to France. I know it's a long way off, and we have been together so little time, but neither of us want to be in something that has and end in sight, but at the same time have no idea what we will be doing in 6 months time, let alone which countries we will be living in. We have talked about this a bit - she is quite doubtful about where this is going, but neither of us can bear to break it off for the sake of it when we are so wonderfully happy together. I myself am trying not to think about it, but it never really helps to have your head in the sand.
Yep so I think I am falling for her, but not sure how I feel about this - normally I keep very close guard of my feelings, but with her that seems almost impossible. It's almost as if I don't know myself anymore, can't understand all these impulses.
So I wanted to ask, how long was it before you fell in love? 2 weeks? 2 months? 2 years?
And if anyone could give any other advice, or has been in the same situation, that would be great.
xx
So basically I started seeing this girl about 6 weeks ago. Normally I am terrible when I first meet girls - especially in nightclubs. I am too shy to talk to them, and normally they wouldn't take a second glance at me because I look very feminine. But I don't know what was different, because I saw this girl across the room and I just wanted to know her.
It's strange because the first date was pretty terrible, really awkward - neither of us could think of anything to say, we were both so terribly nervous, and with two people trying to communicate in Spanish, when my native language is English and hers is French was always going to be difficult, especially when I only started learing it 6 months ago.
So at first, it really seemed like there was only a physical attraction that kept us together, that and the fact that we found we could actually say 'there are a million things I want to say to you, but you make me too nervous to talk, and in this language I can't express them in the way I want too'. And literally it was still like that up until 2 weeks ago, when I started feeling more comfortable in the language and there stopped being moments when I didn't have a clue of what she was saying. But we are such different people, but meet in the middle somewhere, where I see what a wonderful, glowing person she is and just want to be around her.
So anyhoo, we are very much together, sleeping over at each other's houses probably 5 nights out of every 7 since the second or third week of our relationship. This sounds pretty intense - it is for me because normally I wouldn't consider spending time with someone i liked more than 2/3 days of the week. But literally the connection we had when we met is just developing so rapidly, it's like I have to know EVERYTHING about her. I should also point out that for a heterosexual relationship, this seems a bit much, but I have always found that girls like to live in each other's pockets. It's like there aren't so many rules; a no holds barred kind of thing. Like I will have seen her in the morning, and then want to see her again so meet her for lunch, but then there seems absolutely no reason why we shouldn't be together in the evening too.
So after spending the last 4 years spent drifting along having very loose casual things, this is incredibly intense for me. I mean we are already booking a holiday to Marseille to visit her sister next month. My last relationship, I dont think the guy even knew that my parents were divorced, let alone having met them.
The other thing is that our relationship kind of has a best before date. I return to scotland to finish my degree in september, and she eventually wants to return to France. I know it's a long way off, and we have been together so little time, but neither of us want to be in something that has and end in sight, but at the same time have no idea what we will be doing in 6 months time, let alone which countries we will be living in. We have talked about this a bit - she is quite doubtful about where this is going, but neither of us can bear to break it off for the sake of it when we are so wonderfully happy together. I myself am trying not to think about it, but it never really helps to have your head in the sand.
Yep so I think I am falling for her, but not sure how I feel about this - normally I keep very close guard of my feelings, but with her that seems almost impossible. It's almost as if I don't know myself anymore, can't understand all these impulses.
So I wanted to ask, how long was it before you fell in love? 2 weeks? 2 months? 2 years?
And if anyone could give any other advice, or has been in the same situation, that would be great.
xx
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Comments
Me and my boyfriend met a couple of months or so before he graduated, when I was still in the first year of a four year course. We had that little time before he was due to leave Bristol that I don't think we we really had time to think what was going to happen afterwards, although it was probably also a question we avoided until practically the last time I saw him before he left for London. I asked him what was going to happen to us and he just said something like 'it's going to be complicated' which I took to mean he wasn't interested in carrying on, but then he was still kissy and touchy feely as we walked together to get my bus home, so basically I was left with a whole bunch of mixed messages and wrote him a letter when I got home, asking him again outright what he wanted, as I thought it would be stupid to split without giving the distance a go. He then rang me and we decided that we should see how it went as a LDR - and it worked! Next month we'll have been together 8 years (three years of which being as a LDR)...
So on that front I think I'd say make sure you work out with your girlfriend what's going to happen after you go your separate ways a long time before it happens - or you'll just have the uncertainty of the future hanging round you like a bad smell, and there's enough uncertainty just in doing a LDR, let alone not knowing if it's actually going to happen. Of course, another thing you'll need to ask yourselves is what are the chances of you living in the same country (and preferably town!) again? You probably don't really know yet, but whilst there's even the smallest chance of it happening, you should give the LDR a go. When I was 18 I didn't have a clue about what I was going to do on graduation; 3 years was forever, but lo and behold, immediately after my finals I scarpered up to London and moved in with my boyfriend, so the gamble was definitely worth it.
As for the love thing, I think we'd been together about 6 months before the l-word was mentioned; we probably both felt it a while before though. With a phenomenon as hard to pin down as love it's different for everyone.....