If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
Huge Vent
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I've suffered from depression for as long as I can remember and I've been on several AD's on and off since I was 17 (I'm 20 now) and I'm still struggling. Prozac worked for a few months then stopped working but the doctors wouldn't change them for anything else, and therapy didn't do a single thing, although the psychiatrist gave me about a weeks worth of a different AD. The only reason I got new AD's was after I was admitted to hospital after trying to kill myself.
I have an amazing partner who is as supportive as he can be, and great friends but I can't burden them with how I constantly feel, hence why I'm on here.
I've been unemployed for over a year now and can't find a job. I'm on benefits but can't afford bills and etc, the only reason I manage is because my nan died two years ago and left me an inheritance but she'd go mad if she knew I was wasting it on food and electric and similar.
I have periods of totally hyperactivity when I'm bouncing off the walls and then I'll be suddenly crying my eyes out for no reason. I get so wound up about tiny things, like if my partner buys the wrong sauce for dinner. (I don't live with him yet, but would like to in a few months, as long as I can get a job by then) I'll go insane at him and pick fights over nothing and it's not fair on him or me.
I have days where I just can't leave the house by myself; if I'm with someone I'm okay, or if someone comes to pick me up, but otherwise I start hyperventilating until I accept that I'm not going out. I quit college twice because of this.
I feel so helpless sometimes and it's all I can do to stop myself reaching for my old friends, the knives and just hacking away like I used to to stop the tears. I haven't self harmed for a few months now but I feel like I might again soon cos everything feels... I don't know, pointless? It's like there's no reason for me to be here, but I can't end it all cos it's not fair on my friends and family so I'm pretty much stuck here. I just wanna feel normal for once.
I'm not sure why I'm writing this all to complete strangers on a website I found through google but I guess I just need to vent.
Ah well.
I have an amazing partner who is as supportive as he can be, and great friends but I can't burden them with how I constantly feel, hence why I'm on here.
I've been unemployed for over a year now and can't find a job. I'm on benefits but can't afford bills and etc, the only reason I manage is because my nan died two years ago and left me an inheritance but she'd go mad if she knew I was wasting it on food and electric and similar.
I have periods of totally hyperactivity when I'm bouncing off the walls and then I'll be suddenly crying my eyes out for no reason. I get so wound up about tiny things, like if my partner buys the wrong sauce for dinner. (I don't live with him yet, but would like to in a few months, as long as I can get a job by then) I'll go insane at him and pick fights over nothing and it's not fair on him or me.
I have days where I just can't leave the house by myself; if I'm with someone I'm okay, or if someone comes to pick me up, but otherwise I start hyperventilating until I accept that I'm not going out. I quit college twice because of this.
I feel so helpless sometimes and it's all I can do to stop myself reaching for my old friends, the knives and just hacking away like I used to to stop the tears. I haven't self harmed for a few months now but I feel like I might again soon cos everything feels... I don't know, pointless? It's like there's no reason for me to be here, but I can't end it all cos it's not fair on my friends and family so I'm pretty much stuck here. I just wanna feel normal for once.
I'm not sure why I'm writing this all to complete strangers on a website I found through google but I guess I just need to vent.
Ah well.
0
Comments
First of all - welcome to Thesite, it's great that you have come here to vent, that's what we are here for. You will find some great people on here who can offer advice and support. We're all a friendly bunch!
It sound's like you're having a tough time at the moment with feeling "helpless" and like a "burden" to your loved ones. You said you feel "there's no reason for me to be here". Try to keep strong and remember that you have people who love you dearly. Well done for not having self harmed for a few months and for managing the temptation to do so during this tough time, you may find it helpful to try some other techniques or methods in place of self-harming as suggested on Thesite information pages?
Thesite have a whole load of other information sheets / pages that you may find useful to have a look at? These may help you identify what kind of support you want and need and also to explore a bit more about what is happening for you at the moment?
Self Harm
Depression
Depression Treatments & Therapies
Work and Study
Money matters
You may also find it helpful to speak to someone confidentially at Samaritans (8457 90 90 90) or Supportline (020 8554 9004)? It can often help to verbalise what you are feeling and may help you to feel less like you are burdening your partner, family and friends? Although, I am sure that they are all happy to continue to support and listen to you as it sound's like to have a loving support network. If you are worried about it though - perhaps you could tell them how you feel?
It might also be a good idea to speak to your GP again about the symptoms and the inconsistency of your moods that you have described? They may be able to suggest something or refer you?
Please keep posting and let us know how you get on, or just to keep venting.
Take care
Note: after ages of trying, I can't get onto the 'Health & Wellbeing' section of the site to provide you with a link to the fact sheets on self-harm, depression and treatments. But, if you go onto it yourself and follow the captions on the front page you should find all the information there. Any questions - just ask. :thumb: