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The meaning of virginity & first sexual experiences
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi folks - We've had a request to run a discussion in this section for a dissertation. It seemed like an interesting topic so we thought we'd post it here. Feel free to contribute if you'd like...
THE MEANING OF VIRGINITY & FIRST SEXUAL EXPERIENCES
Hi everybody. I'm Nige, a Psychology student in my 3rd and final year studying at the University of Teesside in England.
As part of my course I am required to carry out a dissertation project. After much deliberating I decided to research into the area of virginity and first sexual experience.
My next step was working out how I would go about discussing the topic area. I decided to find a well used and trusted website for teenagers where users would feel comfortable talking about sensitive issues.
I think I've found the perfect place; TheSite.org has a great discussion board where you?re all friendly and keen to discuss all sorts of interesting ideas.
Everything is above board. The kind people at TheSite.org have given me permission to use their website and I've also been ethically approved by the British Psychological Society.
To participate, all you have to do is just post what you think and feel about the topic and discuss, just like any other thread on this website.
I've listed a few pointers below, however it really is up to you what you talk about in relation to virginity and first sexual experience.
- The meaning of virginity
- Importance of first sexual experience
- Family / friends opinions & beliefs
- Personal beliefs
- Experiences you'd like to share
Please remember that I won?t be able to respond to any questions aimed at me as I cannot include myself in my own research.
If you're ok with everything so far and you'd like to take part in this thread please take time to read a few details below as it's important that you understand these.
Consent to participate in research:
- Your participation is entirely voluntary. You do not have to take part.
- Under no circumstances will your real names or identifying information be included in the reporting of this research.
- If you decide you do not want your comments used in this research you have the right to withdraw from the study. If you want to withdraw please email me before 31st February 2009.
- It is important to recognise that this research is performed on a public website and can be accessed by anyone.
- Your posts could possibly be used in publications as a result of this research. However, you will remain anonymous.
- This research has been approved by the BPS (British Psychological Society) ethics committee.
In agreeing to the terms listed above, participants should be aware that the data is only for use in this current research project,
Copies will not be available for any other purpose or use in any other forum.
By participating in this thread you are confirming permission for your posts to be used in my research.
If taking part in this research has raised any concerns or worries about this topic then I have listed a number of places below where you can seek help and advice.
www.thesite.org
www.fpa.org.uk - Family planning clinic
www.brook.org.uk - Brook
www.likeitis.org - Part of Marie Stopes
NHS Direct: 0845 4647
Samaritans: 08457 909090 (urgent help)
If you have any questions about the study please contact me:
Nigel Collins
Email - F6056834@tees.ac.uk
Or my supervisor:
Dr. Sue Becker
School of Social Sciences & Law
University of Teesside
Borough road
Middlesbrough
TS1 3BA
Email - s.becker@tees.ac.uk
If any participants would like to see the research, or a summary of, once it is completed then you are welcome to email me requesting a copy.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings.
THE MEANING OF VIRGINITY & FIRST SEXUAL EXPERIENCES
Hi everybody. I'm Nige, a Psychology student in my 3rd and final year studying at the University of Teesside in England.
As part of my course I am required to carry out a dissertation project. After much deliberating I decided to research into the area of virginity and first sexual experience.
My next step was working out how I would go about discussing the topic area. I decided to find a well used and trusted website for teenagers where users would feel comfortable talking about sensitive issues.
I think I've found the perfect place; TheSite.org has a great discussion board where you?re all friendly and keen to discuss all sorts of interesting ideas.
Everything is above board. The kind people at TheSite.org have given me permission to use their website and I've also been ethically approved by the British Psychological Society.
To participate, all you have to do is just post what you think and feel about the topic and discuss, just like any other thread on this website.
I've listed a few pointers below, however it really is up to you what you talk about in relation to virginity and first sexual experience.
- The meaning of virginity
- Importance of first sexual experience
- Family / friends opinions & beliefs
- Personal beliefs
- Experiences you'd like to share
Please remember that I won?t be able to respond to any questions aimed at me as I cannot include myself in my own research.
If you're ok with everything so far and you'd like to take part in this thread please take time to read a few details below as it's important that you understand these.
Consent to participate in research:
- Your participation is entirely voluntary. You do not have to take part.
- Under no circumstances will your real names or identifying information be included in the reporting of this research.
- If you decide you do not want your comments used in this research you have the right to withdraw from the study. If you want to withdraw please email me before 31st February 2009.
- It is important to recognise that this research is performed on a public website and can be accessed by anyone.
- Your posts could possibly be used in publications as a result of this research. However, you will remain anonymous.
- This research has been approved by the BPS (British Psychological Society) ethics committee.
In agreeing to the terms listed above, participants should be aware that the data is only for use in this current research project,
Copies will not be available for any other purpose or use in any other forum.
By participating in this thread you are confirming permission for your posts to be used in my research.
If taking part in this research has raised any concerns or worries about this topic then I have listed a number of places below where you can seek help and advice.
www.thesite.org
www.fpa.org.uk - Family planning clinic
www.brook.org.uk - Brook
www.likeitis.org - Part of Marie Stopes
NHS Direct: 0845 4647
Samaritans: 08457 909090 (urgent help)
If you have any questions about the study please contact me:
Nigel Collins
Email - F6056834@tees.ac.uk
Or my supervisor:
Dr. Sue Becker
School of Social Sciences & Law
University of Teesside
Borough road
Middlesbrough
TS1 3BA
Email - s.becker@tees.ac.uk
If any participants would like to see the research, or a summary of, once it is completed then you are welcome to email me requesting a copy.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings.
0
Comments
How many other University of Teesides are there then??
I'll participate, I'll put something together in great detail and post back later
My virginity, however, is a different matter. At 21 I've only slept with one guy, because I'm so freaking fussy. I have had lord knows how many offers and opportunities to sleep with lord knows how many men BUT since I'm just an idealist and a romantic, I had to wait til I found the hottest, most caring, most charming man I could possibly find. My boyfriend. For me he is the epitome of everything I wanted, so I granted him access (that sounds horrible, sorry).
My body isn't just something that I can give to anyone. It has to be someone that I actually like, that I have something in common with, and that I find sexually attractive.
Personally, I remember fondly my first time, in the same way you remember your first kiss, or first girlfriend - I didn't see any of those moments as particular milestones in my life either, just all fond memories.
From some experiences experimenting I've come to believe that for me (and I would certainly not force my beliefs on others) sex is important and special, and I personally require that emotional trust to be there before I'm happy to do that. When I lost my virginity, it definately was, so that was a very positive experience - but if the trust is not there it can become a very negative experience to the point where I've been emotionally upset.
before the first experience of sexual intercourse
- Importance of first sexual experience
not as important as the best or worst or most inovative and daring, unless it was the best or worst.
- Family / friends opinions & beliefs
Linked to their christianity, most of my family believe sex should be only between a man and a woman after they are married. My friends have more similar beliefs to mine, that sex is something to be enjoyed, to help you relax, to solidify a relationship.
- Personal beliefs
Sex is primal urge, fullfilling the desire is like eating and sleeping- neccessary for healthy happy survival. Sex should be with who you want, when you want it, but only when you both want not only the sex but have the same expectations as to what it means in terms of the relationship with the person you're having it with.
- Experiences you'd like to share
maybe later...
Simply the "period" of time before first-time proper sex
- Importance of first sexual experience
At the time it wasn't all that important and even now I don't feel like it is that important but it doesn't stop me thinking ah well I shouldn't have done it with whats-his-name. It wasnt the timing it was more of ah he was a bastard but I didn't realise it but ah well, move on, never mind as people often do feel about ex's. The importance of first sexual experience, in my opinion is minimal.
- Family / friends opinions & beliefs
Friends are all pretty laid back bar a couple, most are in relationships of sort of six months or so. Some of them before were quite promiscous while others were not at all. We all believe it is purely for fun and enjoyment and really is no biggie. Familywise, they are all old and boring :razz: and it is very much a taboo within my family.
- Personal beliefs
It is purely for fun and enjoyment, either in or out of a relationship. I do not believe in sex only after marraige or even sex only whilst in a relationship. I believe sex should be fun and if at the end of it you think to yourself "that was good" then great. That's what it's for in my opinion. Perhaps a bit laid back and look where that's landed but hey up, sex is just sex. I think that mabye my personal beliefs may change when I meet someone special, because I don't think I have as yet met someone who's made me go "oh god" he is the one. I haven't experienced that "intimacy" during sex, sex has always just been sex but I'm sure in the future there will be some hunky kind thoughful and just generally amazing man to change my opinion on that front!
- Experiences you'd like to share
Get out
Oh.
Wiktionary has this to say on what a virgin is: A person who has never had sexual intercourse, or sometimes, one who has never engaged in any sexual activity at all.
This definition can stretch to opposite and same sex couples. Perhaps the proper definition can be the period before you went as far as you could with your partner.
- Importance of first sexual experience
As the years have past, and I have still not found a partner, I'm feeling that my virginity is an important part of me and who I am. So if I am to lose it to someone, it won't be to just anyone.
- Family / friends opinions & beliefs
Many people know (and many more probably suspect) that I am a virgin. No one seems to look down on me for it which, at 24, I would think some would. It's not something I tell the world about, but if someone were to ask me about my experience, I would not lie. I'm pure and proud.
- Personal beliefs
The primary function of sex is to reproduce. It feels good, so we are ecouraged to do it. It is this good feeling, I believe, which causes people to have sex purely for their own enjoyment. In doing this, they reduce the act to being little more than 'fun'. If they try to make their partner feel good, this then makes it less of a selfish act and brings it more in line with intimacy. If, like me, you think of it as more than recreation, it then becomes the ultimate sign that you love someone.
- Experiences you'd like to share
Experiences?
The period before you first have sexual intercourse
- Importance of first sexual experience
I always thought it would be a big deal before I actually had it. Then it was a let down...nothing felt like it had changed, just was another experience that I didn't need to wonder about any more. However, whilst circumstances were a little odd, it was with someone I loved and had been going out with for a fair while. Don't think I could just have had sex with anyone at that point.
- Family / friends opinions & beliefs
Parents believe in no sex before marriage, siblings and friends are open minded and realise sex is a natural human instinct and nothing taboo or wrong about sleeping with people.
- Personal beliefs
I've had a range of relationships, one night stands and f*ck buddies, for me sex is fun and something to be experimented with. However, sex in a loving relationship is the most wonderful thing in the world, when you completely trust each other, understand each other's bodies and can melt in the look of love in each others eyes at the same time. In relationships where the love isn't there and with fuck buddies it can be good sex but without the emotion of solidifying the relationship further it doesn't live up to the same standards as with the person you love. As for one nighters - well they're usually crap sex, but if you haven't had it for a while they relieve some frustration!
- Experiences you'd like to share
*shakes head*
I've spoken to guys about my lack of sexual experience, and it's never been a negative thing to them. I've been told it was a 'rareity' and that you "don't often find many 22 year olds who haven't slept around" - I'm respected in my peer group for being true to myself and not giving in to peer pressure.
I won't lie, it's not easy by any means. Some days I just want to scream and other days it's the last thing on my mind. But, I'm confident in my choice to remain a virgin until I've met the right guy, no matter how long it takes.
Importance of first sexual experience-never mattered to me really.Just saw it as another experience to have and enjoy.
Losing my virginity was never an issue to me and never an issue when it happened,cos it just happened.
Family,friends opinions and beliefs-I tried to never listen to any of my families opinions and beliefs about sex as they are all so fucked up about it,so listening to them would cause unneccesary grief and guilt in me too.
I always tried to build my own beliefs and views on things based on my personal experience of it.
Personal beliefs-sex is fun and meant to be enjoyed.Its more natural than anything else humans like to enjoy but has a lot of guilt,frustration and anger built around it in my personal opinion,mainly due to religion and people associating it with being "dirty".
Plus,this double standard of men being "studs" and women being "sluts" is a pile of shite to me.
Experiences to share-sorry,what happens between me and the girl stays between me and the girl.:thumb:
the time before you become sexually aware, and active. often seen as a very sacred time, its a time of growth, of changes (from child to adult), but seems to be upheld as too important often.
- Importance of first sexual experience
my first sexual experiance is important for me, but due to its effect my life after. I view my first sexual experiance as the first time i had an orgasm with a partner.
- Family / friends opinions & beliefs
my mother has a very liberal view on sex, but she does also see its "sacred" possibilities. she also sees it as an intergral part of life, and a need rather than a want.
- Personal beliefs
my views have come about partly from my "faith", and partly from living in a very liberal household growing up. i see it as three things- a way to enjoy yourself, a way to show your love for another (this kinda includes the procreation bit), and a way to reach yours and the others invovled, higher selves...sounds a bit airy fairy, but i think that tantric teaching have a lot of truth, and i'd really like to explore the possiblities...just as soon as i find someone that remotely understands what the fuck i'm on about and doesn't think i'm crazy! I don't believe in that sex should only be with someone you love, or that it should only be within marriage. i think as long as its safe, and you feel right about it, and its reasonably within the law, you should do what you like!
- Experiences you'd like to share
i was a sex addict for a while, and it did nothing for my self esteem, though it was a bit of a means to an end, and it did lead me into an abusive relationship. since then, i've been reasonably picky about my partners, and even though i've decided that having sex outside of a relationship is now off limits for me, i think i've learnt a lot from some pretty crappy experiances.
You have the same attitude as me, and I like that!
I think you're very right to wait for the right guy - someone who's worth it! That's what I did and I have no regrets =]
Some people have said their first sexual experience hasn't really affected their lives whereas some see it as a major turning point. People have also touched on age and virginity, does it matter how old you are?
What did / does being a virgin mean to you?
Let's keep the thread alive!
I know that there's this whole thing with some people who feel under pressure, but I wouldn't care whether someone was 18 and a virgin or 40 and a virgin: I wouldn't batter an eyelid, but I guess that's just me. I wouldn't think it made a person 'frigid' or 'boring'. It'd just be like 'oh, okay, cool'
Virginity to me is a hard one: when I was a virgin, I didn't feel like I was any less of a person and I didn't necessarily feel "pure". It was just an experience i had yet to experience, yet I value other people's virginity. It's hard to explain. I just mean that if I was with a girl who was a virgin, I'd respect that - I wouldn't be like "oh it's nothing to worry about, it's not that big of a deal..." because to some people it is. To some people it's everything. I just wish there wasn't all this unnecessary pressure on people who feel like they HAVE to do something that they really don't want to do. It's ridiculous and I feel that it leads people to make the wrong sorts of decisions which they'll later go on to regret.
I know that that's life, but still, it sucks.
anyway hope this helps
- The meaning of virginity - i think its different for everyone, someone think its special, others just want it over with. i guess it sort of feels like you've grown up once its been taken even if your still young. i think for some people it represents if your 'cool' or not like for some being a virgin means your a loser whilst others think its good if your a virgin cos your harder to get with and new a slag so its kind of odd but people judge you alot for it (sorry if thats kinda off topic...)
- Importance of first sexual experience- i think i was too young and naive when it happened with a boy i thought i really liked with the typical story of hes older and cooler and mature haha but in reality thats all he wanted and after that i never saw him again which made me really sad cos i was young and naive and thought he liked me but i guess it gave me a reality check... even though it took me a while to accept he used me. but luckly i wasnt one of those people who was really into their first time being important that never really occured to me so it was kind of OK
- Family / friends opinions & beliefs- i guess its varied im not sure cause never really asked majorly. My mum thinks its special. 2 of my friends are waiting untill marriage, i think thats mainly due to them being proper Christians. One of my best mates waited 1 1/2 years when she was with her 1st boyfriend & says she has to wait until she is comfortable with someone before anything happens as she not comfortable with how she looks but her 1st time was more due to it being her 1st time & being scared it would hurt etc. & wanting to wait
Personal beliefs
- Experiences you'd like to share
I never really thought much into the hole virgin bit it was just a thing i dono i never said i wanted to wait just see what happens really. i think its wrong though when theres 12 year olds getting pregnant because they've hardly even started their periods.. some even havent and their all ready having sex
I think 15's OK... 14 hmmm i dono kind of wrong but kind of not
i think it depends on the individual and how mature they are really and if they are actually ready or if they just think they are but in reality arent and dont know all about diseases etc. but the important thing is that they need to be mentally ready i think and should do it with someone they trust, not just a one night stand. maybe go out a few months 1st?
Hope that helps
Just letting you know that tomorrow (saturday) will be the last day that you can contribute to this research. After that any new posts will not be used in the study.
Many thanks, Nige.
If you'd like any advice or guidance on the issues raised you can use the services mentioned in my opening post.
Anyone with any queries or concerns you may have about this research can contact me on f6056834@tees.ac.uk.
Thanks again for everyone who contributed towards this research.
Nige.
Something lost after having sex. Sex being vaginal penetration with the penis, anal penetration with the penis in the case of gay men, or... well I'm not really sure how to classify what i consider sex between two women.
~ Importance of first sexual experience
Fairly important. It lays the foundation for future expectations and aspirations.
~ Family / friends opinions & beliefs
The majority believes that sex should be done between consenting adults when they so wish, preferably when in a strong relationship.
~ Personal beliefs
Much like my family. Sex should be between two people who care about each other and have a strong enough relationship to withstand the change it creates. Both parties should be mature enough, both mentally and physically.
~ Experiences you'd like to share
In general, though i am still a virgin, kissing, making out, and groping help me to relax, and create stronger bonds. Masturbation helps me sleep, clear my head, and control my urges during other times.
The period before sexual experience. For me sexual experience is penetrative sex, either with fingers or other things? Though this is debatable.
- Importance of first sexual experience
Im not entirely sure when I had my first sexual experience, or lost my virginity.
Well for sure i had an experience when i was fifteen, and technically that is when my hymen broke. But it was with a woman and there only penetration with fingers involved.
The second was when I was 18, well it was the first time with a guy. It was a one night stand, and it wasnt particularly amazing, but im really glad it happened the way it did, because he was a lovely guy, and cooked me breakfast the next day and wanted a relationship. In the end i decid
ed i would rather stick to girls for a bit, but if i hadn't slept with him then, i think i would have missed out on other fun sexual experiences with men.
The third was also at 18, with my second girlfriend. This felt like losing my real virginity. We went down on each other, and to me oral sex is more intimate than penetrative sex. I have to seriously like someone to put my mouth anywhere near their genitals!
So I guess I dont think that 'virginity' is really that clear cut for me, but i guess for boring old hetero's it might be!
- Family / friends opinions & beliefs
A lot of my lesbian friends are 'gold stars' and have never slept with a boy, but would definitely never consider themselves virgins. For us that have, we talk about straightginity and gayginity. These take on different levels of significance depending on personal ideas of straight and gay sex. For example some friends would say they have had sex even if there has been no penetration at all.
I dont really talk to my family about sex - i think my mum and my brother think it is more 'making love' than sex, and my mum always told me to wait for someone special.
- Experiences you'd like to share
Well I was talking about something interesting with my friends recently. I have a new girlfriend, and have slept over at hers five or six times now. A straight friend of mine asked me if we had 'slept' together, and I really couldn't answer. We have been taking things slow, and so have gone just a little further each time. There hasnt been any penetrative or oral sex yet, but we have explored eachothers bodies completely, and been completely naked together, and we have orgasmed, but does this actually count as sex?
Even im not sure....
And sorry if that was a bit explicit...