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rocks and hard places...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I meet a girl a few months ago on, and before we even spoke, it was lust at first sight for me. Everything about her, and I guess I should say that I’m pretty picky. Mostly I’m not attracted to girls that are attracted to me, and when I am attracted, some small little thing plays on my mind and it stupidly puts me off. It was different with her, which I assume is really the problem. We got on really well as friends, and talked about everything including how she was considering breaking up with her boyfriend, and either go travelling or go back to college.
She was with her Mother, who I got on really well with and actually said to her daughter that she should; “be with someone more like me” afterwards. She loves her boyfriend, and her Mother really likes him too, but there is an age difference and I guess they are in different places and she left college early to move back to be near him a year ago and regrets it now. We got really close over time, and then had to part. She lives about 2 hrs away and we’ve stayed in contact and we planned to meet again but it hasn’t happened despite her saying she will come to visit when works suits. We spoke a little since about her situation and mine with an ex girlfriend who wants to patch things up, but I don’t want to ask her straight out have they broken up, sometimes I think they have, other times I think they haven’t. We kept talking as I thought that over time that image I have of her would fade and I find something small to put me off, but it’s been the opposite. The out of the way stuff she says, her cute styled cynicism, every little thing had made me want to see her again, even as friends just to see where it goes, that’s why the boyfriend thing didn’t bother me. Eventually I’m elation turned to despair as I’m falling for her in a big way...I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t think straight, it hurt me just think back on the time we spent together...because it just hurt that she isn’t here beside me now.
I want her to be happy, even if that means being with her boyfriend so I said I’d just stop talking to her, which worked for a while, but she text me wondering how I was because she hadn’t heard from me in a while, but that was cool because at least I know it hadn’t turned one way as it did cool a bit but that was understandable.
Then tonight, my friend asks me for advice. He has a girlfriend and has met someone else and asked me what should he do...and it just brought everything back again, all the tortured feelings. I’m an easy going guy when it comes to relationships as I’ve been disappointed with my choices before and don’t let it rule my life, and girls usually don’t get me too down, but this has completely f**ked me up as much as I’ve tried not to let it.
Part of me wants to ask her head on, and spill and tell her pretty much what I’m saying here, that I care so much about her and that usually doesn’t happen for me, and I love everything about her and its cutting me up not seeing her because I can’t act on how I feel. The other part of me wants to say nothing, and just bottle it up and stay casual and see where it goes and not ruin it by becoming an emotional wreck which is out of character for me. It might be best in the long run to approach it but I don’t want to lose what we’ve got now, which although very little, it’s still something. I just feel helpless...
I believe in fate and in no way want her to drop everything to be with me, and don’t want to force her hand regarding her boyfriend as its bad karma. I’m just starting to think I’m never going to see her again, and it hurts....and I don’t know what to do. Sorry this is so long, I just needed to get it off my chest, thank you.
She was with her Mother, who I got on really well with and actually said to her daughter that she should; “be with someone more like me” afterwards. She loves her boyfriend, and her Mother really likes him too, but there is an age difference and I guess they are in different places and she left college early to move back to be near him a year ago and regrets it now. We got really close over time, and then had to part. She lives about 2 hrs away and we’ve stayed in contact and we planned to meet again but it hasn’t happened despite her saying she will come to visit when works suits. We spoke a little since about her situation and mine with an ex girlfriend who wants to patch things up, but I don’t want to ask her straight out have they broken up, sometimes I think they have, other times I think they haven’t. We kept talking as I thought that over time that image I have of her would fade and I find something small to put me off, but it’s been the opposite. The out of the way stuff she says, her cute styled cynicism, every little thing had made me want to see her again, even as friends just to see where it goes, that’s why the boyfriend thing didn’t bother me. Eventually I’m elation turned to despair as I’m falling for her in a big way...I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t think straight, it hurt me just think back on the time we spent together...because it just hurt that she isn’t here beside me now.
I want her to be happy, even if that means being with her boyfriend so I said I’d just stop talking to her, which worked for a while, but she text me wondering how I was because she hadn’t heard from me in a while, but that was cool because at least I know it hadn’t turned one way as it did cool a bit but that was understandable.
Then tonight, my friend asks me for advice. He has a girlfriend and has met someone else and asked me what should he do...and it just brought everything back again, all the tortured feelings. I’m an easy going guy when it comes to relationships as I’ve been disappointed with my choices before and don’t let it rule my life, and girls usually don’t get me too down, but this has completely f**ked me up as much as I’ve tried not to let it.
Part of me wants to ask her head on, and spill and tell her pretty much what I’m saying here, that I care so much about her and that usually doesn’t happen for me, and I love everything about her and its cutting me up not seeing her because I can’t act on how I feel. The other part of me wants to say nothing, and just bottle it up and stay casual and see where it goes and not ruin it by becoming an emotional wreck which is out of character for me. It might be best in the long run to approach it but I don’t want to lose what we’ve got now, which although very little, it’s still something. I just feel helpless...
I believe in fate and in no way want her to drop everything to be with me, and don’t want to force her hand regarding her boyfriend as its bad karma. I’m just starting to think I’m never going to see her again, and it hurts....and I don’t know what to do. Sorry this is so long, I just needed to get it off my chest, thank you.
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Comments
From what you've written there seems to be two things going on here - on the one hand you want to stay in touch with this girl regardless of whether or not she gets back together with her ex or not, and are worried you might not see her again.
But, on the other hand, you find it quite hard when she does get in touch because she's a little cold and this must be quite tough considering your feelings for her. Having contradictory feelings towards someone can be hard to deal with, but on the upside it sounds like this girl does have a lot of respect for you and it doesn't sound like she is going to disappear from your life altogether.
At the end of the day, we can't tell you whether or not you should stay in contact with this girl or make a significant break to concentrate on your wider social circle. But, if you are honest with yourself about your feelings then you're bound to come to a solution that suits you and there's no harm in saying to her you just need some time before you can consider being friends.
Sorry for the waffle and I hope this helps. Let us know how you get on.