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Struggling to deal with an 'emotional baggage' girl

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
I wrote it all out, but I thought it was too long, so this top bit is the revised version:

Basically, girl in friendship group who I was friendly towards in a marginally flirty way by paying a compliment to 8 months ago has got a chip on her shoulder with me, and pretends to our friendship group I am pestering her or something.

It's got back to me that she's whining about me behind my back, my friendship circle all agrees its her problem, nothing I've done (they've heard both sides), but this doesn't stop what she's saying and how she acts towards me hurting my feelings.

How should I act towards this girl, what should I do to resolve this feeling of distrust and animosity? I'm not the confrontational type, she has emotional baggage that my friends believe is causing her to act out like this, but that doesn't excuse her being inconsiderate (before I found out, I trusted her like you would trust any friend, I am partly upset by the breach of that trust).

I think she's just doing it to give herself an ego boost and to make a drama about how she's being fancied / chased by guys, but I can't go and speak to her because obviously not the confrontational type. The only way to put it to dust would be to be publicly nasty and make it obvious I am not interested at all and I'm not going to do that. But it's not fair of her to keep going on bitching about me, is it?

Previous version:
In my friendship circle, a girl who used to attend college with us recently got into it and started hanging out with us, it was all good and so on. Anyway, as a group we hung out, it was all nice, then on -one- occasion we went out clubbing and I started talking to her and paid her a compliment to see where the conversation would go, but she didn't bite and I left it at that. This was a long while ago, must have been April last year or something.

Anyway, since then she has had a chip on her shoulder about me. Like I'm a sex pest, or something. And it's not just a discrete thing, it's that kind of thing where she goes to the other girls in our group (who are close friends of mine and 'know' me) and say to keep an eye on me to make sure I don't take advantage or some crap.

Anyway, my friends went along with the gossip but told me and said they didn't like she was saying it, and their opinion (she divulged this info to one of them) is that because she had low self-confidence, she basically went out with any guy that came along, and now has serious issues with men and think they're all the same etc. and the reason she has an issue with me is the rest of the guys in our group are either involved or gay, and especially after that night clubbing, she sees me as a threat.

It wouldn't be an issue in itself, but its the fact she is still raising it today thinking everyones all cool with that - even though she's a bit 'delicate' emotionally one of my friends was very close to laying into her the other week after she invited her to our annual camping trip and she said she would come - as long as she didn't share a tent with me.

How can you gel in a group where you all trust + love each other when one person blatantly has a problem with you, and not only keeps it to themselves but seems to be trying to stir up rubbish with a stick. I should make it clear this clubbing thing was the usual fair - no indecentness, most guys here have started talking to a single girl in that environment and been flirty and basically compliment them (i.e., she says she plays an instrument, you say 'thats really cool') and see if there is any spark there.

It just annoys me because I go to see my friends to chill out and it hurts my feelings knowing this person who I have no problem with is spreading shit about me. Half of me wished my friends had never told me she bitches about me :p, the other half is just frustrated she can't get over her own issues. I've asked everyone (except her, it's a faux pas isnt it when you're 'fake' friendly and confront why they are bitching about you) if I have done ANYTHING wrong and they all say it's completely her problem. :mad:

Absolutely does my tits in when people who judge me and form opinions about me without knowing me. I just keep schtum all this while (I don't even bitch about her to my friends, I just say why the hell does she have a problem with me??) she goes on oblivious to the hurt she's causing to a) my feelings, b) my friends who feel awkward, c) our friendship group as it undermines this 'trust' where before we were really happy just being open and ourselves.

Part of me wonders if she goes on about it so she can pretend 'all the boys' are after her, and it's such a chore to keep having to tell them to back off. I mean, all she ever talks about is how she has two or three different 'potential' boyfriends at uni. An ego trip, if you will.

I suppose I could get drunk and play on her insecurities and make her feel shit. But I am a better man than that (at least, I hope). So I just have to take it :(

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ignore her? :)

    not in a I'm-not-talking-to-you way, just dont go out of your way to talk to her, and generally dont pay her any attention.

    she sounds like a pain in the arse, and unfortunately if she's acting like this - not a great friend.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ignore her mate. Be cool, don't flirt, don't be nasty. Just be totally indifferent and neutral toward her :) .
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have been ignoring her (after the last incident I've removed her of facebook too in a rage lol) and honestly haven't spoken to her for aaggggesss but she still goes on about this crap.

    Also she doesn't get hugs when I say my goodbyes ;) my little ways of getting back at her lol. I think it's because she wasn't with us from the start of our group and doesn't know the stuff we've been through together. When things are crap and your friends come through for you is when you really get a higher bond like family. I guess she doesn't have that so doesn't feel particularly guilty about being a bit bitchy, which really pisses me off.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If all your friends believe you then I'm sure they (and she) will eventually get bored of these silly stories and games.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Shyboy.

    Since your non confrontational I don't even think that matters. I don't think even talking to her about it will solve anything.

    Eventually the other members of the group will get to point where they are just sick of it. She will eventually be told be one of them.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hmmm...if she's been hanging on to that one incident of you paying her a compliment for this long I shouldn't worry. Clearly, as you say, your other friends have picked up that something's going on with her, so I doubt it's given you a rep as a sex pest (except in her head!) I'd say just be careful. It sounds like you have a good heart and make the effort to get on with her (or at least not be nasty to her). However, I have a friend who started acting like this when she was about 14 - making up stories/exaggerating and misinterpreting events to prolong them to get the most attention as possible. It's now 10 years later, and as lovely as she can be when she's settled and adjusted, every few months when I catch up with her there's always some implausible thing that's happened to her (one of which resulted in her changing her name!) I think there comes a point of no return when someone becomes so caught up in fantasy, that they can't even contemplate the suggestion that they may have overeacted over something. I think if her behaviour has been like this for a while, I would be amazed if your other friends have not at some point made subtle hints to this effect. I would say keep on doing as you are, but the moment you feel threatened by her stories (i.e. she steps up the level of your alledged harassment) explain how you feel to your other mates and have no more to do with this girl.
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