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i can't cope with my mum any more!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
i'm so angry.
I looked after my mum for much of my life until i left home when i was 15. She has ME and there are times when shes perfectly fine, and others when she's really not. She's also dyspraxic like me, which means that she's constantly got little injuries that need sorting and she can just generaly be a mess.
She came to stay with me last summer, as i was really ill, and sometimes couldn't get out of the house due to my fits. I also have PTSD, due to stuff that happened in my childhood, and i frequently get flashbacks and stuff.
Over the summer, it was ok, i needed someone around to help me out because sometimes i couldn't do my shopping and a walk to the park was all i could manage before having another fit. She was working most days, and she'd do chores and shopping for me. I knew she was skint, but she hadn't asked for much. But as soon money, when i'd got better and been able to go to uni, she asked if she could borrow money. i let her, and then she gave me a check minus what i had owed her from tabbaco that she'd got me. fine, but now she's keeping such a close eye on what she pays for me (like coffee's and silly things like that), and expecting the money back, where as she's been staying with me most of last summer, and quite a bit of the autumn and two weeks now, rent free, i cook most nights, she pays nothing towards the food, and she's working an earning money.
She's also consistantly getting me to sort out her mess for her. I'll tell her a million times how an oyster card works, and she still fucks it up and expects me to sort it out and put more money on it. I've really got to the end of my tether, because she just doesn't listen to a word i have to say and then says when i get annoyed that i'm scaring her. I asked her quietly and nicely if she could move out the way so i could get the the card machine at the tube, and she almost broke down in tears.
Plus, i'm having not a great time of it, because i'm still having lots of nightmares, flashbacks, and bad days where i feel down, even though the fits have got a hell of a lot better. And because its from my childhood, i can't talk to my mum because she gets upset because she wasn't well enough to protect me from what went on.
she's going back on saturday, but i don't want her to leave with us feeling like this about each other. I feel like the mother here, not the child...
what do i do?
(sorry for the length of the post)
I looked after my mum for much of my life until i left home when i was 15. She has ME and there are times when shes perfectly fine, and others when she's really not. She's also dyspraxic like me, which means that she's constantly got little injuries that need sorting and she can just generaly be a mess.
She came to stay with me last summer, as i was really ill, and sometimes couldn't get out of the house due to my fits. I also have PTSD, due to stuff that happened in my childhood, and i frequently get flashbacks and stuff.
Over the summer, it was ok, i needed someone around to help me out because sometimes i couldn't do my shopping and a walk to the park was all i could manage before having another fit. She was working most days, and she'd do chores and shopping for me. I knew she was skint, but she hadn't asked for much. But as soon money, when i'd got better and been able to go to uni, she asked if she could borrow money. i let her, and then she gave me a check minus what i had owed her from tabbaco that she'd got me. fine, but now she's keeping such a close eye on what she pays for me (like coffee's and silly things like that), and expecting the money back, where as she's been staying with me most of last summer, and quite a bit of the autumn and two weeks now, rent free, i cook most nights, she pays nothing towards the food, and she's working an earning money.
She's also consistantly getting me to sort out her mess for her. I'll tell her a million times how an oyster card works, and she still fucks it up and expects me to sort it out and put more money on it. I've really got to the end of my tether, because she just doesn't listen to a word i have to say and then says when i get annoyed that i'm scaring her. I asked her quietly and nicely if she could move out the way so i could get the the card machine at the tube, and she almost broke down in tears.
Plus, i'm having not a great time of it, because i'm still having lots of nightmares, flashbacks, and bad days where i feel down, even though the fits have got a hell of a lot better. And because its from my childhood, i can't talk to my mum because she gets upset because she wasn't well enough to protect me from what went on.
she's going back on saturday, but i don't want her to leave with us feeling like this about each other. I feel like the mother here, not the child...
what do i do?
(sorry for the length of the post)
0
Comments
I guess its been a hard situation since you were a kid and dealing with her right through to now, i have a similar situation with my mum when she doesnt listen to a bloody word, so i just write lists if she refuses to understand things (hotmail was a nightmare) so its probably an idea to write her a list of instructions on how to use an oyster card, then photocopy it 10 times and keep giving her them until she gets the idea.
You simply have to ignore the money situation, regardless of how she treats you she did come and help you in the summer, other than that you could just refuse any coffee etc or going out, it will annoy her before it annoys you and if she insists, she pays!
Its also maybe a good idea to sit down and hav a good relaxed chat with he about everything so you dont leave on a bad note, just avoid shouting or being resentful of things