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I'm so upset! Please help!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
I have a boyfriend and weve been together a year. And i love him very much. I'm best frineds with a boyfriend i had when i was 8 (it was just 1 of those cute relationships where every1 goes aww cuz were 2 shy to talk)
So as you might of guessed i didnt even kiss him.
But half a year ago i was going through a rough patch with my boyfriend and went to my ex (liam) 4 advice. I dont know how but we ended up having text sex (over mobile phone) And my boyfriend broke up with me.
We got back together a week later and i spend 2 months saying sorry.
Alot of my friends said it wasnt a big deal because i didnt actually cheat. And talk doesnt mean anything. I dont have feelings 4 my ex but were still best friends. He hangs out at my house alot. My boyfriend feels threatend but he doesnt say anything unless i ask.
My boyfriend doesnt get mad but i worry. Should i tell my ex it would be best if we stopped being so close so i dont hurt my boyfriend or just stay friends having the risk that my boyfriend thinks i'm cheating?

Please help!!!!!
I'm so upset!!!

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A toughie, because, if the boyfriends worth it, it's still not worth to risk that friendship, you'll probably still have, when your bf is long gone. On the other hand, your boyfriend feels insecure and that for good reason.

    Have a heart to heart with your bf and say he doesn't have to worry about the friend. He is important to you, because you know each other for ages. But tell him, that you are with him, and that for good reason, and that Liam would never be a reason for you to break up with him.

    Start the convo and don't just bring it up in a discussion, that will give him the reassurance I guess.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ive tried talking to him and he just says he understands but after goes very quiet. I know he has the thought that i might be cheating but i'm not and i dont know how to talk to him. He thinks i am amazing. He thinks every guy wants me and gets worried. He thinks i will find a better guy but ive told him how much he really means to me.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If your bf means a lot maybe you could just try and tone your friendship down to show ur bf u respect his feelings. especially since the txt sex thing. if it was me i dont think i could handle it after the txtin so u should be appreciative of your bf. Im sure your friend will understand. if hes a real friend he will be there at the end whatever happens
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MonkeySpunk wrote: »
    Alot of my friends said it wasnt a big deal because i didnt actually cheat. And talk doesnt mean anything.

    Well think about how you would feel if your boyfriend did that with another girl. Would you still think talk doesn't mean anything?

    Talk to your boyfriend - it sounds like he's hurt and has maybe lost trust in you. Perhaps that will never come back but it is vital if you want to have a happy relationship.

    I really think you need to sit down with your boyf and have a big open chat about this - good luck x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Nice guy,

    Just to point out that it's worth spending a bit of time when posting a reply to avoid using text talk. It makes it difficult for people to understand what you are typing and also risks people being dismissive of the advice you are giving.

    Hope that's okay.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ive tried talking to him about it. I understand how it feels because the same thing happened to me. I regret doing it. I am amazed that he doesnt get angry at me for staying friends with my ex and that makes me feel better because it shows trust. Hes very insecure and always worrys and when it comes down to talking i dont actually know what to say. I want to prove to him that hes the only guy for me but i dont wana loose a close friend. This sounds so bad!!! I'm a horrible person! :crying: :crying: :crying:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MonkeySpunk wrote: »
    This sounds so bad!!! I'm a horrible person! :crying: :crying: :crying:

    Yeah you kinda are ;):p

    To you it does but take step back and look at the bigger picture. You can still keep your ex as a friend - You've just not got to be so close with him, thus ensuring your bf is happy. Which seems to be important to you.

    Your ex/friend/whatever the fuck he is will just have to adjust to the new boundaries you set for your friendship....I.e no naughty txts and not being alone with you so much. You may end up not being able to have your cake and eat it I'm afraid - such is life!

    The goal is to have the ex play little part of your life and making sure bf is happy. The upside is should you and your bf break up the ex will still be around to mop up and send those naughty txts.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would like to re-state my last post. Surely you can stay friends with the other guy but just consider your boyfriend while doing so especially since you have done wrong. Guess it depends how much he means to you.



    Sorry about the text language but i didn't think it would take a genious to work out what "u" and "bf" meant given the context.....i will try and be more considerate in the future.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well you see after the naughty texts me and my ex havent been as close any way and my ex is good friends with my brother so he would still hang out at my house and stuff.
    Me and my ex dont work as a couple but we know each other so well thats why we are friends.
    We bearly text as it is and i only chat to him in school when my boyfriend is busy.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dont mind the text talk. I'm use to it its just other people some time times cant understand. Lol.
    I'm kinda stuck on what to do. I'm not picking one or the other because they both mean alot to me.
    I love my man so much and just want to make him happy. But after all that ive done i feel really bad and feel like i owe him some thing big. And ive never had sex but i feel that i have to prove my love to him and sex is the best way.
    But i'm scared. :crying:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MonkeySpunk wrote: »
    I want to prove to him that hes the only guy for me but i dont wana loose a close friend.

    But you also say

    Well you see after the naughty texts me and my ex havent been as close any way and my ex is good friends with my brother so he would still hang out at my house and stuff.
    Me and my ex dont work as a couple but we know each other so well thats why we are friends.
    We bearly text as it is and i only chat to him in school when my boyfriend is busy.

    :confused::confused:

    Your ex is either a close friend or he's not - regardless of that, you only have control over your own actions. Not your bf or the ex, therefore if your telling your bf that you love him and aren't flirting/txting the ex then it's your bf problem to deal with and you'll just have to NOT add to it.

    More talking with the BF and less with the ex will solve this problem.

    Sorry I'm on my beeriod - it makes me be moody prick :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well you see i went through a really bad rough patch 2 months back and im still dealing with it. I dont have many friends and my ex is the best ive got other than my boyfriend.
    I've been trying to pull away from him a little so my boyfriend chills out a bit but he gets really upset whenever i talk to any guys.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't become too dependant on any one person in life (bar your mum and dad and close family) - bfs, exs, gfs, mates and strangers will all let you down, you've just got to learn to make allowances for that sadly. Being the charming person that I am :p *Ahem* I did have lots of people that could be classed as 'friends' but none of them played big part of my life - sadly I got dependant on a gf to make me happy and keep my life ticking over and interested. Everyone else got left behind and ....then our relationship ended for good and none of my friends were about. Karma's a bitch lol. So yeah I was in a real shitty place and still am, I lost what could have been a really good girl-mate because of the ex disliking her, at the end of the day it came down to me rather pleasing my gf than building a friendship so I can only partly lay the blame elsewhere. I'm slowly regaining my inner confidence and reclaiming my happiness so it's not all doom and gloom.

    But fuck it you're young, you'll meet loads of new people and you'll gain new friends so don't worry :) Deal with the now as best you can - try and play juggling game of keeping both bf and ex/friend happy, more so you're bf as you care about him but don't forget your friend. You're bf will have to deal with you having bloke mates - that's he's problem and not yours tho.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Aww!!! What happened? X

    Thats why i dont want to loose him as a friend to make my boyfriend happy. At the moment hes being a right dick to me and i'm so anoyed at him. We have good days...and we have bad days....but when we have bad days there really bad.
    :crying:
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