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Female Friend
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hiya. Having a bit of a problem with a female friend of mind. Have known her about a year and we are (were?) really really close.
To my surprise I have developed pretty strong feelings for her and I'm pretty sure she doesn't feel the same way back. The worst thing is that a little while ago she was into me and I didn't feel the same way. She used to be all over me on nights out etc and everyone was talking about me and her. I really didn't want her then though. I even found some of her drunken behaviour a bit full on and tried to avoid her on nights out. She used to txt me all the time and said really cute things like she loved me more than chocolate. Still didn't feel the same way though.
I was hoping she would get over me because I really enjoy her company when she isn't drunk and acting up and we had a lot of fun together doing stuff, just the two of us. She is really smart and has a good job and isn't a nutcase like you probably think! Anyway she did move on and my intial feeling was jealousy. I thought that I just missed the attention, didn't want her but didn't want anyone else to have her etc, so I tried to shake off my feelings but I couldn't. We basically swapped roles and I was the one texting her all the time etc trying to do stuff. She started being pretty distant which is fair enough as I would have been exactly the same.
I waited a few weeks and tried to forget about her, and then there was a change of circumstances when we moved about 50 miles apart from one another. It got to the point where I didn't hear much from her at all until a mutual friend of ours passed away and she wanted to talk to me about it. Now we are in touch quite a bit but only as mates. She is completely different to how she used to be and I am just another friend to her now. Thing is, I am now desperate to have her and really regret the chance I had even though I didn't want it at the time. She has since seen some guy who treated her like shit and it made me so sad. I'm considering ringing her and asking her on a date but am pretty worried about it and feel my chance has gone. I'm also concerned that I don't really have feelings for her at all, and that I just have a messed up mind that doesn't like the girl who wanted me to move on, and that I liked being the special one in her life, and that if I got her I wouldn't want her again.
This may all seem a bit messed up and like I have feelings for the wrong reasons, but at the end of the day the feelings are there so something needs to be done. Just looking for any opinions if anyone has any? Sorry for the essay but it feels good to have written it down!
To my surprise I have developed pretty strong feelings for her and I'm pretty sure she doesn't feel the same way back. The worst thing is that a little while ago she was into me and I didn't feel the same way. She used to be all over me on nights out etc and everyone was talking about me and her. I really didn't want her then though. I even found some of her drunken behaviour a bit full on and tried to avoid her on nights out. She used to txt me all the time and said really cute things like she loved me more than chocolate. Still didn't feel the same way though.
I was hoping she would get over me because I really enjoy her company when she isn't drunk and acting up and we had a lot of fun together doing stuff, just the two of us. She is really smart and has a good job and isn't a nutcase like you probably think! Anyway she did move on and my intial feeling was jealousy. I thought that I just missed the attention, didn't want her but didn't want anyone else to have her etc, so I tried to shake off my feelings but I couldn't. We basically swapped roles and I was the one texting her all the time etc trying to do stuff. She started being pretty distant which is fair enough as I would have been exactly the same.
I waited a few weeks and tried to forget about her, and then there was a change of circumstances when we moved about 50 miles apart from one another. It got to the point where I didn't hear much from her at all until a mutual friend of ours passed away and she wanted to talk to me about it. Now we are in touch quite a bit but only as mates. She is completely different to how she used to be and I am just another friend to her now. Thing is, I am now desperate to have her and really regret the chance I had even though I didn't want it at the time. She has since seen some guy who treated her like shit and it made me so sad. I'm considering ringing her and asking her on a date but am pretty worried about it and feel my chance has gone. I'm also concerned that I don't really have feelings for her at all, and that I just have a messed up mind that doesn't like the girl who wanted me to move on, and that I liked being the special one in her life, and that if I got her I wouldn't want her again.
This may all seem a bit messed up and like I have feelings for the wrong reasons, but at the end of the day the feelings are there so something needs to be done. Just looking for any opinions if anyone has any? Sorry for the essay but it feels good to have written it down!
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Comments
You've blown your chance and the thrill is gone.
Have you had any girlfriends or romance since this girl was really into you?
Could it be that you feel ready to meet someone and this girl seems an easier option than meeting someone new?
However, maybe you miss the attention and not her. If that's the case, leave her alone, you may end up needlessly hurting her.
It could well be that I just miss the attention, but I don't know for sure so I'm coming round to the opinion that I have to do something.
Though yeah like Strubble says I'm of the opinion that the ship has sailed. It is frustrating that I didn't want her then but I always did what I thought was best at the time so it is hard to blame myself. Just really annoying! Certain that my chance is gone but still thinking about acting as it has got to the stage where I just want to end this, and know for certain that there is no chance, so I can get on with my life. I guess if I put the ball back in her court there is a slight chance her feelings may come back.
My plan is this: we always used to go out, just the two of us, to meals etc. Used to have a good time, just as friends I thought but I guess she wanted more from it back then. Was thinking of asking if she wanted to do something similar then. If she comes along I can perhaps bring up moving the friendship forward and getting it all out in the open (sounds easy typing it!) Would appreciate it if people could let me know whether they think this is a good idea! And if she says no can I assume that I'm out on my luck? And thanks again for reading and replying.
I guess I am always of the "try it, see how it goes, don't have any what-ifs" persuasion!
She said we'll do something soon but I'm busy for a while. I said let me know when you are free. On the basis of this I feel like I should move on, learn from my mistakes and get on with my life. But I still don't feel like I have totally ended this. Usually I'm absolutely certain that I want to give up on a girl but here I am finding it hard to move away! She may well be busy, but am I right in thinking that if she really cared/wanted me, she would make time to see me? I know I would! Thanks again for replies!