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Short temper...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
So my boyfriend has this really short temper. It's not like he's violent or anything but sometimes I say something, completely innocent, and he goes off on a mad one.
His ex was, from all accounts, an utter bitch. His mates have told me she was a thief, a coke addict, used to abandon him for days whilst she went on a binge, sleeping with her dealer and leaving him with her 10 year old kid. She left him when they were engaged and it seems to have... fucked him up a bit.
However, I'm the complete opposite to this. I'm no angel but sometimes I say things a bit and they are a bit "ditzy". He goes off on one and it turns into this big shouting match and I end up in tears and then all of a sudden he's calmed down and apologising, calling himself a dick etc. He doesn't make me feel like shit as such but I can't help but feel sometimes I'm on a rollercoaster of emotions. We're also in a long-distance relationship so we talk on Skype or the phone or whatever and it makes things harder because I can't see what his body language is like and vice versa.
For example, today he was saying he went to the gym and how he went into the sweat gym where all the scary beefcake types were. I then mentioned to him about when i went to the gym once and they were really helpful and helped my friend and I with the equipment and he just loses it. He's all like "Do I tell you every fucking time some bird hits on me? Why do you have to go and rub it in my face that my gorgeous girlfriend is 60 odd miles down the road and all these people are hitting on her. How would you like it if I told you all the girls that hit on me during a party etc etc."
Now it was meant as a REALLY innocent comment but he just blew up. Sometimes I do need to watch what I say but there is no reason to go off on one so badly. I've tried talking to him about it and he's said he's working on it but he can't promise that he won't sometimes blow up and that he hates the thought of other guys looking at me.
How can I handle this? Because it seems like everytime we talk I say something wrong. I don't want to split up because otherwise he is utterly fantastic and I really care about him but I don't think I can deal with this drama everyday.
His ex was, from all accounts, an utter bitch. His mates have told me she was a thief, a coke addict, used to abandon him for days whilst she went on a binge, sleeping with her dealer and leaving him with her 10 year old kid. She left him when they were engaged and it seems to have... fucked him up a bit.
However, I'm the complete opposite to this. I'm no angel but sometimes I say things a bit and they are a bit "ditzy". He goes off on one and it turns into this big shouting match and I end up in tears and then all of a sudden he's calmed down and apologising, calling himself a dick etc. He doesn't make me feel like shit as such but I can't help but feel sometimes I'm on a rollercoaster of emotions. We're also in a long-distance relationship so we talk on Skype or the phone or whatever and it makes things harder because I can't see what his body language is like and vice versa.
For example, today he was saying he went to the gym and how he went into the sweat gym where all the scary beefcake types were. I then mentioned to him about when i went to the gym once and they were really helpful and helped my friend and I with the equipment and he just loses it. He's all like "Do I tell you every fucking time some bird hits on me? Why do you have to go and rub it in my face that my gorgeous girlfriend is 60 odd miles down the road and all these people are hitting on her. How would you like it if I told you all the girls that hit on me during a party etc etc."
Now it was meant as a REALLY innocent comment but he just blew up. Sometimes I do need to watch what I say but there is no reason to go off on one so badly. I've tried talking to him about it and he's said he's working on it but he can't promise that he won't sometimes blow up and that he hates the thought of other guys looking at me.
How can I handle this? Because it seems like everytime we talk I say something wrong. I don't want to split up because otherwise he is utterly fantastic and I really care about him but I don't think I can deal with this drama everyday.
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Comments
I just want to know if anybody else has had some sort of experience like this and how they kind of dealt with it.
As for counseling Icey, I don't think he'd get all pissy about it but he doesn't really believe in that kind of thing and I'm not sure if it would be the best method for him.
I agree he certainly still has issues and certainly unresolved ones with her (after she ended it he hasn't seen or spoken to her since... this was over a year ago). And even though my relationship ended REALLY badly, I made a point of seeing my ex on neutral ground with friends around me so I could say my piece and be over it. The anger my current bf gets is not the same as my ex and I know in my heart of hearts that he would never ever lay a finger on me.
You're certainly right about having to look at how this will affect me in the long term and what is best for me, but I really, really like him and I can definitely see a future with him. I think as well from speaking to his friends (and even his sister has been secretly facebooking me) about how great he's been since he met me. He has a murky dark past that he somehow managed to pick himself out of and has done really well, had I met him a few years ago and had I been involved with him (which I wouldn't have) this would be the least of my worries.
It just upsets me for a relationship that is so damned good there's this dark cloud that keeps popping up. He says he is working on it and I guess only time will tell, at least I have the necessary nouse to deal with it and it's fine after a while and he certainly feels remorse.... I guess I'l just have to watch this space.
I'm not sure those comments are justified to be honest, or helpful.