Cheating situation.

well, i know immediately some of you may write me off as being a bad person and think anything i have to say is pointless but whatever.
i was with my boyfriend for the best part of two and a half years, we were extremely in love for a logn time but we were growing up and growing apart (im now 17) and it just wasn't working so i ended things. this was mid november. everythign went really well and we promised that we would stay friends no matter what, i didnt think it could have ended better.
thing is, about 8 months into our relationship i cheated on him at a party with a friend. i did all but have sex with him and i never told my boyfriend. i know it doesnt make it okay but i never thought that anybody knew, only turns ou, they did and on the 22nd of ast month someone told him i had cheated and he confronted me. i talked to him for hours over the phone and told him everything, i was really apologetic and stuff and he said that he believed me and that he didnt really know what to think of me and asked if i could leave him alone for a while.

i know i really should have but it wasn't that easy. i bombarded him with texts constantly for the next few days apologising and saying that he knew i wasn't the cheating type and that it never meant i didnt love him and stuff and on the 27th i met him, we only had like half an hour as it was before we both went to work but we talked and he visited me later after he had finished and we seemed okay. he acted friendly with me and gave me a hug and everything. i was so relieved.

then, a few days later i have a message from him on facebook saying that he knows it happened more than once. i rang him up and swore that it didnt and told him that i really hoped he could believe me and that he knows what people can be like with rumours. so he told me to leave him alone for a while while he thought, which again i struggled with. i ended up texting him a lot like lying in bed at night really upset and scared that he would never talk again, i know im only young but for so long we were both convinced that we were going to spend the rest of our lives together and i didn't want the one mistake i had made to like overwrite all that.

so he text me back the day before yesterday because he had no credit and told me to just 'leave him the fuck alone' and that he really doesnt want to talk to me. he said he really needs time without me in it. i kept asking if he hated me and he just avoided the question.

i really don't want him to hate me, because we ended on such good terms i do still love him and really hate myself for what i did to him but i have grown up and changed so uch since then nd i am convinced that he must know that and i really just hope that we will eventually be the close friends he had said when we broke up. only we will both be going away to university in september and im scared things won't be okay by then.

what do you all think will happen? do you thnk he will hate me forever? i keep telling myself that of course it's going to hurt for a while and he will take time to get his head round it but im so scared of losing him out of my life completely. i used to think hewas such a good person, different to other people i knew but the way he has been acting it makes me not so sure. i don't want him to judge me forever and hate me because of one mistake. the only hope i had is that after he said to leave him alone and stuff i text him saying that i hope everything goes okay, good luck with stuff and asked if he would still let me know when he started seeing someone else (we had both promised each other that) and he replied saying he would, that he wanted me to still do the same and good luck. so i'm hoping that means he must still care.

sorry for such a terribly long winded post. i just really feel like i need some unbiased advice on this. its just sort of timing itself perfectly with me coming to that stage of getting over him where i really miss him and get paranoid i made the wrong decision so i'm pretty stressed by it all.