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cant get aroused
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
hey guys :wave:
Basically the problem is the message title!
its been a problem for a loong while now and its seriously starting to get me down!!
(sorry to be graphic btw - i never like airing problems like this on here, but i get more help on here than i would do from anywhere/anyone else!)
its not that i dont enjoy sex when i have it, BUT i never ever get anywhere close to orgasming (never had one!!) and its always a bit of 'an effort' in the beginning to get things started because im never ready enough. eever.
foreplay - eg. fingering is ESPECIALLY bad because it just doesnt seem to do ANYTHING for me.
i mean, i was with a guy i liked this morning and things ended up getting a bit steamy for the first time - but i think he got a bit frustrated because he was putting in so much effort to make me happy, but it just wasnt happening! he was good - (as in it was miildly pleasurable compared to nothing on previous occasions with other partners.) but i ended up having to tell him to stop because it would have gone on forever and idve had to fake it when i really didnt want to. think that put him out a bit :no: probably thinks he was bad, when i really wanted to tell him it was me, not him!!
is it normal not having any arousing feelings whatsoever?! its really frustrating me, because i actually do enjoy sex (well,to be more specific i enjoy the feeling i get when the person im with is happy. i would quite happily give all the time and not receive anything!)
could there possibily be something pysically wrong with me?! i cant see how it could be mental because the people ive been with i all physically fancy and WANT to be doing it with them.id hate to think that its always going to be like this
in some ways its actually damaged my self confidence when it comes to meeting guys - theres always a niggling feeling in the back of my mind saying
"well theres no point going any further with him because he'll obviously want sex - and i wont be able to give it to him as much as he'll want me to so he'll dump me." so i dont generally bother. wasted many an opportunity because of feeling this.
i dont really know what im wanting people to say to this - but i would just like to know if this is AT ALL normal? or if theres anything i can do to help it? doctors maybe? i dont know
its just... ARGHH!
Basically the problem is the message title!
its been a problem for a loong while now and its seriously starting to get me down!!
(sorry to be graphic btw - i never like airing problems like this on here, but i get more help on here than i would do from anywhere/anyone else!)
its not that i dont enjoy sex when i have it, BUT i never ever get anywhere close to orgasming (never had one!!) and its always a bit of 'an effort' in the beginning to get things started because im never ready enough. eever.
foreplay - eg. fingering is ESPECIALLY bad because it just doesnt seem to do ANYTHING for me.
i mean, i was with a guy i liked this morning and things ended up getting a bit steamy for the first time - but i think he got a bit frustrated because he was putting in so much effort to make me happy, but it just wasnt happening! he was good - (as in it was miildly pleasurable compared to nothing on previous occasions with other partners.) but i ended up having to tell him to stop because it would have gone on forever and idve had to fake it when i really didnt want to. think that put him out a bit :no: probably thinks he was bad, when i really wanted to tell him it was me, not him!!
is it normal not having any arousing feelings whatsoever?! its really frustrating me, because i actually do enjoy sex (well,to be more specific i enjoy the feeling i get when the person im with is happy. i would quite happily give all the time and not receive anything!)
could there possibily be something pysically wrong with me?! i cant see how it could be mental because the people ive been with i all physically fancy and WANT to be doing it with them.id hate to think that its always going to be like this
in some ways its actually damaged my self confidence when it comes to meeting guys - theres always a niggling feeling in the back of my mind saying
"well theres no point going any further with him because he'll obviously want sex - and i wont be able to give it to him as much as he'll want me to so he'll dump me." so i dont generally bother. wasted many an opportunity because of feeling this.
i dont really know what im wanting people to say to this - but i would just like to know if this is AT ALL normal? or if theres anything i can do to help it? doctors maybe? i dont know
its just... ARGHH!
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Comments
and ive used lube before - but surely its going to get tedious using it aall the time for every single sexual encounter? i dont know why but i feel like the guy would get pissed having to use that all the time and think that im not enjoying it BECAUSE i have to use lube to do anything.. if that makes sense
You can get little sachets of lube btw.
well, yeah its both really
lack of arousal is main underlying bigger problem tho.
well, things like films and books USED to - but now whenever i read or watch something erotic.. nada! i mean, 'sometimes' therell be the odd moment when ill watch a film scene or whatever and ill feel an odd twinge.. but it doesnt last
i think the only time i ever regularly do feel turned on is when i have a 'sex dream'
However, I would add one thing. You state in the first post that "in some ways, it's actually damaged my self-confidence when it comes to meeting guys...". I think you're in danger of getting into a vicious circle here. If it's any consolation, if the guy really likes you, I doubt he'll mind having to wait a little for sex.
Nothing to add to what the others have said, but I did want to pick up on this comment... tell him. Firstly you don't want to leave him feeling that he's no good, that'll affect his confidence and then the problems will be compunded. Secondly, if he knows what's up with you he can help, or at least be understanding.
it might be best to create your own thread as this one is over 10 months old.