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Am I being unreasonable?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
It's my girlfriends birthday sunday, she's having a party on the saturday that I will obviously be attending then staying over to give her her presents sunday morning and take her out for breakfast or something.
I've spent a lot of money on her and got her this ring that she's wanted for ages (but she doesn't know about it).
Anyway, after the breakfast she's going to see her nan in the hostel (she's dying of cancer) and then she's going back to her mum's house for birthday cake. She knows I don't like cake but she still expects me to go and wait in the foyer of the hostel for an hour or so whilst she sees her nan with her family.
Don't get me wrong, I know it sounds cold hearted but I feel like I'm completely intruding big time considering her nan is dying and all her family are going to see her.. I don't want to be stuck there, it's far too awkward for me. We've got a cake sorted for her party so it's not like I'm missing it out completely. I've told her this and she started having a go.
Her family are fairly sound, but I don't feel like that's the place for me to be at all. Do you think I'm being out of order?
I've spent a lot of money on her and got her this ring that she's wanted for ages (but she doesn't know about it).
Anyway, after the breakfast she's going to see her nan in the hostel (she's dying of cancer) and then she's going back to her mum's house for birthday cake. She knows I don't like cake but she still expects me to go and wait in the foyer of the hostel for an hour or so whilst she sees her nan with her family.
Don't get me wrong, I know it sounds cold hearted but I feel like I'm completely intruding big time considering her nan is dying and all her family are going to see her.. I don't want to be stuck there, it's far too awkward for me. We've got a cake sorted for her party so it's not like I'm missing it out completely. I've told her this and she started having a go.
Her family are fairly sound, but I don't feel like that's the place for me to be at all. Do you think I'm being out of order?
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Comments
On the other hand, if it means so much for her and you can't get out there without some serious rumble, suck it up and go. It's her birthday after all and I don't think you will have to frequent the hostel to see her nan. It's probably just this one time. You don't want to cause a ruckus, do you? I think this time it's better to give in.
:yes: I agree.
Remember too, Aspire, that her family MAY become your family one day .. so it would be good to show them that you are considerate and supportive - even if if means you are put out for a few hours or so. Take your MP3 player, a good book, a flask of coffee and some sweets and just settle in while you wait for your girlfriend to do her stuff.
Looks like I'll be going then! Although I think I'll definitely stay in the foyer, it'll be too much pressure for me if I went in with them.
Yes the afternoon at the hospice (I presume thats what you meant not a hostel) isnt going to be a barrel of laughs, but were the situation the other way around would you want her there?
Go, be respectful and nice about it and it will probably come back to you in affection later on.
If I'm honest, I wouldn't expect her to come if it was the other way round.
It's all easy for me to say though, I'm fortunate enough to still have my nan & grandad knocking about in good health.. I've never even been to a funeral, which was partly the reason that made me wonder if I was being out of order in the first place. I've never experienced someone close to me dying.
Yeah, remember, but you're a bloke. Girls see things differently.
If you did have a small row about this, go back to her today, apologise and say that you have thought things through and you would like to be at the hospice to support her, even if you are in the foyer. She will be so overwhelmed that by the end of the day, you can lie back and have your plums sucked as if its YOUR birthday! :thumb:
Quite glad I asked for advice now
Like I said its give and take, and you are likely to see a return on your investment. That and its the decent thing to do if she has asked you.
Hey Graham, always best to check dates on threads before you post - this one was from back in October and so I know Aspire has had lots happen since then so I'm going to close it now.