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taking advantage
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Im a student right now and I offered to let my boyfriend of 8months come and stay with me in my room in halls of residences while he looked for a flat and a job. That was nearly two months ago and he's STILL here. He very recently found a part-time job but doesn't seem to be in any rush to get a flat.
I feel I'm sacrificing so much for him. One of my flatmates has fallen out with me over him staying too long and I was reported to the warden. After that I immediately started looking for a flat for him (because if I left it to him to do he would never bother) I soon found a perfect, cheap flat for him and urged him desperately to move in asap so to smooth over the whole situation with the Warden. However he took it personally that I wanted him to leave and was offended. His final decision is that he will move into the flat but only if I leave halls of residence to come live with him. (which i would do but I am employed by the university as a mentor to some of the students in halls and really want to wait until the end of term before leaving so as not to let the other staff down)
My studies have suffered and I've gained weight since he came to stay. I know thats not his fault but I cant help resenting him. Also he doesnt pay me any rent to stay here (which Im not bothered about) but he also doesnt pay for any of the shopping. So I have to buy the food and also cook it for him...and tidy up after him.
Because he only works a couple of days a week he often spends his days off sleeping for the whole day and staying awake during the night playing games on my computer. So as a result my sleeping patterns are screwed up to so I've missed alot of lectures.
I love him but I have a huge knot of frustration in my stomach. I resent him and feel like I've got no self-respect.
I feel I'm sacrificing so much for him. One of my flatmates has fallen out with me over him staying too long and I was reported to the warden. After that I immediately started looking for a flat for him (because if I left it to him to do he would never bother) I soon found a perfect, cheap flat for him and urged him desperately to move in asap so to smooth over the whole situation with the Warden. However he took it personally that I wanted him to leave and was offended. His final decision is that he will move into the flat but only if I leave halls of residence to come live with him. (which i would do but I am employed by the university as a mentor to some of the students in halls and really want to wait until the end of term before leaving so as not to let the other staff down)
My studies have suffered and I've gained weight since he came to stay. I know thats not his fault but I cant help resenting him. Also he doesnt pay me any rent to stay here (which Im not bothered about) but he also doesnt pay for any of the shopping. So I have to buy the food and also cook it for him...and tidy up after him.
Because he only works a couple of days a week he often spends his days off sleeping for the whole day and staying awake during the night playing games on my computer. So as a result my sleeping patterns are screwed up to so I've missed alot of lectures.
I love him but I have a huge knot of frustration in my stomach. I resent him and feel like I've got no self-respect.
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Comments
Why would he move out when you are making it so comfortable? he is guilt tripping you over you asking him to move because he wants to continue sleeping/playing/doing not much at all.
Give him a date to leave your apartment and tell him you will join him at the end of term, if he says hes going to break up with you over it let him say that, quite simply if he does not move out you will end up hating him more than you love him.
You have gotten into enough trouble over his unwillingness to move his ass out.
I was in a similar situation when my boyfriend moved into my uni room. We broke up (for 8 hours) because we were just in each other's faces all the time and constantly stressed out.