If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
Not being there
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I know this'll probably come across as a bit selfish but ne'ermind. I'm now at uni so a good 2 hours away from my boyfriend. He's always giving me the whole 'I'm always there for you when you need me' spiel and last time he cam up to stay with me he said he would come up and see me on one of two weekends before the end of term.
This is the second of those said weekends and lo and behold, he has no damn intention of coming up. This was bad enough the first time he did it.
To add onto this, both weekends I have phoned him in the middle of the night because I really needed someone to talk to. The first time my back had gone really 'funny' and I was in a lot of pain. The second time, last night, I was being really sick and ended up laying shaking on my bathroom floor. He didn't answer either time. Which you may well think, fair enough, he was asleep.
But he wasn't. I know damn well he wasn't. The first time this happened he managed to post on my friend's Facebook within 5 minutes of me calling him and he posted from his mobile. Last night he did the same thing, fair enough, it was within 20 minutes of me calling, but I fail to see how he didn't notice and how he managed to fall asleep in so quick a time.
As for seeing me, he has come out with lots of bs excuses imo. The first time he said that I had put him off because I was angry with him (angry because he hadn't turned up or answered his phone at all!) and tonight he has said that he would rather use the train money to pay for something else, and when I offered to pay for it myself he said that I needed to do work over the weekend. Yes, I do have work to do but I've also had work every other bloody weekend!
So now I've worked myself up into a tearful angry state again and I am really questioning whether this relationship is in anyway beneficial to me.
Sorry.
x
This is the second of those said weekends and lo and behold, he has no damn intention of coming up. This was bad enough the first time he did it.
To add onto this, both weekends I have phoned him in the middle of the night because I really needed someone to talk to. The first time my back had gone really 'funny' and I was in a lot of pain. The second time, last night, I was being really sick and ended up laying shaking on my bathroom floor. He didn't answer either time. Which you may well think, fair enough, he was asleep.
But he wasn't. I know damn well he wasn't. The first time this happened he managed to post on my friend's Facebook within 5 minutes of me calling him and he posted from his mobile. Last night he did the same thing, fair enough, it was within 20 minutes of me calling, but I fail to see how he didn't notice and how he managed to fall asleep in so quick a time.
As for seeing me, he has come out with lots of bs excuses imo. The first time he said that I had put him off because I was angry with him (angry because he hadn't turned up or answered his phone at all!) and tonight he has said that he would rather use the train money to pay for something else, and when I offered to pay for it myself he said that I needed to do work over the weekend. Yes, I do have work to do but I've also had work every other bloody weekend!
So now I've worked myself up into a tearful angry state again and I am really questioning whether this relationship is in anyway beneficial to me.
Sorry.
x
0
Comments
To be honest, it doesn't sound like it is, as you are doing all the running.
Relationships involve two people (or more
I know that if someone was ill and they wanted me to talk to or look after them, then I would.
But ignoring you and posting on your mate's facebook? Sorry to state the obvious, but i think it says it all really!
I lived 4 hours away on the train and I always went to see him, even just for the afternoon and he never once came to see me, even though I knew he was in the same city visiting a friend. Bastard.
Then he said he had no signal so could never ever ever answer my calls. Yet, sure enough, the few times he really desperately needed to speak to someone I was called up.
Just a joke.
I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship, but I know that you're definitely worth having someone who will listen to you. Relationships work two ways, and I think he needs to realise this.
As for the man in your life he sounds as though he is being totally unreasonable towards you and in no way should you stand for any of it. Try to talk to him about and find out his true feelings towards you.
(you can read through my posts and threads to hear the advice i got from others, as it is very similar to your situation)
I'm not saying this is the end but either he has to pull his socks up or its over as this isnt fair on you
xx
Pushing him? Pushing him to what? If they're in a relationship he should just want to be there for her and he should just want to spend time with her.
So, OP I don't you think you crave too much if it's the case that he's promising to come see you but never does. But I wouldn't demand that he's always available in the middle of the night.
Oh, my back pain is from an old accident. I've got physiotherapy on Thurs so hopefully we might get somewhere, but previous experience tells me otherwise. I don't know if it's related to my odd bleeding though, the GP hasn't found anything yet. Still, I'm seeing them on Thurs as well, so hopefully the most recent tests will show something.
As for him, he has broken his phone atm. Not sure how much I believe this, if I'm honest. Getting hold of him has been a nightmare today and when I did it just resulted in me spending the day in bed sleeping and crying. I know I have my own money/time/work/whatever to be worrying about but the fact that he won't even accept my offer of paying for him to come up to see me does sting a lot. He says he's worried about giving me a good Christmas and would rather just wait until I am home until he sees me, and he's worried about being around my family etc. I appreciate he's worried about our first Christmas going well (we were on a break that he'd chosen last Christmas:crying: ) but I just don't see how this is affecting him seeing me.
I don't know...
x
I don't demand that he's always available. But the fact that I know damn well he was awake when I phoned but was ignored in favour of Facebook does rile me. Hell, I woke up when he drunk called me at 3am and listened to him for an hour telling me how he loves me even though all his friends can't understand why he's with me. And then he got angry when I told him this conversation was upsetting.
I've just found out he's just bought a new phone despite having some perfectly useable old ones. Apparently I'm not worth it but a phone is. :crying:
sorry that your back is in pain I have a husband who suffers with back pain and glad that you are receiving treatment for it. Hope all goes well for Thursday will be thinking of you.
It sounds as though he is not being honest with you but I do not really know you both that well to judge and he could have broken the phone?
At least you have work to try and take your mind of things and I can imagine how you are feeling right now. Have you a close friend that you can talk to? Meeting parents for the first time can be scary on both sides.
Can you ring him via homeline? It does sound as though he is not being honest with you for some reason but try not to worry about it too much ...you have to look afteryourself too.
I phoned him on the landline earlier but I am scared of getting his mum as I know she will be angry with me for upsetting him.
As for meeting family, we've met each others family lots of times before. He is not actually spending Christmas with us but agreed to go to a family party a few days before hand. It's nothing big just going round my Grandma's, having a meal, getting a bit drunk and playing cards.
Thank you for your thoughts about my back. I'm sorry your husband's back is bad, I know what a pain (excuse the pun) it can be.
x
From what I'm reading it seems that there's different expectations as to how much contact you should have when you're not spending time together in the same place. Everyone is different but seems you really need to talk this stuff over him. Tell him calmly that you really need to stay more in touch with him and see how he reacts to that. If he's truly into you and the relationship he shouldn't get upset over that.
From my experience it's very important to have a set of common grounds for stuff like this, and I've had distance relationships myself, so I know it's not easy. Also, don't try to think so much of what his friend thinks about it all. It's his opinions you're looking for, not his friends.
Also, it's a good idea to spend more time with friends/hobbies/activities in the place you're living, it's may be helpful to "not wait for that call" all the time. That helped me at least
Good luck!
Thanks
x
Yes, I know what you mean. Good that you have a personal advisor who can look at it from the outside. I also had trouble sometimes putting advices into practise, it's very easy to "get sucked up" when you're in the middle of it yourself. But still, it really helps when you actually put them into practise
x