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Divorce on grounds of suspected affair: Implications for cheater?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
This is a long story so I am going to cut it short. A few months ago I met a bloke who is married. We had a mutual friend and hit it off instantly. We chatted online frequently but nothing happened between us. There was instant chemistry but as he was married, I left him alone. He confided in me that his marriage was on the rocks and he hadn't been happy for months so I gave him some friendly advice to help him through his troubles.
Last month, a group of us went out and he met up with his wife at the end of the night. She often questioned our friendship and asked if he was having an affair with me! He laughed it off but at the end of the night told me that he wanted to be with me. He told his wife that he wanted to leave her as he was not happy. She has not taken this well and again accussed him of having an affair. Again, nothing was happening between us but we knew that we could not ignore the attraction.
Since he told her it was over, we have become increasingly close and have been on a number of dates. She is still refusing to accept that it is over (he is still living in the marital home because of circumstance) and he wants to tell her about us, reinforcing that it is over. I am worried that if he does this, this will affect any settlement her has to pay her in the divorce. Throughout the process, she has been violent, unreasonable and has a tendancy to drink and pass out whilst looking after the children. Is he wise not to mention me until the divorce is through? Or shall we just come clean and battle to convince the divorce courts that we were not having an affair? Help....its a maze out there!
Thanks in advance!
Last month, a group of us went out and he met up with his wife at the end of the night. She often questioned our friendship and asked if he was having an affair with me! He laughed it off but at the end of the night told me that he wanted to be with me. He told his wife that he wanted to leave her as he was not happy. She has not taken this well and again accussed him of having an affair. Again, nothing was happening between us but we knew that we could not ignore the attraction.
Since he told her it was over, we have become increasingly close and have been on a number of dates. She is still refusing to accept that it is over (he is still living in the marital home because of circumstance) and he wants to tell her about us, reinforcing that it is over. I am worried that if he does this, this will affect any settlement her has to pay her in the divorce. Throughout the process, she has been violent, unreasonable and has a tendancy to drink and pass out whilst looking after the children. Is he wise not to mention me until the divorce is through? Or shall we just come clean and battle to convince the divorce courts that we were not having an affair? Help....its a maze out there!
Thanks in advance!
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Comments
If hes been unfaithful then she doesnt need to find lots of other reasons for divorce. If he divorces her, it could be for unreasonable behaviour.
The reason for divorce shouldnt affect any settlement. The only things that will affect what he has to pay are if they have dependent children and she is the primary caregiver. She may get slightly more in that way. For instance when my exh and I divorced, the proceeds of the house were split 60/40 in my favour because i had a dependant child.
If they want to divorce, dont worry about the reason - nobody asks or cares at any time other than when the divorce is going on, and they dont write it in the papers anymore
yeah I agree with that, since youve added a hell of a lot more information since i replied last time