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Argh!!!!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey, any help would be much appreciated with a problem that has been clogging up my head for so long now.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 3 years but now I feel its got to the point where I physically, mentally and emotionally can’t take anymore.
To put it bluntly my boyfriend is a very possessive man, apparently this is because of his previous partner cheated on him, to the point where he will hack into email accounts, my phone, any post I leave lying around, look through my bedroom drawers, anything basically he thinks I can be secretive about.
This does bother me and has caused me to lose contact with close friends due to the fact that I am not allowed to speak to them anymore due to them being male, not suitable for me, using me or whatever other excuse he can think of to get them away from me.
He also feels the need to sit in the pub where I work part-time whenever he is able to, ask my colleagues questions about me, who I talk to, who am I closest to etc to try and get any dirt on me this way.
He is now at a university 150miles away from mine so the plan was to visit each other twice a month, he’d come home once and I’d go down there once a month.
About 2 weeks ago, he woke me up at 4am in the morning and told me that he couldn’t cope with the pressure of both me and his work so thought we should go on a break. I said I was fine with this because basically I been looking to get out of the relationship for the past year but I’m too scared of him to try and get away. (I didnt say that to him)
He is the type of person who will drive home and cut the brake lines on my car for example.
So we agreed to the break and went our separate ways, however just 12 hours later he was ringing me up and begging for me to get back with him because he made the wrong decision blah de blah and couldn’t live without me.
I managed to hold strong for a couple of days but had to put up with over 250 texts in 2 days and numerous phonecalls, most of which I ignored.
In the end he resorted to emotional blackmail by telling me he was going to jump off the pier coz he couldn’t and wouldn’t live without me.
That was enough to make me cave in and I hate myself for doing so because he came home that weekend and seemed to think everything was hunky dory again.
Thing is, it really isn’t. In the few hours that we were properly apart my head felt so much clearer, I was no longer scared of who I spoke to or smiled at. How long I took to pop to the shops, how long it took me to get home from university and not having to constantly have my phone in my hand in case he text me,
Now its like a huge fog is covering my mind again because all pressure is back again.
I’m in the last year of nursing degree and have a seriously huge workload as well as placements to contend with. I’ve been hauled into my personal tutor twice in regards to my concentration and I cant afford to mess this up.
But now I don’t know what to do with myself.
I’m so scared that I just feel like going AWOL in my reading weeks, coz if he cant find me then he cant hurt me?
I honestly feel like I cant take this anymore.
So basically my question is help, what do I do?
I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 3 years but now I feel its got to the point where I physically, mentally and emotionally can’t take anymore.
To put it bluntly my boyfriend is a very possessive man, apparently this is because of his previous partner cheated on him, to the point where he will hack into email accounts, my phone, any post I leave lying around, look through my bedroom drawers, anything basically he thinks I can be secretive about.
This does bother me and has caused me to lose contact with close friends due to the fact that I am not allowed to speak to them anymore due to them being male, not suitable for me, using me or whatever other excuse he can think of to get them away from me.
He also feels the need to sit in the pub where I work part-time whenever he is able to, ask my colleagues questions about me, who I talk to, who am I closest to etc to try and get any dirt on me this way.
He is now at a university 150miles away from mine so the plan was to visit each other twice a month, he’d come home once and I’d go down there once a month.
About 2 weeks ago, he woke me up at 4am in the morning and told me that he couldn’t cope with the pressure of both me and his work so thought we should go on a break. I said I was fine with this because basically I been looking to get out of the relationship for the past year but I’m too scared of him to try and get away. (I didnt say that to him)
He is the type of person who will drive home and cut the brake lines on my car for example.
So we agreed to the break and went our separate ways, however just 12 hours later he was ringing me up and begging for me to get back with him because he made the wrong decision blah de blah and couldn’t live without me.
I managed to hold strong for a couple of days but had to put up with over 250 texts in 2 days and numerous phonecalls, most of which I ignored.
In the end he resorted to emotional blackmail by telling me he was going to jump off the pier coz he couldn’t and wouldn’t live without me.
That was enough to make me cave in and I hate myself for doing so because he came home that weekend and seemed to think everything was hunky dory again.
Thing is, it really isn’t. In the few hours that we were properly apart my head felt so much clearer, I was no longer scared of who I spoke to or smiled at. How long I took to pop to the shops, how long it took me to get home from university and not having to constantly have my phone in my hand in case he text me,
Now its like a huge fog is covering my mind again because all pressure is back again.
I’m in the last year of nursing degree and have a seriously huge workload as well as placements to contend with. I’ve been hauled into my personal tutor twice in regards to my concentration and I cant afford to mess this up.
But now I don’t know what to do with myself.
I’m so scared that I just feel like going AWOL in my reading weeks, coz if he cant find me then he cant hurt me?
I honestly feel like I cant take this anymore.
So basically my question is help, what do I do?
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Comments
You could change your mobile number if you're sick of him texting and phoning you and if he doesn't give up after that then maybe you should go to the police and let them know you're being harrased by him.
Don't fall for the "I'll kill myself if you don't get back with me" thing, if he really loved you and knew how to have a proper healthy relationship then he would never have acted in the way he has. Chances are he won't kill himself at all and it is good you recognise it for the emotional blackmail it is; you are not responsible for him and his decisions and he is clearly not making you happy.
If there is someone you can go and stay for for a couple of days after you break up then maybe do that, just to avoid him turning up on your doorstep. Make the situation known and clear to whoever you are living with so you have people around you looking out for you and aware of what is going on.
I know it is hard but you have to get away and do what is best for you.