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Am I trying to hard...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
or am I just giving up to easy?
I'm not always an easy person to be with. Then again, who is? Anyway, I've been with the same woman for almost 3 years. I can honestly say that I fell in love for the first time when I met her. We have either great times or bad times. Right now is a bad time.
I have a problem with depression. I tend to pull away from the people that love me. I tend to treat the strangers better than the people I love the most. She has her own list of issues as well. I have an 11 and 13 year old boys part times and she has a 4 and 6 year old boys full time. She thinks that I need to fix my issues before we go any further with our relationship. I agree that I have so work to do.
I am working hard at this stuff but I'm afraid that I wont achieve a long term fix. That I will slip back to my old lazy ways and that it will be the end the relationship. She says the only person that can "fix" me is me. I understand the philosophical side of this but at the same time I feel that I need support from the people I love while I work on all of this.
So with all that said, I feel like this is way to hard for what it is and that I need to end the relationship. Then again I love her and don't want to give up on this like so many other things in my life.....
Any advice? I'm over whelmed and I don't feel like I can talk to anyone close to me about all of this.
I'm not always an easy person to be with. Then again, who is? Anyway, I've been with the same woman for almost 3 years. I can honestly say that I fell in love for the first time when I met her. We have either great times or bad times. Right now is a bad time.
I have a problem with depression. I tend to pull away from the people that love me. I tend to treat the strangers better than the people I love the most. She has her own list of issues as well. I have an 11 and 13 year old boys part times and she has a 4 and 6 year old boys full time. She thinks that I need to fix my issues before we go any further with our relationship. I agree that I have so work to do.
I am working hard at this stuff but I'm afraid that I wont achieve a long term fix. That I will slip back to my old lazy ways and that it will be the end the relationship. She says the only person that can "fix" me is me. I understand the philosophical side of this but at the same time I feel that I need support from the people I love while I work on all of this.
So with all that said, I feel like this is way to hard for what it is and that I need to end the relationship. Then again I love her and don't want to give up on this like so many other things in my life.....
Any advice? I'm over whelmed and I don't feel like I can talk to anyone close to me about all of this.
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Comments
Really sorry to hear you're going through a bad time at the moment, from the sounds of it, it's totally understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed.
There is a lot to consider in this situation, it's only natural that you are finding it hard. You say that you've been together for 3 years and that you have a problem with depression. There are also children involved and you mention your partner has issues too. You haven't mentioned what you have been doing to tackle your depression only that you are 'working hard at stuff'.
Have you been to see your GP or thought about getting some sort of counselling at all? Depending on the nature of your depression there are loads of different options that can help you cope with it. Looking after your own wellbeing even if it's eating well or doing some exercise can really boost your confidence and energy levels.
You may not find a long term 'fix' but you may find ways to better manage the way you feel sometimes. Is there anyone else you can talk to about this, a close friend or family member? If you can open up to someone they may be able to give you a different perspective on things and sometimes just talking things through face to face helps you to understand what you really want.
Could you see your future with this person? If you can and you think ideally, were things easier, that would be what you wanted, then maybe it's worth sticking it out?
Perhaps if you can show her that you are taking real steps to resolve whatever problems you may have then she will be able to support you, you wont have to do it alone. You mention you tend to push her away but really she could be the one person that can help you through this if you can show her you're really serious about working things out.
Three years is a long time and perhpas it's at the stage in your relationship where you're both deciding if you're in it for the long term? Either way, it may help if you could sit down and really talk things through with your partner and find out where you stand and what you both want.
Whatever you decide to do, it may help if you know you have tried all the options to make it work. You say you do love her, you may still have a future together but it may involve getting through this tough time first.
Hope this helps and good luck
when i read your story i felt total empathy for you as i am going through a very similiar time, i too have suffered from depressive periods during my 6 years of marriage, which has now come to an end, my husband cannot cope with my moods no more and i cannot help feel that i am the one responsibile for this. Like you i have pulled away from the one who truly loved me, but now i feel it is too late and i am devastated, please dont give up, keep on trying to hang onto to what you have, it is so precious to have someone that truly loves and adores you. I have a lot of regrets and never believed i truly deserved to be loved and hence pushed the one person who did love me away, dont let this happen to you. I have been working hard at my relationship for 6 years and have failed many times but i would never give up , only now my husband has given up, which has left me totally devastated, thats why i am writing to you, because i can see so many similarities and dont want you to lose what you have, i did go for help from my GPs and also counselling, though its too late now, i have to learn to love and value myself, which you need to do also. Sorry to get poetical about this , but plant your own garden and bring yourself flowers instead of waiting for someone else to bring them to you.
never give up.
I promised I wouldnt give up but i have. She wont go to lunch with me because of a coldsore but will go out with other people the same day i ask. I LOVE her boys like they were my own. I have never felt more in love for a person. I have waited for her to decide what she wants and two months is more than I can take. She has shown no interest. So screw it. I know i'm flawed. I cant take this much more. I've been here before and it hurts to much. I have always kept my kids in mind and never done any thing to stupid. but i cant go thru this again. :no: no one deserves my at this point. they are all better than me so thy win. I have no one to talk to. no one to call. i'm home. alone. i want it to be over...