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I just dont know what i can do here
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
This girl and I both really like each other, we're practically going out, she just doesn't want to make it official yet. her Ex-bf is a total knob and is not good for her at all, he's controlling, patronising, the works.
When they broke up and he went out with someone else, that was fine.
Then, after he broke up with his new girlfriend he jsut suddenly started calling, texting and wanting to meet 'my' girl who is his ex. Only after he was dropped did his interest suddenly go through-the-roof.
Last night was our school formal and there was an after party i couldnt goto, She was going and had been texting him and he said that she should stay at his after it.
She ended up going and That got me down because it's obvious what his intentions are.
But what do I do? She knows i dont like it at all but do I even have a foot to stand on since we're not going out? She promised herself she would do anything with him but i dont know if that'd hold.
I need some advice
When they broke up and he went out with someone else, that was fine.
Then, after he broke up with his new girlfriend he jsut suddenly started calling, texting and wanting to meet 'my' girl who is his ex. Only after he was dropped did his interest suddenly go through-the-roof.
Last night was our school formal and there was an after party i couldnt goto, She was going and had been texting him and he said that she should stay at his after it.
She ended up going and That got me down because it's obvious what his intentions are.
But what do I do? She knows i dont like it at all but do I even have a foot to stand on since we're not going out? She promised herself she would do anything with him but i dont know if that'd hold.
I need some advice
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Comments
Why doesn't she want to make if 'official', by the way?
Talk to her about the prospect of it being 'official' and remind her that because a leopard can't change its spots and that you are so different from her previous boyfriend, you are not prepared to even consider 'competing' with him.
Ask her how she would deal with this same situation if the roles were reversed. She has to come to the right decision herself and acknowledge that you are, indeed, the better one she should be with and that harbouring any feelings for this ex will only lead to disappointment and heartache.
But i mean, he's such a creep! He asked her to stay at his and she said she doesnt have a change of clothes so he went out and bought her all new clothes so she'd stay.
I mean, come on!
Could it be that she just needs some breathing space? Maybe she feels like she could be going into a relationship too soon after the break-up and even if she really likes you (which it sounds like she does) it doesn't automatically follow that she's ready for something more serious. While it might make you feel more confident if she can say it's official - if deep down she's not ready for that then just using the word won't mean that it is actually official in her head. I guess what I'm trying to say in a very round-about way is that I think giving her all the space she needs is key here as in her own words, she needs to realise that "he's shit" if that's the case and getting into a relationship while there's still a question mark over that could be really difficult for both of you.
I know it's really hard to take a step back when you really like someone, but it's as much to protect yourself as it is to help her.
I hate to use the word 'rebound' in this situation, but it might be worth taking a look at TheSite.org's article on it and maybe talking to her more about issues around this than necessarily moving your relationship onto the next level?
Just another perspective, hope it helps a little.