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Dont know what to do - working mum?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
My baby is nearly 10 months, I've just started a new job working in a nursery (one day a week, 8-3.30) the money is good and I really like it!
But now the headteacher has come up to me and gave me new shifts, 3 full days and one half day. This means my baby will have to go to a childminder 2 and a half days a week, cos my mum can have her one full day.
I really dont know what to do, do I say no the hours and live on £60 a week (just doing one day a week) my partner is on good money, but we need to save for holidays, Christmas, and just general saving!
Or do I stay at home with my baby? I want to stay at home, but like I say, £60 a week is not alot. I just feel so guilty for even thinking of leaveing her:crying:
My mum said 'shes not a baby for long' as in...... you have to think of the future, she'll be going to nursery then school in a few years. BUT then I think yeah she's not a baby for long, so why not enjoy her, but then I think I will be enjoying her, I'll be at home one and a half days a week, weekends and evenings. :banghead:
My mum never left me till I was 2, and that was only to do an evening job, so my dad looked after me. My sis never left her kids, she does cleaning on at night. So I feel so guilty, I really really dont want to leave her, but on the other hand I want to go to work and earn some decent cash!
I think I'll feel guilty either way, if I stop at home I'd feel guilty for not working, but if I work I'd feel guilty for working and leaving her
I know lots of mums work, and they work more hours than me and some babies have been in nursery since they was 4 months old. But I always said when I was pregnant I will stop at home with her.
I've got to make a decision. I dont know what to do, I talked to my mum and she do what you want, a childminder is an option etc, I talked to my partner and he said do what you want, we will manage on £60 a week if you dont want to do it.:banghead: :banghead:
Are any of you working mums? What do you think I should do?! I wish someone would just tell me what to do. My grandma died a few months back, and I wonder if she wants me to stop at home? She did with all her 5 kids, I wonder if its a sign:chin:
But now the headteacher has come up to me and gave me new shifts, 3 full days and one half day. This means my baby will have to go to a childminder 2 and a half days a week, cos my mum can have her one full day.
I really dont know what to do, do I say no the hours and live on £60 a week (just doing one day a week) my partner is on good money, but we need to save for holidays, Christmas, and just general saving!
Or do I stay at home with my baby? I want to stay at home, but like I say, £60 a week is not alot. I just feel so guilty for even thinking of leaveing her:crying:
My mum said 'shes not a baby for long' as in...... you have to think of the future, she'll be going to nursery then school in a few years. BUT then I think yeah she's not a baby for long, so why not enjoy her, but then I think I will be enjoying her, I'll be at home one and a half days a week, weekends and evenings. :banghead:
My mum never left me till I was 2, and that was only to do an evening job, so my dad looked after me. My sis never left her kids, she does cleaning on at night. So I feel so guilty, I really really dont want to leave her, but on the other hand I want to go to work and earn some decent cash!
I think I'll feel guilty either way, if I stop at home I'd feel guilty for not working, but if I work I'd feel guilty for working and leaving her
I know lots of mums work, and they work more hours than me and some babies have been in nursery since they was 4 months old. But I always said when I was pregnant I will stop at home with her.
I've got to make a decision. I dont know what to do, I talked to my mum and she do what you want, a childminder is an option etc, I talked to my partner and he said do what you want, we will manage on £60 a week if you dont want to do it.:banghead: :banghead:
Are any of you working mums? What do you think I should do?! I wish someone would just tell me what to do. My grandma died a few months back, and I wonder if she wants me to stop at home? She did with all her 5 kids, I wonder if its a sign:chin:
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Comments
Personally I think 3 and a half days would be quite a good balance between being with your baby and working - it's my situation right now as I like it - but it depends on how you feel... and how you think your daughter will respond to it. I would hazard a guess that it will be no problem for her, but obviously you know her ways, how settled she is and how she copes with time with your mum/other people.
I started working two days a week at around the same point you're at now, and I now work 3.5 days a week as you may soon do yourself (my daughters are almost 19 months now). I've been doing 3.5 since they were 15 months, mainly because it took so long to find childcare we were happy with since we have one delicate little soul and one total feist-machine
That said, from what you say and from my own experience, I'd say that if you don't want to go to work more often than you already do - then it isn't essential. I'm not sure of your personal circumstances, but I would suggest that with some juggling, you probably could afford to continue with the one day a week arrangement. Your partner says so, I don't think he would if he felt that extra was absolutely essential. I get what you're saying about saving up for the luxuries and adding a bit more to the pot, but it sounds as though the time with your child might be more important to you than that. Oh, that came out wrong... I know the time with your child is more important to you than little luxuries, but obviously when you have a family you want to treat them to nice things and great experiences... and feel that you have a little extra financial padding.
I understand all your concerns, and the two-sided argument that manifests from what your mum says. I read that as she was going to continue on to say "she's not a baby for long so spend as much time doting as possible"... I know I felt like that when I had my daughters, and I even remember saying to friends "I'm not going to work now because I'll be working full time for the rest of my life once they're in school"... that then changed to "I'm not going to work more than part time because I'll be working full time etc etc" and I'm not ashamed that my views have changed and - accordingly - my choices about work and my children. Like I said before, if I had felt unhappy working then I would've backtracked and given my notice. You could do the same.
I hope you can manage to make a decision that you find fulfilling. Try not to stress about it, and talk to your boss/partner/mother/potential childcarer again and again and again if it helps you. Sounding everybody out may bore them a little but it helps the natural decision to come to the surface. Sometimes. Good luck with it :thumb:
Is it possible to talk to the headteacher and ask for maybe 2 days instead of 3 and a half. Some sort of compromise?
I just feel its a stupid situation that Im in - going to nursery to look after children, and Im paying for someone to look after mine!
I *think* Im going to ring a childminder and maybe go and see her on Friday and see what Ruby is like - I think she will cry, Im planning on going to the toilet and just sees what she does, I think she'll cry. At this moment in time I think Im only gonna do one or two days, if my boss doesnt like that then tough! She's done all the rotas including me, but I told her I need to sort out my own childcare before I start looking after other kids.
And money isint everything, I think Im probs just being greedy. But I do actually like going to work, Im not saying I dont like stopping at home with Ruby - I love it. But when I've been to work, I feel better for it, if that makes sense
What care have you got for your girls?
Suzy - I think Im gonna do that, they will probs say its all or nothing, but I'll have a word.
Wyetry - The nursery is verry full or she could come with me now, she did come in one afternoon when my mm couldnt have her and she just cried all the time.
I have just become a full time dad, giving up 25k a year hurts, but the missus earns more, and it came down to the fact she did not want to put him into care, well not yet as he is only 7 months old.
anyway the thing here to note is, do not go to toilet waiting to hear a cry, it will tug your heart strings, simply go, they will calm down, it may take a while but they will.
you will often hear stories of kids who simply wont be left, it is simply put that happens b/c the carer would not be doing their job properly.
my wife worked at a nursery for 4 years, that is why she does not want that, she alsways mused that why is it when parents look for childcare they always go for the cheapest possible, you are dealing with the most precious thinkg in your like, and she said the first question always was "how much".
but that is me digressing.
you have to do what you feel happy to, you should be very grateful you have the choice, there are million of familes who simply cant afford for a parent not o be at work...
From the minute we got in the kitchen I made my mind up, she is not going there! I went and put her bag in the car before we went and I heard her cry from the street:crying:
I still dont know what to do.... one thing, she aint going there!