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Question about my relationship...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
About a month ago I broke up with my boyfriend. I'll admit that I do have feelings for him, but I moved away from my hometown to university, and that's when we started having problems. To shorten the story, we weren't communicating due to the distance and schedules, and we'd continually have circular arguments about communication. That continued for about 3 months, so I decided to break up with him.
After this breakup, my ex then decided to start communicating by calling me, texting, etc. It was definitely a change, and I was surprised. According to him, he's been very sick, and has been blaming me on not caring about him. He told me he was in the ER for hives. I only knew he was there once, but he conveniently left out that he was at the ER 3 times in one week. Then he throws things in my face like, "you don't care about me." Believe me, I've tried caring, but how can I if I don't know all the details? If someone just tells me that they are sick, I think my instinct is to sympathize a bit and assume it's a cold or something.
In addition, my ex keeps persisting on the idea that he wants to get back together. He blames me in the fact that I never gave him a second chance to act better (I did, when we got in a fight and I almost broke up with him for the communication issue). It's almost like he's pressuring me into getting back with him.
Here's where it gets complicated. I met this guy from university here who is interested in me. We've been hanging out quite a bit, and people already think we've been dating. I do like him, we have similar interests and we get along well. We've kissed, but nothing is really 'official'. And aside from that, he talks to me everyday, and I don't feel ignored. The only thing that bugs me is he has a tendency to bring up his ex (who he has been broken up with for at least 6 months) in a very positive light. It hurts a little bit when he does this, as we'll be laughing about something, and he'll say something about her, (my ex used to do that too! type thing) and I'll have no idea how to respond. I do appreciate people's respect towards their ex's, but sometimes it can be a killer of a moment, if you know what I mean?
I suppose this whole post goes to the question, should I give my ex another chance to improve on communication? Or should I give the other guy a chance? I still do care for my ex, and I won't deny that, but I guess I was so frustrated with the relationship, that at this point my mind is in a bind with much confusion.
Thank you for reading this, any advice is much appreciated
After this breakup, my ex then decided to start communicating by calling me, texting, etc. It was definitely a change, and I was surprised. According to him, he's been very sick, and has been blaming me on not caring about him. He told me he was in the ER for hives. I only knew he was there once, but he conveniently left out that he was at the ER 3 times in one week. Then he throws things in my face like, "you don't care about me." Believe me, I've tried caring, but how can I if I don't know all the details? If someone just tells me that they are sick, I think my instinct is to sympathize a bit and assume it's a cold or something.
In addition, my ex keeps persisting on the idea that he wants to get back together. He blames me in the fact that I never gave him a second chance to act better (I did, when we got in a fight and I almost broke up with him for the communication issue). It's almost like he's pressuring me into getting back with him.
Here's where it gets complicated. I met this guy from university here who is interested in me. We've been hanging out quite a bit, and people already think we've been dating. I do like him, we have similar interests and we get along well. We've kissed, but nothing is really 'official'. And aside from that, he talks to me everyday, and I don't feel ignored. The only thing that bugs me is he has a tendency to bring up his ex (who he has been broken up with for at least 6 months) in a very positive light. It hurts a little bit when he does this, as we'll be laughing about something, and he'll say something about her, (my ex used to do that too! type thing) and I'll have no idea how to respond. I do appreciate people's respect towards their ex's, but sometimes it can be a killer of a moment, if you know what I mean?
I suppose this whole post goes to the question, should I give my ex another chance to improve on communication? Or should I give the other guy a chance? I still do care for my ex, and I won't deny that, but I guess I was so frustrated with the relationship, that at this point my mind is in a bind with much confusion.
Thank you for reading this, any advice is much appreciated
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Comments
This new guy sounds cool. He probably isn't over his ex, which is a problem and I would encourage you to take things slowly with him, which is what it sounds like you've been doing. Take the next few encounters as a litmus test of his feelings for you. Tell him you are interested in him but worried about committing right now. He may confide similarly or ask you why, either way it is a gateway into discussing his last relationship and how his bringing up his ex makes you feel. This will also allow him to more decidedly focus on you as a potential mate rather than a friend. You'll better be able to judge his personality and affection and can make a decision from there.
Hope that helped! Cheers!