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Nervous breakdown?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Health & Wellbeing
I think I may be having a nervous breakdown. I'm 19 and recently lost my job which I only had for a month and two months before lost my previous job aswel.
I've been trying two find work frantically because I'm also in debt and close to having the bailifs knocking at the door.
Last night I saw that because of charges I'm overdrawn again and I lost the plot and threw the computer and went to bed.

I'm becoming ever more concerned about it now and I dont know what to do.
Anyone have any idea?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm 21, just had a turbulant relationship, found myself out of work, with no money..... I don't think I'm that much different from you right now.

    I have to say that I have of late found myself becoming increaingly violent and confrontational, to a much greater extent than what I was this time last year. I've never acutally attacked anyone, but I do find myself hitting inanimate object and shouting and swaering frequently when I get angry or upset.

    For example, when I had a serious row with my girlfriend over money (she was ok spending all of mine, and yet she thought that wasn't enough), I took the counterfeit TAG watch she bought me in Turkey and threw it at a wall, and watched it shatter into at least a thousand pieces. So if anyone wants a fake Tag watch, it's near the train station in Leeds.... yeha, I threw it in public, that's right, a public wobbly, but I think I was just so angry that I was temporarily unaware of my settings, as it was something that I'd never done before.

    I have always had a bit of a temper, but nothing like that until recently.

    I've argued a lot with people close to me; My friends on occasion, my family.... I've had some nasty confrontations with them, which I totally regret.

    I'm sorta hoping now that I've got out of that relationship, things will improve. otherwise, have I got to the stage of a nervous breakdown or am I just naturally bad tempered when things go tits up?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've had several nervous breakdowns and none of them have been pretty and i always think "shit, how much lower can i sink!". I'm not gonna lie and say i'm past all that because i'm not. I have a depressive personality and i seem to live, breathe, eat, sleep and drink depression. But while i'm not over it, i do know that i'm not at my worst stage right now. I won't go into it in depth as i'm currently in a violent, agitated and irritable mood and even typing is pissing me off. I keep thinking to myself "can't your hands go any fucking faster you time-wasting, good-for-nothing loser!". That's a general way of thinking for me and actually, despite my aggressive state, that's me being kind to myself.

    Everyone's different as i'm sure we all know and get constantly reminded about. Some people come out of it with the help of friends and family. I don't have that. Some people kill themselves - an option that has been ever so tempting to me for the past 4 years. I've tried therapy, antidepressants and ugh, talking - something i never thought i'd do. I can tell you now that because of it, i am a much angrier person and i hate psychiatrists. I hope that if you do go down the road of theraory/psychiatry you get a good one. I remember crying my eyes out, breaking down in front of my psychiatrist and a student who was observing and i said "look, i need something stronger than what i'm on... i wanna fucking kill myself!"

    I was told: "the antidepressant you're on is strong enough." He didn't listen to me. I poured my heart out and he waved it aside. I can remember how lonely i felt and i wanted to scream and curse at everything and everyone. And everytime someone said something patronizing like "oh you won't feel like this forever" or "talking helps" or "oh, you haven't given your medication enough time to work" i wanted to deck 'em in the face and tell them to piss off.

    That's me though. I'm inconsolable and push everyone way and talking doesn't help me. Instead it makes me feel like a little kid. I wish it did, but because of the hatred i feel inside and not wanting anyone else to feel like that, i truly do, from the bottom of my heart, hope you come out of it. Don't end up where i am. Angry, alone, depressed, suicidal and ungrateful. I'm a bastard when i'm good and a c*** on a really bad day. I feel like a monster most days. If there's help for you - take it by the horns, seriously...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hi, i hope that you aren;t going through a nervous breakdown... i would suggest talking to the samaritans and seeking advice from whatever companies or friends you have around you (samaritans can't give advice, they just listen and talk it through). try to get out of the situations and depressing emotions while you still have some control.. i know it is much easier said than done, but who knows it may happen.
    sorry can't be more help.
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