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I've fallen in love with my best friend.
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
He is wonderful. caring. funny. sensative. cool AND adorable. makes me feel like the most beautiful and important woman on the planet. Oh yeah, and he's totally into me too. We joke about being together forever and having little brassknuckles.
So whats the problem right? Well, that would be his live-in girlfriend. they have been together forever and a day. A situation which is dysfunctional, and has been for some time. But he cant (or wont?) end it.
It's come to this: my heart beats and breaks for him. everytime he goes home to her, I feel as tho someone has launched a missle straight into my gut.
My unhappiness with the situation is increasing. I've tried to gain space from him to squash these feelings, so at least we can remain friends. It doesnt work, the distance it seems, upsets him and he reels me back in. Effectively bringing us closer together and intesifying the feelings. I've even had serious relationships, which I would have to end because of my feelings for him.
I can't stay and he can't go. So I wonder what now? I'm having a really really hard time moving on. Something historically, I've never ever had a problem doing.
I won't deny that there is a part of me that thinks he's full of crap when he tells me he loves me. Because, in my rational, logical mind, if he did love me then I wouldnt be here bearing my soul to complete strangers, I would be where he is right now.
Thanks for reading this... I'd appreciate any sort of feedback. Questions are welcome.
Off to drown my sorrows in a pint and a shot!
Cheers!
B.B.K
So whats the problem right? Well, that would be his live-in girlfriend. they have been together forever and a day. A situation which is dysfunctional, and has been for some time. But he cant (or wont?) end it.
It's come to this: my heart beats and breaks for him. everytime he goes home to her, I feel as tho someone has launched a missle straight into my gut.
My unhappiness with the situation is increasing. I've tried to gain space from him to squash these feelings, so at least we can remain friends. It doesnt work, the distance it seems, upsets him and he reels me back in. Effectively bringing us closer together and intesifying the feelings. I've even had serious relationships, which I would have to end because of my feelings for him.
I can't stay and he can't go. So I wonder what now? I'm having a really really hard time moving on. Something historically, I've never ever had a problem doing.
I won't deny that there is a part of me that thinks he's full of crap when he tells me he loves me. Because, in my rational, logical mind, if he did love me then I wouldnt be here bearing my soul to complete strangers, I would be where he is right now.
Thanks for reading this... I'd appreciate any sort of feedback. Questions are welcome.
Off to drown my sorrows in a pint and a shot!
Cheers!
B.B.K
0
Comments
I would suggest you break contact with him and don't try to be friends. You know yourself that you're far too into him for it to be a viable option as it is and every time you get in touch with him it just opens the wound again. Of course the distance upsets him, it's a very cozy lifestyle for him where he has set up a scene where he doesn't have to choose between you and his girlfriend.
Then there's the rather scary thought that IF he decided to get rid of his current girl, what's to stop him doing the same to you that he's doing to her?
Hey girl I know where you are coming from!
I have tried to distance myself from my best friend so many times but as they say what's that thing that makes the heart grow fonder.... or something like that?
I bet you feel that you wish you had never met them sometimes?
I bet sometimes you talk yourself into being brave enough to make the break and when it comes to it you can't?
I bet you even feel bitter sometimes?
I bet they can make you cry just as much a they can make you laugh?
I bet, I bet......
I not sure I even know what I feel any more my mood changes almost by the second and hey here's a laugh I thought it would be a good idea to spill my heart to her last week which resulted in the inevitable car crash! But hey better to have said than said nothing at all??? Apparently she thinks things will be fine between us, I'm not so sure.
I wish I could just loose this feeling in my stomach.
I wish I could stop the tears welling in my eyes.
I wish we could go back to being just good friends.
I wish I could get a decent nights sleep.
I wish I could turn my mind off!
I wish, I wish......
I wish I could give you a clue as to what you can do but hey look on the brightside I'm just as screwed as you are by the sounds of it.
If you find the answer let me know eh?:thumb:
Hi Bettybrassknuckles - welcome to the board! :wave:
You're in a really tough situation and I can totally understand where you're coming from.
The thing is no-one knows how strongly you feel and his feelings so its difficult to give you advice about what to do. If you put your foot down and tell him to end it with her, you have to be prepared to follow through with withdrawing from him if he doesn't do it - quite hard to do.
However, if you carry on with how things are, from the sounds of it you're not going to be happy and you should be able to have a relationship with someone else if he's not willing to become your boyfriend. He can't expect you to stay single whilst he's in a relationship with someone else.
I think it would probably be a good idea to figure out what you want. Take a step back from it all, write it all down or try to put in perspective how you feel.
If what you want is him and you're willing to risk the friendship and tell him how you feel then go for it. But if not, maybe pull back for a while, don't be at his beck and call, go out with other people, stay busy but away from him and if he's 'upset' then that is his issue, not yours. You can always make it clear that you'd come back as his girlfriend but you're not willing to share.
Take a look at this advice link which is all about falling for your best friend.
Good luck - let us know how things go.
Lisa
Thanks to everyone! I appreciate the advice and the validation.
I have an update:
We had a major blow out, which resulted in me telling him that I hated him for not doing anything about us and that I felt like he was a liar when he told me that he loved me. Words he did not take lightly, and resulted in him immediately getting pissed.
See, I was mean for a reason. Not a very good reason, but still. I knew that if I was mean enough to him then, he'd leave me alone. What else was I going to do? My last attempts of breaking away from him (nicely) were unsuccessful.
It reminds me of an old sitcom where a kid finds an injured bird and nurses it back to health. When its healed the kid tries to release it back into the wild, but the bird is confused and comes back, and the kid has to throw rocks at it in order to send a signal to bird to go away. He's lucky I didnt have any rocks.
Well, it's worked, as I have not heard from him AT ALL. I have mixed feelings about this, but mostly relief as now I feel like I can move on from him and find someone who's worthy of the love I have to give. I have small pangs of guilt but they quickly go away. I dont ever want to hurt people, its just not in my nature.
Jaloux: you are right. I've thought about your point often. I've always said, if he does it with me then he'd do it to me. He lies to her, why wouldnt he lie to me, right? I'd be a fool to think I was immune to his bs.
Lostmikey: I know all about not being able to sleep! I've been sipping Nyquil martini's for the past few months, which has resulted in a very pretty rash... :crazyeyes and I have a hard time shutting my mind off as well. All I can say, is that maybe I didnt go about this right, but I have no regrets. I've lost my best friend, the first person I'd call when my car broke down, the first person I spoke to in the morning. The only person who understands my love for The Office and shared my love for the music band Queen. But I will only miss him until the next one comes along, and you will too!
Hi Lisa, thanks for the welcome! I actually did read the article, and that's what prompted me to make a post. This situation is a little untraditional, because its apparent to anyone who looks at us that we love each other, even our circle of friends says it. We go places and people ask us how long we've been married.
We'll see what happens...
BBK