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Jealousy and Anger problems
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok so I've recently discovered I'm a very jealous person. I get jealous over really stupid things like my girlfriend getting too close to people, the way she sometimes speaks to people and when guys come on to her in bars. I know I have nothing to worry about, but I still get these feelings of jealousy.
I find it very hard to trust people 100% but I know she'd never do anything like that to me, but I still get so fucking jealous and pissed off all the time. I think it comes from my own inner insecurity and paranoia.
This leads to my next problem - anger. I can be a very nasty person when I get angry. I'm usually very calm and chilled out, I bottle alot of anger up inside and then I take it out on those who are close to me, like my family and my girlfriend.
Sometimes my anger towards my girlfriend come from the jealousy, and sometimes we'll just be having an argument about something else - and I completely over-react, I get way out of control. I just see red and turn into someone I don't like to be... it's very hard to control myself in this state. As soon as I've had my out-burst and said what I wanted to say, I feel better. Then I think about it more, and sometimes I know straight away that I was out of order.
Why am I like this? How can I change it?
I find it very hard to trust people 100% but I know she'd never do anything like that to me, but I still get so fucking jealous and pissed off all the time. I think it comes from my own inner insecurity and paranoia.
This leads to my next problem - anger. I can be a very nasty person when I get angry. I'm usually very calm and chilled out, I bottle alot of anger up inside and then I take it out on those who are close to me, like my family and my girlfriend.
Sometimes my anger towards my girlfriend come from the jealousy, and sometimes we'll just be having an argument about something else - and I completely over-react, I get way out of control. I just see red and turn into someone I don't like to be... it's very hard to control myself in this state. As soon as I've had my out-burst and said what I wanted to say, I feel better. Then I think about it more, and sometimes I know straight away that I was out of order.
Why am I like this? How can I change it?
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Comments
Forgive me if I'm wrong man, but did you move over to Oz to be with your girlfriend at the moment? I'm wondering if you've always been like this or if being so far away and being dependent, to some degree, on the relationship is making things worse than they would normally be. Sorry if that's way of the mark but thought it might be worth considering.
As to bottling your anger and then suddenly letting it all spill out about something else - this sounds pretty common, some people have trouble expressing their anger when they are angry, so they bottle up those feelings. This can be especially true if they don't want to be angry with people they don't trust or aren't close to.
You'll then find yourself releasing all that anger suddenly with someone who is close to you because you might think it's both safer to express it then and because you'll finally reached your boiling point.
In my experience that shouldn't be something that's difficult to change - often it's about learning to deal with how you feel appropriately - so being able to recognise things you are okay to be angry about and expressing them at the time and recognising what is your issues making you angry.
You might want to take a look at some info on controlling anger and anger management.
If any of it rings true then have a look around at what help there is in your local area to deal with the issues. Best of luck though man, anger is actually one of those things you might find it's not that difficult to change once you start, and you'll hopefully see big results pretty quickly.
I think I've always been a bit like this, I've noticed it get worse over the last couple of years. But you're right, moving to Australia, living away from my parents for the first time and not having any friends of my own out here probably does make it worse.
Sometimes I'll do really well, and even if I feel angry as fuck, I won't take it out on her and we'll have a week or 2 when it's perfect. But then it just happens again. Even when things are good though, it doesn't stop my insane jealousy.
Another issue is we always have to plan for the future in this relationship instead of taking things as they come. If I want to come back to Australia for permanant residency in a couple of years time, I have to show all this proof that we've been living together in a financially and emotionally stable relationship for the last year or something.
So we're always thinking about that, collecting proof, bank statements e.t.c, making sure we're doing things correctly so we're eligible for the de-facto visa e.t.c when we really should be focusing on us and enjoying ourselves.
But if we don't plan ahead at all, then if it comes to it and we're still together but haven't lived by the rules of the visa...then we're fucked.
We are very happy and in love with eachother most of the time though:) Just a few problems which need sortinf out if you know what I mean.
If it is coming in a pattern then you need to look at that together and discuss it as openly as possible.
Her hearing from you that it is a side of you you dont like will mean a lot, and if she sees you trying to change it then that will help.
As for the bursts of anger, is there something you could do at that specific moment, perhaps going for a 10 minute walk?
Failing that get a punch bag and kick the shit out of it. Works a treat :thumb:
Obviously I don't do it this bad when she's around.
If you get me?