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What's the difference between love and infatution?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
How do you know when you do love someone? And don't say, you JUST KNOW. I need a better explanation.
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I knew this because all the girls i liked, i didn't actually know: i didn't know even the silliest little things like what their favourite lesson was and i'd barely held a conversation with them. The first girl i ever "loved", was when i was 12... need i say more? I thought she was my Juliet and at the time, i thought she was sex on legs. I longed for her so much and the feeling, looking back, was fucking awful and disturbing. I mean i barely knew her yet i could barely sleep a wink over her. Eventually - although it seemed like an eternity - i got over her and i remember when i was like 15, i looked at her once (she used to bunk a hell of a lot) and thought "jesus fucking christ... i thought that this girl was sex on legs? Eyuuuck!"
By the age of 15 there were 2 other girls i was "in love with" at school and about 3 that were away from all of that. Again, i barely knew any of them and one of them i only liked because she fancied the pants of me for some unknown reason - i'm certainly not blessed in the looks department. I guess i liked being liked and i was in love with that, not her. It wasn't a pleasant time... being young and dumb and thinking that every girl i met was my earth. Had it not been for the fact that so many other people have had similar experiences, i wouldn't be telling you all this as it's embarrasing at at the time i felt like a stalker because i acted like one. I'd even find out what lessons they had and convieniently make it out like i just happened to stumble past them as they were either going in, or coming out from their lessons... even if my lesson was situated at the other side of the school!!!
I've matured somewhat since then and there have been people who i thought i loved - hell, one of them i think i came close to loving and i told her i loved her. She was someone who i've known for the past 5 years of my life and we became so close, sharing so many things. If things had been different, i reckon she would have been the one (i won't go into it but we're still mates). There was another person who i cared for so, so much and in my own way i loved her. She wasn't right for me, that's for sure but i wanted to protect her and be the one she needed when she was ever down. Unfortunately, she never looked at me that way and never will. Like i said, she wasn't right for me so even if i was the apple of her eyes, it would have never been a great relationship but the difference between her and my previous "loves" was that i knew her well. we spoke, we shared things and i knew all those dumb little things that i actually find really important, like her favourite lesson or colour.
I struggle to say that i have been in love because i'm always constantly asking myself: is it love or just infatuation??? My problem is that if i ever actually did fall in love, i'd probably fool myself into thinking it was nothing but lust and longing. each individual is different - what love is to you is a personal matter. the truth is you're always gonna find people asking what love is and what infatuation is. I hate to say it, but yeah, i have been in love. Once or twice, i can't decide. It fucking kills when you know someone doesn't love you back - and i'm in a position where one of the girls i loved - the one who's just my mate - still probably holds that candle for me... i never thought i'd stop loving her like i did, but i do. that bond we held, that promise - that conncection like we were one person and not two isn't there. The fact that it was makes me face up to the fact that i did love her, and my heart felt whole when i did. I felt complete and as badly as i lusted over those other girls in my early teens, i NEVER felt like that, not really.
Like i said, it's a personal thing. I have to sum love up like this for my own personal well-being:
If i'm thinking with my c**k, it's lust
If i'm thinking with my heart it's love.
Sometimes the two become intertwined, but the older i get and the colder my heart grows, the easier it is to separate the two. everyone's different. To some, love is power and abuse so who's to say what's what?
I think we place the meaning to relationships out of our own free will and responsibility. When we choose to be in love, we are in love.
I *did* just know when I was 13. And then I truly *did* just know when I was 15, and I also knew I was wrong the previous time. And afterwards, I definitely *did* just know when I was 17, and again I knew I had been wrong the previous time (presently, I'm not sure about this time). Each of these times it was something "stronger" that just made me see the previous thing in a very different light.
My point is that even if you *do* just know, there could always be something bigger in the future that will make you realise you were wrong, and there's no way to tell until (if) it does.
I have been in love three times
Unless you can see the future, till the end of your life even, you can't know that there isn't a point where you'll realise you've been wrong.
Does that mean there's no such thing as unrequited love then?
Although you make a very good point I think ultimately people have to make up their own minds whether they're in love or not because it's such a hugely personal thing. It seems unlikely that someone whose not actually in a relationship with the person can have that level of feelings but then again I don't doubt there are some that do.
In my experience unrequited love is usually stalking
edit:- not that i have been doing any stalking
Does that negate what i felt? No!
well they sure can feel like each other at times, because maybe they are the same thing or at least can breed and breath off each other. to much of a good thing can be a bad thing!
There are some feelings we have when infatuated that we don’t have when we’re feeling love. Some of the “symptoms” of infatuation are; feelings of panic, uncertainty, overpowering lust, feverish excitement, impatience, and/or jealously.
When infatuated, we are thrilled, but not happy, wanting to trust, yet suspicious. There are lingering, nagging doubts about our “partner in infatuation” and their love for us. We’re miserable when they’re away, almost like we’re not complete unless we’re with them. It’s a rush and it’s intense. It’s difficult to concentrate. And most infatuation relationships have a high degree of sexual charge around them. Somehow being with them is not complete unless in ends in some type of sexual encounter.
Do any of these “symptoms” resemble feelings of love? Hardly. So why do we become infatuated? Where does it come from? Perhaps it’s biological.
When infatuated we experience a surge of dopamine that rushes through the brain causing us to feel good. Norepinephrine flows through the brain stimulating production of adrenaline (pounding heart). Phenylethalimine (found in chocolate) creates a feeling of bliss. Irrational romantic sentiments may be caused by oxytocin, a primary sexual arousal hormone that signals orgasm and feelings of emotional attachment. Together these chemicals sometimes override the brain activity that governs logic.
The body can build up tolerances to these chemicals so it takes more of the substance to get that special feeling of infatuation. People who jump from relationship to relationship may be craving the intoxicating effects of these substances and may be “infatuation junkies”.
When the chemical flood dries up, the relationship either moves into a loving romantic one or there is disillusionment, and the relationship ends.
I think you can fall in love many time's over. let it be a learning experience for everytime your heart breaks and rips, give it time to scar and heal, very important! work with rebounds but trust me dont be sneaky about things as it will only bite you in the bum. remeber karma? what goes around comes around i have found to be quite true. although im sure you will personaly witness it at one point in your life, anyway.
bring the qualities to your next relationship and work on the things about your personal self that you yourself found unattractive now you look back, maybe jealousy? control? or being to weak and controlled. well its a funny game and nobody can give you the answers you have to find them.
good luck on life everyone remeber its easier to love than to hate lol or is it?
man, shame that you are gay. You've got all those secrets figured out already
but on that same note, i've been so infatuated with people in the past the line starts to blur, and its like something has completely taken over you, and you think that you're in love and no matter what that person does, you still desperatly want to be with them. Not good, and leads to crap.
but i think its the desperation which makes the difference between being in love and infatuated. if you are desperate to always be in contact, to always be with them...then maybe its not love...but if you really apreciate the times you have together, but still miss them (again remember the desperation here) without going loop de fucking loop when they aren't around and you haven't been able to get hold of them all day then that likely to be love...
tegan...you are SO fucking missing out. Theres nothing like cuddle sex!