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Friend with anxiety, what would you think?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Health & Wellbeing
I'm at uni, just starting second year, so already have a good group of mates and know the place well. Towards the end of last year and over the summer I started suffering really badly from anxiety, mainly about stuff to do with food and the idea of being sick. I've kinda had it all my life, but it got particularly bad towards the end of first year.

ANYWAY, because it was so bad I finally wanted to do something about it, so have seen a doctor at home, doctor at uni, consellor at uni, etc and hopefully something's going to happen. But the hardest bit has been letting my friends know. I feel like I can't exactly say that I get majorly panicked about the idea of being sick, or being somewhere in which I have no access to a toilet or something to be sick in. I've mention to one of them that I have problems with anxiety because she asked where I had been when I went to the doctors. But I'm supposed to be in a seminar now, but decided to not go at the last minute because I felt so sick and was terrified I'd be sick in the seminar. Now I'm home of course I feel 10 times better, because I've avoided the feared situation and all that. But I don't how much to tell my friends.

I suppose the whole point of this post is, if a friend of yours who seemed fine before, said they suffered from anxiety what would you think? And then if they said the were actually really scared of the idea of being sick, especially in a situation where it is not socially acceptable to be, what would you think? And that they thought they felt sick nearly all the time, just because they're so scared of it?

Be honest, I reckon I'd think they were pretty odd! I don't have to tell my friends, but I really don't want to lie because it becomes so hard to keep it up. I talk about this problem so much with my parents, and have relayed to so many doctors/counsellors recently, that I've kind of lost a perspective about what it actually sounds like to a person.

Sorry this post is so long!

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wouldn't thhhink they were particularly odd, how many people have strange phobias? Loads is the answer. ~The friends you're worried about telling probably have their own little 'weird' things too. You should just tell them, you'll probably be suprised by the response, you opening up will probably give them an avenue into telling you their 'thing' too.

    x
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    C FunkC Funk Deactivated Posts: 163 Helping Hand
    Hey innocent_kate,

    Like katralla said, everyone has their own little quirks (probably not the best word) and I wouldn't neccessarily say that you need to tell them if you feel uncomfortable about it. If any of them do ask why you're acting differently then explain how you sometimes have anxiety problems.

    At the end of the day your true friends will accept and support you whatever problems you may have and if they don't then they're not worth your time.

    Also, it might be worth exploring hypnotherapy as a way to control your anxiety.

    :thumb:
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    **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Hi Kate,

    It's really great to hear you've reached out for help with your anxiety - and also good to hear you have made some good friends at uni.

    I did actually have a friend who had some very similar problems at uni and it did prevent her from getting close to people. However, she confided in me in our second year and I'm so glad she felt able to because we became a lot closer in that year and I never ever thought of her as odd - infact I thought she was really brave and really looked up to her in a lot of ways. I think she found it a real strain to trust people, but socialising and doing stuff together was immediately easier when I knew about her situation because it meant she didn't have to worry about us putting undue pressure on her, or having to make excuses for things - if she wanted some space, or didn't fancy doing something then automatically we understood.

    If you do decide to confide in people, you could just tell a select couple of people first to see how they respond and then get their support in telling others if you feel able to. Small steps I guess.

    Good luck - and remember it's true what C_Funk says - it is these kind of things that allow you to find out who your closest friends are. :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I am just like you, and I used to keep it all to myself, and bottle it up, and it tore me to pieces.

    I don't announce it to all and sundry now, but if anyone asks, I tell them, just the basics, you know, and you would be AMAZED how many people either say 'oh yeah, I'm just like that', or they will know someone with a sick phobia or food issues, and 99% of people totally understand. The other 1% tend to be twats anyway.

    My hubby (!) knows more of the details, and although he doesn't really get it (he's quite pukey - he's my therapy!) I can't begin to describe the relief of having someone know why you're acting like a crackpot, and try to understand, and be there for you. I'd recommend it :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've had a bit of anxiety through my teens and even now sometimes so if someone else told me they suffered from some sort of anxiety too it would probably actually make me feel better, cos it makes me feel stupid and weak cos I can't face stupid things :(. Knowing that other people have it and can deal with it gives you some kind of secret strength which can be really helpful.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just wanted to say I have the same thing. I've avoided lectures in the past because I thought I felt a bit dodgy when it was just nerves. My anxiety about being sick centres more so around lectures than seminars and there has been one occassion after a lecture where I had a panic attack (but sat through it because I felt trapped and too embarassed to leave) where I went to the nurse and just sat in the room talking to her. She even gave me a cup of tea and was telling me how common it is and that most people sit near the back of the lecture hall so that they can leave if they wanted to. So yeah just wanted to say how common it is really :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey innocent_kate, I know how you feel. I've had severe anxiety for a long time, and recently I've been feeling sick and wound up at uni (like I used to feel at school), like everything is being twisted inside. The other day I felt quite bad and went home, missing a seminar. I'm not sure what advice to give you, because to be honest the advice i have been given has not really worked for me at the more pressured moments. The only thing that does tend to work is going for a walk to try and rid myself of the excess adrenalin. That way I feel a bit calmer before entering the lecture room. Perhaps this could work for you? Or talk to your friends about a different subject to take your mind of it. Hope this helps, sorry I can't be of more use.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    When I was in 6th form, I was suffering particularly badly from social anxiety. I ended up having private hypnotherapy and CBT, which has actually changed my life. The 'friends' I had at the time, wouldn't accept that I had a problem and they forever told me to suck it up and get on with it like everyone else.

    I removed these people from my life and 4 years later, I have a new group of friends who love me for who I am. They know I can't walk into a pub or club on my own, so will always come outside to meet me when I get there. They're real friends who know me and accept me and I couldn't cope without them.

    Once you find a group of people who do care, who are supportive, it's great and totally worth waiting for.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm exactly the same, i can feel it sort of creeping up on my now i'm at uni because it's a new environment and everything and i don't have the security of home and having someone to look after me when i'm ill. But luckily my flat is just on the other side of the car park so it literally takes me a minute to get to the main building. And there aren't any lecture halls, just big classrooms and labs downstairs. So it's quite small and intimate.
    But this freshers week, im on a campus in the country so we have to get the bus everywhere and i get really travel sick if i'm not sat near the front and able to see where i'm going, and that gets me anxious. And not having acess to a loo really freaks me out when im feeling ill too, having IBS doesn't help either, and then stress makes it worse. And i have a huge phobia of vomiting. I'm thinking about maybe getting some therapy for it. Might pop into my new doctors once i've registered.
    I'm not much use sorry, just wanted you to know you're not alone *hugs*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've had hypontherapy for stuff last year and IT REALLY HELPED, I'm now on waiting list for NHS CBT so I'm hoping that will help just as much only wihtout the massive bill at the end. Another thing that's helped me is learing some breathing techniques that people use to meditate, there are free classes at my uni... maybe you could try that?

    All my close friends have a 'thing', I don't think Ic ould be really good friends with someone who didn't as I just don't feel they'd 'get' me. Like someone said above, you know who your true friends are when they try to understand and accept you in full knowledge of whatever your 'thing' is.
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