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In need of advice please.
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi, I'm new here and after quite a few months of feeling very unhappy decided it would be best to actually join the forum and ask for advice.
I'm 19, I'm in a relationship (been together 7 months) and am completely in love with my boyfriend. We were best friends before we entered into a relationship and therefore really comfortable with each other.
My problem is this:
I am a virgin, I'm Catholic and I'm also a complete worrier.
I know it's the usual 'am I ready to have sex scenario', but it really makes me upset. I am annoyed at myself for feeling so insecure that I cannot have sex with the person I am in love with. Our relationship is great apart from this, and he doesn't even mind that I don't want to have sex right now. He said he'll happily wait. The problem is this psychological war that I have with myself whenever I begin to think about it. I know that my religion plays a part in making me feel guilty about having a sexual relationship, and I do want to be as good a Catholic as I can. As I also mentioned, I am a complete worrier. I am on the pill and I know he would use condoms, but pregnancy really puts me off.
As you can see, I am just a bundle of nerves. I sometimes makes myself really upset just thinking about it.
I was just wondering if anyone could maybe relate to this and offer me some advice. I seem to be going round in circles and I know that maybe someone could perhaps make me feel a bit better.
Sorry this was such a long post but I needed to confide.
Thankyou for reading
I'm 19, I'm in a relationship (been together 7 months) and am completely in love with my boyfriend. We were best friends before we entered into a relationship and therefore really comfortable with each other.
My problem is this:
I am a virgin, I'm Catholic and I'm also a complete worrier.
I know it's the usual 'am I ready to have sex scenario', but it really makes me upset. I am annoyed at myself for feeling so insecure that I cannot have sex with the person I am in love with. Our relationship is great apart from this, and he doesn't even mind that I don't want to have sex right now. He said he'll happily wait. The problem is this psychological war that I have with myself whenever I begin to think about it. I know that my religion plays a part in making me feel guilty about having a sexual relationship, and I do want to be as good a Catholic as I can. As I also mentioned, I am a complete worrier. I am on the pill and I know he would use condoms, but pregnancy really puts me off.
As you can see, I am just a bundle of nerves. I sometimes makes myself really upset just thinking about it.
I was just wondering if anyone could maybe relate to this and offer me some advice. I seem to be going round in circles and I know that maybe someone could perhaps make me feel a bit better.
Sorry this was such a long post but I needed to confide.
Thankyou for reading
0
Comments
Firstly I would say that if you are on the pill and plan on using condoms then you have very little to worry about with regards to pregnancy as you can't get much more protected (although I'm sure you already know this!).
Secondly, only *you* can make the decision whether to have sex or not and know when you feel ready. I can understand it must be really difficult when you have a strong religious background, but you have to be 100% clear in your own mind before you enter into anything.
I'm an atheist so I can't relate completely, but my view is that you are considering having sex in the context of a serious, loving relationship, with someone you know well and plan to have a future with; it isn't just a casual encounter with a random person or anything like that. There are so many different interpretations of the bible, even amongst people of the same denomination, and although the traditional view may be that pre-marital sex or sex for any reason other than procreation is wrong, there are many people around the world (including many who consider themselves Catholic) who don't necessarily agree with the traditional line. YOU know how you feel about your partner and your relationship; we just don't live in a society anymore where people do have to marry young, or where sex before marriage is such a taboo, so it is up to you to decide what you feel comfortable with, emotionally and psychologically.
I assume you are still a practicing Catholic, or at least do believe in God and this isn't just some residual Catholic guilt from your upbringing? The important thing I think (and this is just my opinion) is that your relationship with God is an entirely personal thing, between you and the big guy; God is all loving and understands your thoughts, feelings and motivations, he knows that whatever decision you come to you will have spent a long time considering all options and it isn't just a casual giving in to temptation. Unfortunately for many people moral issues just aren't clear cut, and there isn't any clear guidance, even in religious texts. It is up to you to take what you know about yourself and your relationship with your boyfriend, and decide what action to take and what the consequences are going to be for you personally and for the relationship in the long term.
Sorry I can't really be any more help than this, ultimately it is such a personal decision that only you can make. My advice would be just to try and get things clear in your own mind, perhaps try and talk to other people within the religious community who share some of the beliefs you do or who have a similar background and see what their thoughts are on the issue? But at the end of the day, just keep in mind the choice is your own and you can still be a good person and strive to be a good Catholic even if you don't adhere strictly to Catholic doctrine all the time; we are only human and can only make our choices on how we feel and the information and guidance we have available to us.
But it's down to you how you interpret your religion. In the meantime focus on the good things that you don't feel stressed about in your relationship - then you will have a more positive outlook on things in general and this issue will seem like a smaller problem