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Only seen as rship material, not fun/fling!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm sure many have the opposite problem. I'm just curious what it is about me that always gives off this vibe -
Quite a few times recently when I've expressed interest in a girl, they have genuinely / sincerely said that they do really like me, but they don't want a serious relationship right now, just fun and flings with guys they don't really care about, and I'm more the sort of guy they'd want to settle down in a serious committed relationship with, but they'd only want that a lot later down the line. I dunno how I give off that vibe as I come across quite fun and not so serious (I don't look like my avatar when in a club!!) and don't exactly say upfront I want an exclusive relationship. In the past it was quite easy to just engage in fun flings with girls I liked, but now several times I've heard identical things - a "come back in 2 yrs when I've finished messing around with loads of other guys and I'll be exclusive with you". I wouldn't mind a bit of fun myself ya know..!
T x
Quite a few times recently when I've expressed interest in a girl, they have genuinely / sincerely said that they do really like me, but they don't want a serious relationship right now, just fun and flings with guys they don't really care about, and I'm more the sort of guy they'd want to settle down in a serious committed relationship with, but they'd only want that a lot later down the line. I dunno how I give off that vibe as I come across quite fun and not so serious (I don't look like my avatar when in a club!!) and don't exactly say upfront I want an exclusive relationship. In the past it was quite easy to just engage in fun flings with girls I liked, but now several times I've heard identical things - a "come back in 2 yrs when I've finished messing around with loads of other guys and I'll be exclusive with you". I wouldn't mind a bit of fun myself ya know..!
T x
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But i understand what you mean, i wouldnt mind a bit of fun myself, but i think im stuck in blatent relationship mode!
:yes: I thought that too but didn't want to say as it's probably not what you want to hear. I'm not saying that everyone who says that to you means it in that way but it definitely sounds like an alternative to "it's not you, it's me".
Yes they would. Anybody would as in a couple of years you are likely to be with somebody else and so they wouldn't have to 'deal' with the situation.
Maybe it's better trying new people and pulls from clubs if you want fun.
Your getting the brush off obviously. Move on I say.
Note that I'm writing this on the basis on finding a partner for a relationship, and not just a fling, and from what you wrote that seems to be what you preferred as well, but do correct if I am mistaken.
Well, I agree that being viewed as a potential long term partner is a compliment, but do you really want to get into those women who doesn't see you as attractive for fun as well? IMO relationships are about fun as well. I personally wouldn't get involved with someone that thinks I'm good solely for being a nice, secure partner in the future, but doesn't want anything to do with me now. I'd look for women that find me attractive on the initial basis as well as wanting to have a serious relationship with me.
It's not about expectations of life but about which type of partners you want to settle for.
I strongly agree.
Sorry, my post was towards the OP.
If nothing else, there is one advantage to all this. In theory, this means that when the times comes, and these women want to settle down and have some babies, I'm going to have a lot of women to choose from. "Excellent", as Mr Burns would say.
Welcome to some people's fantasies.
I'm not saying anyone should settle, I'm just trying to put things in perspective. So you're not seen as fling material? So what? And by who? Some random women at a handful of pubs/bars/clubs? Migrate around a bit.
Complaining about not having a fling in your situation is like complaining about not winning a beauty pageant. You may have not won, but at least you're in it. At least you're acceptable by societies standards, and even more importantly, your own.
It's a lot of fun if you like challenges, but if you're used to the silver spoon, fuck it.
Errrrrrrrr... What?