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Jealousy...i think!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Well.....i'll try to keep it pretty short so as not to bore you too much!

I'm with a guy who is brilliant, i mean we've spoke about getting a house together and everything, i love him and he loves me i know that. I trust him with my life too, but every couple of weeks i seem to bring up this one girl who he was kind of seeing before me. (I say kind of seeing, they slept together a few times, and that was it, never really anything more, she used to go out with one of his friends, and what i've heard from girl friends, is that she was just really trying to get back at her ex) - i seem to bring everything back to her. I have no problems that he has ex girlfriends, and understand he has been with people, his 28 for gods sake. I appreciate we all have pasts. I don't know how i do it. Or why. But i can somehow bring everything back to be about her. Like last night for example, i have been thinking about getting a tattoo on my wrist, i was thinking about getting one on both wrists. He suggested that i get the stars on my foot instead, last night i saw a picture of her tattoo and she has stars on her foot, so i go off on one completely saying is that the only reason u suggested it, looked nice did it, all this shit. No idea where it came from, because she isnt exactly the only person in the world with a tattoo on her foot. I have been hurt a lot in the past, i am a little scared of it happening again. But i do trust him. I don't even know what it is about this one girl that i dont like, he still talks to her and i dont particularly like that, but i still speak to my ex's so it would be wrong for me to say no you can't speak to her.

I feel that i'm going to end up pushing him away, so i say maybe its for the best if we weren't together to stop me doing this and feeling like poo! I can go to sleep and if its in my head, i'll dream of him with someone else. It's crazy. Fact is, it would kill me if we weren't together, so i dont know why i even suggest it. He loves me and says he wouldnt let that happen anyway.

I need to understand why i do this.....I can turn anything round back on him when his done nothing wrong. It drives us both mad.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I understand exactly where you're coming from, some of what you wrote is scarily like me. I've been with my bloke on and off for four years, and in one of the "off" periods I know he slept with this girl a few times. They still speak occasionally now, which I hate, and although I know it was just a random fling for him (she wanted more, but he ended up coming back to me) she still really bothers me. None of his exes do - it's just her, and like you she makes me insecure about stupid things. I can't explain it, it's just the way I feel. So don't worry, it's not just you :)

    As for what you can do about it, I think you just have to work really really hard on concentrating on the fact he is with you and has been for so long. You guys are obviously serious about each other because you've even discussed living together - for most people that is a huge commitment and you have to keep reminding yourself that he wants to make that commitment to you, not anyone else. As for the tattoo thing, I totally understand why that would get to you, but he probably just likes that design, it's nothing at all to do with who it's on! It was a tactless thing for him to suggest but without wanting to generalise, men will sometimes say/do things without thinking about how they could be interpreted by girls (who, without wanting to generalise again, will quite often over-analyse things that aren't that significant - I know I do anyway).

    Just try to keep in mind that if this girl had been so amazing and perfect, he'd still be with her now. She can't have meant that much to him or made him that happy if you're the one he wants to plan a future with can she? I know it's hard, but for the sake of your relationship with what sounds like a lovely guy, you have to try. Good luck :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know that im not as old as you or anything but i felt like that with my boyfriend who ive just broken up with. They wernt nothing serious but for some reason i hated it when he spoke to her. He used to live up london and would go down there every weekend and i was obsessed with thinking that he was with her. He never did anything with her but he went swimming with her and i hit the roof. Alot of arguements were about her and when we split up a few weeks ago, i realised she was a stirrer and he hadnt ever done anything because she finally told me the truth about what happened when he was down there and it turns out he just missed me and stuff. Hes moved back to london and thats really the main reason we split up but i really wish i had made the most of him and didnt stress about her so much. We did have good times obviously, but i know hes never coming back and i cant even begin to tell you how much i miss him. So i think as hard as it is just try and stop, because you two are clearly serious and love each other and you never know when you could lose him. Tbh i wish i had thought of all of this before :crying:
    But yeah i hope thats sorta helped :)
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