My life is going nowhere

Former Member · July 2008

For the first time ever, I suddenly feel there's no real purpose to living. Like most people I work and socialise. It just seems that life is chugging along like this and its fine but there's no end goal / purpose of it? Life doesn't seem that satisfying / contenting like this. I do have career / personal goals but even fulfilling them seems a bit pointless. When I settle down and have a family, maybe that will give me a reason for living? Or couldn't it just be worse, the feeling that I'm doing a job because I have to feed my family day in day out, again with no ultimate purpose..
T x

Former Member · July 2008

Well, I never thought this day would come, but you and me would seem to have something in common, Tinkler! Just take one look at the life I'm leading - I work in an arcade six days per week. My hours vary hugely, but I can be at work anywhere between 9am and 1am generally speaking. I'm permanently exhausted, and have next to no outside interests. All I ever seem to do right now is either work or sleep. I've got friends telling me that I need to take a rest, but the boss won't let me have any holiday - there's a few already on theirs, meaning we're desperately short on staff, meaning in turn that everyone else has to do more hours. Indeed, I'm surprised I haven't yet had anyone complaining on the boards along the lines of "oh, why does SG go on and on forever about bloody arcades? If he's not whinging about little kids, he's ranting on about their stupid parents..."

People often ask why I do it. For the money? As useful as money is, I wouldn't work this many hours in an arcade for that reason alone. I like my job - which is just as well, as I haven't got anything else in my life right now. Many would describe that as pretty sad, and I'd agree with them completely. My future isn't looking too encouraging either. In two months, I might be going to MMU in order to start a three-year degree. However, I'm simply not feeling motivated to do this anymore. This has been in the pipeline for over 3 years, and my interest has almost disappeared in it. I've even been contemplating getting a job in an arcade in Manchester when at uni simply to help get through it, but that has its problems.

The only way I manage to get by is by remembering that, no matter how crap I happen to think my life is, there is guaranteed to be someone out there going through something a thousand times worse. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to bed - I have a 10-hour shift tomorrow...

Former Member · July 2008

tinkler wrote: »

For the first time ever, I suddenly feel there's no real purpose to living. Like most people I work and socialise. It just seems that life is chugging along like this and its fine but there's no end goal / purpose of it? Life doesn't seem that satisfying / contenting like this. I do have career / personal goals but even fulfilling them seems a bit pointless. When I settle down and have a family, maybe that will give me a reason for living? Or couldn't it just be worse, the feeling that I'm doing a job because I have to feed my family day in day out, again with no ultimate purpose..
T x

its true philosophically that their is no purpose of this life and i also have gone through this thing, it makes me miserable and sad but how i make my life more meaningful by saying this,

"we are animals/humans, and all body parts of our are moving, each cell is of our body is in motion so we are in motion, since every thing in this universe is in motion, we are also supposed to be in motion otherwise we are dead, so whatever we do in 24 hour is not meaningless, its part of this whole motion, just look at animals, their life is also like us, just map your life to any animal and it will not make you feel bad".

I know its a biological reason not the philosophical one which i also looking for but at least give some hope to live.

Former Member · July 2008

I've graduated with a two-year, got two part time jobs pertaining to my education. About to lose one of them because the company is "downsizing". I suck at everything I do and everything I've ever tried for, never meeting my goals or even getting halfway there even if they were out of reach in the first place. Why wouldn't I be able to get halfway there?

I see friends of mine complaining about uni, four years eight years of education. Complaining about girlfriends (one of them who had just texted her hubby 'my vagina is wet'). Essentially complaining about success.

It's ridiculous. They're thin, bright, and intelligent. Have a lot going for them socially and personally. Girlfriends, sex, education, no responsibilities. Me? Well I have never had even a remotely personal relationship. I never had any success that are even worth mentioning or worth feeling confident about. 'Great, I can shit in a toilet. And who can't... a three year old?'. I can't talk about anything personal with anybody. Nobody cares or is interested in the questions or interests of someone who isn't Spartan material.

Everyone wants to stave themselves away. Keep themselves away from "drama". They're afraid to be "personally involved".

People are afraid of living unless it's for their own selfish gains. That's ok.

There's a few of us who really care. Who put others above themselves.

And not in a meaningless way. I mean some of us will literally die if it would mean others wouldn't come to harm. Sacrificing ourselves for the selfishness of others. A dream equa paradox.

We're really amazing. And you can call this a rant. You can call this a rant. What it can't be called is 'untrue' or 'not real'. There's proof in digital, audio, analogue, digital, pixelated, and photon-tubed. All ya gotta do is Google or PM and it becomes apparent.

Hence '40 Year Old Virigin'. Yes, let's have a laugh at depravity. Let's even laugh at the starving and the terminally ill. Especially those that were just born! That's a kick, isn't it?

Ah, sorry for my rantin' and ravin'. 80 hours a week and no worth can really bring it at you. But it's interesting to think about. Just interesting.

Former Member · July 2008

tinkler wrote: »

For the first time ever, I suddenly feel there's no real purpose to living. Like most people I work and socialise. It just seems that life is chugging along like this and its fine but there's no end goal / purpose of it? Life doesn't seem that satisfying / contenting like this. I do have career / personal goals but even fulfilling them seems a bit pointless. When I settle down and have a family, maybe that will give me a reason for living? Or couldn't it just be worse, the feeling that I'm doing a job because I have to feed my family day in day out, again with no ultimate purpose..
T x

Use your talents to help other people. Life does seem pointless if all you do is try and fulfil your own needs and wants, all of the time.

I won't ever have the experience in having a wife and children - so I do a LOT of social and charity work in my area to give my life some meaning. It's amazing how much better my life seems. I am rarely depressed and it feels really good going that extra mile for someone who REALLY appreciates you.

When you consider how many people there are in the world who would give their left ball to have even the smallest taste of YOUR life, it should humble you enough to go out there and make a difference in changing theirs. Try it. You may be pleasantly surprised. Or are you too 'busy' to make the time?

Former Member · July 2008

Yeah man,I relate to this.
My life is one giant dead end.I had the chance to join the army and do something with my life but I fucking pissed all that up just like everything else Ive ever done.Giving up because Ive got no self confidence or didnt have the guts to try.Now Im working in a store which I hate and have for 2 years and am seen as the "lazy clown" because its so farking boring and depressing I have no drive to do any of the jobs.
Ive never been really close with anyone to talk about deep stuff that fucked me up in the past,and Ive never really felt part of any social groups either.Kinda just like the fifth wheel everywhere I go,and even when I think I may have found a few good friends at work or outside I realise Im still the outsider.And dont get me started on women....:D
Guess Im just meant to be a loner,much easier like that anyway.

Wow,glad I got that off my chest on a sunday morning.:D

Former Member · July 2008

Teagan wrote: »

I won't ever have the experience in having a wife and children

Why not?

Btw, several of you have mentioned you feel the same way because you have a crap job / crap education / crap lovelife. The thing is I have all that good / very good and still right now feel the same as you do. In fact maybe it makes things worse - that I have all this "success" yet it has no ultimate meaning / purpose. Does it really matter if someone becomes a millionaire / Prime Minister / Nobel Prize winner, we're all dead, stone cold in the ground at the end of the day..

Former Member · July 2008

stargalaxy wrote: »

Well, I never thought this day would come, but you and me would seem to have something in common, Tinkler! Just take one look at the life I'm leading - I work in an arcade six days per week. My hours vary hugely, but I can be at work anywhere between 9am and 1am generally speaking. I'm permanently exhausted, and have next to no outside interests. All I ever seem to do right now is either work or sleep. I've got friends telling me that I need to take a rest, but the boss won't let me have any holiday - there's a few already on theirs, meaning we're desperately short on staff, meaning in turn that everyone else has to do more hours. Indeed, I'm surprised I haven't yet had anyone complaining on the boards along the lines of "oh, why does SG go on and on forever about bloody arcades? If he's not whinging about little kids, he's ranting on about their stupid parents..."

People often ask why I do it. For the money? As useful as money is, I wouldn't work this many hours in an arcade for that reason alone. I like my job - which is just as well, as I haven't got anything else in my life right now. Many would describe that as pretty sad, and I'd agree with them completely. My future isn't looking too encouraging either. In two months, I might be going to MMU in order to start a three-year degree. However, I'm simply not feeling motivated to do this anymore. This has been in the pipeline for over 3 years, and my interest has almost disappeared in it. I've even been contemplating getting a job in an arcade in Manchester when at uni simply to help get through it, but that has its problems.

The only way I manage to get by is by remembering that, no matter how crap I happen to think my life is, there is guaranteed to be someone out there going through something a thousand times worse. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to bed - I have a 10-hour shift tomorrow...

Couldn't you try for a different job, something still within your areas of interest, just not with the 9am-1am and no holidays bullshit? Work in a computer games store like Game, HMV, Zavvi or Gamestation for example - they have normal hours and it looks like a really cool / fun working environment, they get to mess around and play games all day when not busy with customers.

Former Member · July 2008

Wish I could believe in God / heaven & hell, which would make me feel there's a purpose to living and an "end reward", so its worth putting time/effort into achieving a lot in life, but too sceptical to believe in it.

Former Member · July 2008

I think the problem when you finish education and start a job you suddenly have completed an era of life and got to the end goal. Career goals are never quite as motivating and it's a long stretch of life that you start looking at till the next big change of retirement. It's about finding the goals that keep you motivated, whether they be taking up new hobbies, doing charity work, sharing your success and acheivements by helping others.

Former Member · July 2008

Kazbo wrote: »

It's about finding the goals that keep you motivated, whether they be taking up new hobbies, doing charity work, sharing your success and acheivements by helping others.

Ironic then that helping others can actually have a somewhat selfish agenda then re you're doing it for your own personal benefit, to keep you content with your life! I do a bit of helping people out - not so much 'charity work' as mentoring students on university and career choices. Don't find it personally rewarding tbh, often in fact a bit of a pain.

Former Member · July 2008

tinkler wrote: »

Ironic then that helping others can actually have a somewhat selfish agenda then re you're doing it for your own personal benefit, to keep you content with your life! I do a bit of helping people out - not so much 'charity work' as mentoring students on university and career choices. Don't find it personally rewarding tbh, often in fact a bit of a pain.

I actually think most of the time when people help others whilst they enjoy doing it there is a selfish reason behind in that it makes them feel good about themself in a different way. It's very difficult to find a totally unselfish act...reminds me of the episode of friends where Joey challenges Phoebe to do a selfless act and she really struggles.

I find mentoring students a pain as well and don't get a great deal of personal reward for it, but then I don't find having my own mentor at work is that helpful either so perhaps that's why I don't like mentoring people on top of that. There's nothing to say that the first thing you try will be right for you to give you that goal, just keep experimenting, trying new things and experiencing more in life.

Former Member · July 2008

welcome to quarterlife crisis.

Former Member · July 2008

tinkler wrote: »

Ironic then that helping others can actually have a somewhat selfish agenda then re you're doing it for your own personal benefit, to keep you content with your life! I do a bit of helping people out - not so much 'charity work' as mentoring students on university and career choices. Don't find it personally rewarding tbh, often in fact a bit of a pain.

Well its less that people want to help people for their own 'selfish agendas' and more that a nice by product of helping people is that you feel good about it too! If you dont like mentoring students,stop doing it and find something you *do* enjoy..and i think your mistake is still in thinking "well ive got great job,great lifestyle,all the right boxes are ticked and achieved,people would be happy to have my life,therefore i should be happy"..but the simple point is that youre not happy,theres no 'should' about it,and while i cant give you a step by step guide on how to change it,you do just need to start looking at things like 1) do you like the person you are? 2) do you like the people around you? 3) do you like where you are and what youre doing? Theyre really simple questions,but if you look at that stuff,and start off by changing small things youre not happy with,youll slowly start to feel happier in yourself. I was actually going to reply with the 'were all just animals' thing too..if all else fails,remember we werent put here for a huge purpose-we're born,we live,we die,just like any other natural being,and if we can be happy and feel like we have purpose for just some of that time,then its a bonus really! But dont feel hard done by when youre unhappy..everyone,but everyone,has moments of unhappiness and to cope with that,it does well to remember that happiness in life is a rare and fantastic privilege, not a right..

Former Member · July 2008

I feel that way sometimes, now that I'm a single man again. I just had the impression that the girl I was going out with was my purpose in life, to support and be there with her in life in exchange for love, which I guess for me at least is the ultimate gift in this life.
But of course this time 'round, despite it lasting over a year, it didn't work out in the end.

But I guess much of this is based upon the fact that my life had mostly become based around this girl, with things such as the future, etc. Of course, when that vanishes, it leaves a massive gap in your life. I guess losing your job has a similar effect, eh?

But I do have my friends and my job. Sadly, my job is mostly outdoors and most of my peers are middle-aged types married with kiddies, and my friends (mostly dating back to my schooldays) are great, but today, spending time with them is a tad more difficult, with job commmitments and all sorts.

I have seriously considered going to college, but I've no idea exactly what to do. I could learn a trade or something, which'd probably earn me more money than the postal rounds, but really it just looks like an opportunity to make a fresh start, meet new people, etc, before my life ends up in a rut.

But I'm sure there's other ways of achieving that other than heading back to college. I wonder.........

Former Member · July 2008

if life seems pointless then you need to look at your values and the voids that drive them. we are all seeking for what we perceive as missing according to our voids, when nothing is ever actually missing we just can't see the form it's in....most people don't realise what their voids are in the first place and so don't understand their true values, which is the key to understanding your behaviour and the decisions you make in life. once you know your values you can be a bit more purposeful with your time and energy to achieve them faster and move onto the next challenge, and appreciate how everything you do moves you towards fulfilling your values. if your goals and dreams aren't congruent with your real values this is when you get frustrated and doubt yourself. you can a) realign your values (if you have enough whys the hows take care of themself) or b)discover what form the things you perceive as missing in your life are actually present.

Former Member · July 2008

tinkler wrote: »

Couldn't you try for a different job, something still within your areas of interest, just not with the 9am-1am and no holidays bullshit? Work in a computer games store like Game, HMV, Zavvi or Gamestation for example - they have normal hours and it looks like a really cool / fun working environment, they get to mess around and play games all day when not busy with customers.

At the moment, I'm pretty much in the wrong area of the UK to do these jobs. The nearest HMV to me is at least one hour's drive away, for example, and I wouldn't have the faintest idea where my nearest Zaavi store is! I might possibly do that if I still go to Manchester later this year, but I'm relatively content for now. Mind you, I'd hate the idea of working in some kind of 9-5 job. I'd loathe working the same hours every single day.

Former Member · July 2008

stargalaxy wrote: »

At the moment, I'm pretty much in the wrong area of the UK to do these jobs. The nearest HMV to me is at least one hour's drive away, for example, and I wouldn't have the faintest idea where my nearest Zaavi store is! I might possibly do that if I still go to Manchester later this year, but I'm relatively content for now. Mind you, I'd hate the idea of working in some kind of 9-5 job. I'd loathe working the same hours every single day.

What degree are you going to do at MMU? I think uni's an amazing experience that could really change your life, just know that plenty of people leave somewhere like MMU 3-4yrs later doing a job they could've got without the degree and effectively lost out 3-4yrs of earnings. If you however immerse yourself in whatever Mancs has to offer - uni societies, part-time job plus getting a 2.1 then you could be sorted. That may be obvious basic advice but worth reiterating. I think if your financial position allows it, jack in the arcade job, go to uni, keep up a part time job to get by and hopefully have an amazing experience - new friends, new ways to view the world etc etc.....

Former Member · July 2008

tinkler wrote: »

... immerse yourself in whatever Mancs has to offer - uni societies, part-time job plus getting a 2.1 then you could be sorted. That may be obvious basic advice but worth reiterating. I think if your financial position allows it, jack in the arcade job, go to uni, keep up a part time job to get by and hopefully have an amazing experience - new friends, new ways to view the world etc etc.....

My financial position more than permits for me to do this - the benefit of working so many hours is that I've never had more money than I do now. Mind you, I suspect that three years of university will still decimate my bank account.

What I meant earlier was I thought I could get a part-time job in an arcade, casino or something like that in Manchester when there. I've done my research, I know there's a fair few of them around. I'm something of a workaholic these days, and I like to use that to my advantage. I'm not really going for the social side of things, to be honest - it simply doesn't interest me.

Anyway, this isn't about me - aren't we supposed to be giving you advice here?

Former Member · July 2008

stargalaxy wrote: »

My financial position more than permits for me to do this - the benefit of working so many hours is that I've never had more money than I do now. Mind you, I suspect that three years of university will still decimate my bank account. What I meant earlier was I thought I could get a part-time job in an arcade, casino or something like that in Manchester when there. I've done my research, I know there's a fair few of them around. I'm something of a workaholic these days, and I like to use that to my advantage. I'm not really going for the social side of things, to be honest - it simply doesn't interest me.

3yrs of uni shouldn't kill your bank balance too hard - tuition fees paid later, part-time job quelling the rent fees.. I think from what you've said, working day in day out in an arcade and just working and sleeping, is not how you want to spend life at your age. Having a more varied life juggling uni work with a job and more should surely leave you more contented.

stargalaxy wrote: »

Anyway, this isn't about me - aren't we supposed to be giving you advice here?

Meh, I'm not into this "This is my thread, keep to the topic of the OP" malarky, discussion / debate forums should be allowed to naturally evolve..

Former Member · July 2008

Gotta agree with Teagan about how much fun it is to do charity or voluntary work (if you have the time and your work hours aren't too variable). I used to help with a (teenage) youth group (have had to take a break recently due to family probs making my timing unreliable) and it was brilliant - planning camping and craft work for/with them, talking and facilitating discussions - so different from my normal job. I helped with Woodcraft Folk but all sorts of kids organisations are crying out for volunteers. So are conservation organisations. Another thing I had a great time doing was amateur drama - working with a group of people for three months to get a play together is a great way to make friends, you don't have to act if you don't want to, they all need scene painting, costumes, ticket sales etc.

Former Member · July 2008

I guess im kinda in the same situation.

I loved being at school, 5th and 6th year were full of fun. Smoking dope everynight and fucking my girlfriend when i was 17(to me this was a big deal)

Then i started university, which to be fair was a bit of a let down but I still had a good time.

I graduated with a 2.1 and now im working with a very very successful oil company earing 26k a year. Most of my friends are in awe of me, I have a beautiful girlfriend, nice salary and away to get a nice car. Christ iv even started looking at morgages.

Thing is, im not happy. I fucking hate my job, its boring and i dont feel like im making a difference to anything. I clock in and out like some drone everyday, counting the days till the weekend.

But now, iv decided. Fuck this shit:hyper: Im gonna quit my job in january and look for something I really really want to do, even if this means moving back home to mummy and daddy for a while.

Former Member · July 2008

Youwantromance? wrote: »

I graduated with a 2.1 and now im working with a very very successful oil company earing 26k a year. Most of my friends are in awe of me, I have a beautiful girlfriend, nice salary and away to get a nice car. Christ iv even started looking at morgages.

Thing is, im not happy. I fucking hate my job, its boring and i dont feel like im making a difference to anything. I clock in and out like some drone everyday, counting the days till the weekend.

But now, iv decided. Fuck this shit:hyper: Im gonna quit my job in january and look for something I really really want to do, even if this means moving back home to mummy and daddy for a while.

Mate you really do have it all, having a fit girlfriend & people in awe of you is always a nice thing. The only thing you're missing is a job you're satisfied with, like a lot of people. Why not just carry on your 9-5 drudgery whilst researching other careers you may like, applying/interviewing there? May beat doing nothing at home and effectively losing a few grand, and months of experience?

Former Member · July 2008

I agree with tink, you'll probably be even more fed up if you're jobless and have no money. I'd stay in your job but actively look for other things to do as its always easier to move from one job to another than from unemployed into a career. Best of luck!

My life is going nowhere

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