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Finding out where I stand
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello
complicated story and please before people have a go at me i know im probably slightly in the wrong here but my ex boyfriend disappeared to india for 6 months and while out there we started talking via instant messaging about getting back together and it was looking really positive. then he came back and i got text telling me he was with another girl. then we met up and ended up doing stuff (not quite going the whole way) and afterwards we didnt properly talk for a few weeks. he was still with his girlfriend and then he asked to meet up again this led to us ending up having sex meaning he had cheated on his girlfriend. that was about four weeks ago and we've spoken since and he is still with his girlfriend but he keeps saying he loves me and i need to know where i stand but i dont know how to ask him.
sorry
xx
complicated story and please before people have a go at me i know im probably slightly in the wrong here but my ex boyfriend disappeared to india for 6 months and while out there we started talking via instant messaging about getting back together and it was looking really positive. then he came back and i got text telling me he was with another girl. then we met up and ended up doing stuff (not quite going the whole way) and afterwards we didnt properly talk for a few weeks. he was still with his girlfriend and then he asked to meet up again this led to us ending up having sex meaning he had cheated on his girlfriend. that was about four weeks ago and we've spoken since and he is still with his girlfriend but he keeps saying he loves me and i need to know where i stand but i dont know how to ask him.
sorry
xx
0
Comments
:yes:
I know it must be hard when someone you've got feelings for is messing you about but do you really want to be with a guy like this?
Ok so he tells you he loves you etc fucks you then goes running off back to his gf..imagine what hes telling her and who knows who else..
Not true. It is perfectly possible to love somebody and still cheat on them. Been there, done that. Not fair, I know, but it happens.
Don't tell her. You've been a willing party in this and so it will just look like you're causing trouble to break them up. Which is kind of true.
You know what you are doing is wrong, so yes it does make you a bad person - but you can't help how you feel, and things will not change if you keep seeing him.
Personally, I think you are going to have to make the choice to stop seeing him. It is unfair to keep doing this to his girlfriend. You do need to explain this to him, and if he is actually interested in something happening with you, this should be the trigger. It should not be an ultimatum though - just a calm explanation that you can't keep on doing this as it's messing your head up.
Know it's not what you want to hear though and I'm sorry about that, I know it's hard to cut ties with someone you care for even when deep down you know they're treating you like dirt. As for the losing your best friend thing, if he was a true friend he wouldn't be putting you through this in the first place. IMO you're better off without him.
ETA: Can I ask why you and he broke up in the first place, was it just because he was going away or were there other reasons?
So, I am guessing you are still not going to be living in the same place once term time comes around again - hence would be a waste of time anyway?
Sometimes its best just to cut ties regardless of how hard it'll be.