If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
Gay...but likes me?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello all!
First things first...I'm female.
Right, basically I've known this guy for just over a year through work. We instantly got on as friends and I started to see him as 'the brother I never had' kinda thing. There was never any flirting, etc, as he's very openly gay.
However...a couple of months ago he told me he had feelings for me, more than just a friend. Then he kissed me on a very drunken night out. Since then he's mentioned his feelings a couple of times.
He's moved away but we talk alllll the time so it's not like the situation has changed at all. I'm just basically finding it all a bit confusing to be honest. Because he was so openly gay, and has had quite a few boyfriends, I never ever thought he would have feelings for me, so it all came as a bit of a shock. I don't know how I feel about him either. I love him to bits, and he's gorgeous too, but I think it's just tricky getting my head around thinking of him in a different way. He says things to me, and I just don't know how to reply, as I don't know how I feel about it all.
One thing we are both certain of, is that we don't want it to spoil our friendship over this, and so far, we're as strong as ever.
So I just need a little advice really...is it a case of gay/straight/bi/whatever doesn't matter who you fall for, or could it be that he's just into trying something new. I don't know. I guess I'm trying to find the best thing to do, without either of us getting hurt. Very confused!
First things first...I'm female.
Right, basically I've known this guy for just over a year through work. We instantly got on as friends and I started to see him as 'the brother I never had' kinda thing. There was never any flirting, etc, as he's very openly gay.
However...a couple of months ago he told me he had feelings for me, more than just a friend. Then he kissed me on a very drunken night out. Since then he's mentioned his feelings a couple of times.
He's moved away but we talk alllll the time so it's not like the situation has changed at all. I'm just basically finding it all a bit confusing to be honest. Because he was so openly gay, and has had quite a few boyfriends, I never ever thought he would have feelings for me, so it all came as a bit of a shock. I don't know how I feel about him either. I love him to bits, and he's gorgeous too, but I think it's just tricky getting my head around thinking of him in a different way. He says things to me, and I just don't know how to reply, as I don't know how I feel about it all.
One thing we are both certain of, is that we don't want it to spoil our friendship over this, and so far, we're as strong as ever.
So I just need a little advice really...is it a case of gay/straight/bi/whatever doesn't matter who you fall for, or could it be that he's just into trying something new. I don't know. I guess I'm trying to find the best thing to do, without either of us getting hurt. Very confused!
0
Comments
Anyway the main point is you need to talk to him about it, is this the first time he's had feelings for a woman? Are you attracted to him?
Yes there is always a risk that if you get into a relationship you'll ruin your friendship, but then theres a risk with all relationships. You either take that risk or you agree to live and die alone.
Perhaps you're turning him?!
Truly gay? Am I the only one who finds terms like that rather mystifying. We're human and attracted to the people we're attracted to.
but sounds like you have an awsome friendship and it would be a shame to lose that?
Ok ,perhaps bad wording there. But being homosexual is defined as being romantically/sexually attracted to someone of the same sex, not the opposite . This is a definition. Since he's into threadstarter he's not gay but probably bisexual. There's nothing wrong with that though, some people aren't sure about their "true" sexual orientation before they grow older.
What it boils down to, essentially, is whether or not you really think you can maintain a relationship. Do you trust him? Are you attracted to him? If it doesn't work out, will your friendship survive (and, bear in mind, you may never know for sure unless it comes to that)?
Treat him as any other close friend who is attracted to you, don't let the concerns over his orientation worry you too much.
:yes:
Exactly.
Ya like who ya like and that's all that matters. Bollocks to labels, some things are more than skin deep and playing with pigeonholes can lead to missed opportunities.