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Parents Do it For US?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I think this is the place to put this here, so my question is, i always have to listen from my parents whatever we are doing is just for you children, but question is do they really? I am thinking its the biggest lie of this universe.
I mean if i see myself as father of a child, i dont think i am doing it for that child. All i am doing it to full fill the desire of myself. If i wanted my child to be successful in life and do something for that (spend money etc), its again me trying to full fill my own desire, so why child has to be listen this always i am doing this all for you child. He/She did not ask me to do all that for him/her, its me who has desire!
I never ask my parents to give me birth. It was their choice so if they are feeding me, so why they always kind of trying to tell me whatever we have done is only for you.
What you all think? I am not sure i have given words to my thoughts fully, so if you people find something missing please point that out. Thanks for reading.
I mean if i see myself as father of a child, i dont think i am doing it for that child. All i am doing it to full fill the desire of myself. If i wanted my child to be successful in life and do something for that (spend money etc), its again me trying to full fill my own desire, so why child has to be listen this always i am doing this all for you child. He/She did not ask me to do all that for him/her, its me who has desire!
I never ask my parents to give me birth. It was their choice so if they are feeding me, so why they always kind of trying to tell me whatever we have done is only for you.
What you all think? I am not sure i have given words to my thoughts fully, so if you people find something missing please point that out. Thanks for reading.
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Comments
I do things for my children that benefit them much more than they benefit me, quite often.
Im not quite sure the point of this thread
Just to discuss this phenomena.
I'd want to have a bairn if I was in a position to care for and cherish him or her to the best of my ability and was willing to take on the responsibility that comes with it.
It's the same as people who're desperate to be in a relationship, not because they have love to give but they feel lonely and want somebody there to benefit them. Always better being in a stable position yourself before you try for a relationship/babies IMO.
Like SCC, I am not sure what point you are trying to make.
However, it's not the feeding part that you need to fixate on, it's everything else. Sure we have children because we want them, but I don't think that any parent truly appreciates the impact of such a decision when they originally make it.
having a child completely changes your outlook on life and most of the decisions which you make, affecting your children, will be to put their interestes before your own. For example, I could spend every weekend of my life following United around the country. The cost of this would be quite high but it's something which I would love to do. The reality is that it would mean that I couldn't spend as much time with my kids, would have as much money to spend on the things which they need...
Another example would be my love of Golf. I would love to spend at least one day of the weekend on the golf course. However, that would mean that either my boys Saturday's football training would have to go, or the match on Sunday. I couldn't do that to them.
Sure, they didn;t ask to be born, but the fact that they exist means that I cannot just do the things that I would like to.
Like MOK said, parents do this a lot, but you have to balance it between benefiting them & keeping yourself happy.
Kids don't ask to be born, so looking after them etc is the parent's decision and something they should do since they brought the child into the world. But obviously, there's a point where the parent does too much for the child & the kid doesn't appreciate it. I know I didn't appreciate all my mum did for me until I left home.
But doing stuff for your kids and then guilt-tripping them isnt right either. I think once kids are old enough to do stuff, the family should be a team and work together (I'm being idealistic, I know).
One of my friends is being guilt-tripped by her parents at the mo, and they want her to move her life to keep them happy. She's growing up & needs to be independent.
While we need to appreciate our parents, I don't think guilt-tripping is right because at the end of the day, no one asks to be born and it was the parents' decision. Even if the kid was an accident, the parent could have had an abortion or given the kid up for adoption. It was their choice to have the kid and/or parent him or her, so guilt-tripping's out of order.
Hope this all makes sense. I'm tired.
I agree that guilt tripping is wrong, but appreciating the sacrifices which have been made on your behalf shouldn't be too much to ask either.
"I didn't ask to be born" is a pretty shite response, IMHO, because let's face it your parents didn't ask for "you" to be born either, they wanted "a" child. Guilt tripping them for how your life turned out isn't exactly fair either and it detracts from personal responsibility - like suggesting that everything bad in your life is your parents fault whilst not appreciating that everything good would have something to do with them also...
I think thats point which i was looking to made. No one is saying what they have done for us has no value at all, of course what they have done for us, no one can do (but its their own decision to do that) and we should appreciate that as well. But there is no point to tell your children explicitly that look, this is what we have done for you and now its your pay back time or you should be thankful to us.
And they will never say or admit that they even have done something bad for their children as well, they will only think they have done good things for their children, but in reality they will be doing many things which will be effecting their children mental health very badly. And if because of that children fail in life or in something, they just blame children that look we have done everything for these children but they are just the biggest looser of this world, but in reality its their actions which has resulted in our failure.
I never used that stupid line again.
Asfor it striking a balance between keeping parents and children happy, I guess that depends on the age of the children. Mine are all very young, the balance is very very much tipped in their favour.
I dont think its wrong for children to feel some responsibility to their parents and appreciate the sacrifices made for them, although guilt tripping isnt right. It shouldnt just be parents give give giving to their kids just because the kids didnt ask to be born. Its give AND take and if your kids just take, then thats just spoilt brat behaviour
I completely agree with that. My mother was constantly telling me when I was younger that no one tells you how to be a parent and there's no break from it. As far as I can see, as children always have to be put first, in many ways creating another life means effectively ending your own. Unsurprisingly I don't want children, but if everybody thought like that humans would have died out a long time ago.
I think guilt trips are wrong from whichever side they're coming from, but children have the right to expect much more from their parents than parents can expect from them. In my experience a lot of what parents will describe as a guilt trip is an upset, confused child trying to express their feelings about something they've been through. Having said that, I also know a few people in their 30's who believe their life is going nowhere because their parents didn't pay for private education, or take them to Italy or something stupid like that.
I think parents do make choices simply because it's good for their kids, but rarely and over insignificant things because we're all selfish and if you have siblings there's a good chance that eventually what would be good for you would be bad for them, and parents have to make the choice about how to deal with that.
Basically, this is what I was trying to say with the family needing to work as a team thing. I'm just not very good at explaining myself sometimes.
But I also agree with naturegoddess. Guilt-tripping by the kid or by the parent is equally wrong.
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